BBC star Deborah James has a touching wish for her husband when she dies.
The 40-year-old podcast host, who has battled stage 4 bowel cancer for almost five years, has tragically confirmed she is now in hospice care.
Deborah is surrounded by her friends and family, including her beloved husband Sebastien Bowen and their two children, Hugo, 14, and Eloise, 12.
Sharing the devastating update with her fans and followers on Monday, she penned: "The tweet I never wanted to write. The time has come to say goodbye. It has been 5 years to prepare, doesn’t make it any easy.
"I’m under hospice at home care, & I’m spending my time surrounded by my family. Please buy me a wine to see me out and raise vital funds."
Deborah has begun to think about what life will be like for her family once she has gone - and made a realisation about her husband's future last year.
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In June 2021, Deborah appeared on Lorraine Kelly's ITV and spoke about meeting with the widower of her late friend, fellow BBC presenter Rachael Bland.
Rachael sadly died from breast cancer at the age of 40 in 2018 - and similarly to Deborah used her position to raise money and awareness.
Deborah admitted she was nervous of being "triggered" when she met Steve's new girlfriend Amy for the first time.
However, it had the opposite impact as meeting Amy actually gave her "comfort" as she could see how happy she had made Steve - and realised how one day her own husband could be in the same scenario.
Deborah told Lorraine: "He came down with his partner Amy, and they surprised me at the end of my first chemotherapy session on the steps of the Royal Marsden.
"I have to say, being really honest with you, Steve had a massive smile on his face and I didn't know if I would be really triggered by seeing Amy.
"I know it sounds strange to say that because I’ve heard so much about her and I know how important she is, but I also know that I’m missing my friend Rachel as well."
Deborah gushed over how amazing Amy was, then reflected on her own situation and her wish for husband Sebastien.
"A. She’s a wonderful person. B. It made me realise that life does go on, regardless of the challenges we face," she added.
"Actually it gave me quite a lot of comfort to know that even when people have seen the darkest of things, and if that was my own husband… actually you want life to go on. It has to and it must.
"It bought me a lot of comfort although I was potentially facing that same situation."
Deborah and Sebastien had split up in 2015 and had started divorce proceedings, but after agreeing to counselling to be on better terms for their kids they got back together.
Shortly afterwards, Deborah discovered she had bowel cancer after a colonoscopy, having being repeatedly told she "must have IBS, haemorrhoids or worse case colitis".
Speaking to Bowel Cancer UK, Deborah said: "My husband and I left the hospital numb to embark upon the most surreal period and roller coaster of our lives.
"We drove straight to Lee and Sanderman and Sebastien in true 'c'est la vie' style, asked for the most expensive bottle in the shop – a beautifully rich, Leoville Barton 1996, and we proceed to polish it off as though Armageddon was scheduled for 7pm the next day."
At the start of this year, Deborah's family were told she might not survive the night when she had an alarming medical emergency.
Her liver began to stop functioning and she started aggressively vomiting very large volumes of bright red blood.
Shaking and feeling herself starting to blackout, Deborah frantically called an ambulance and desperately tried to stay awake.
She wrote in The Sun: "My husband arrived home to find me drifting in and out of consciousness, our daughter crying down the phone and the only response from the 999 handler was, ‘There will be a 30 minute delay on the ambulance, do you still want one?’
"Had it not been for my husband, I wouldn’t be here today. If I was alone, I would've died."
Sebastien scooped Deborah up and put her in the car and she feared she was dying and would never see her children again.
She continued: "I can’t describe to you the trauma that now exists, like a broken horror film in my head, of saying goodbye to my children in that split second.
"I had no strength. I had blood all over me. All I could say was, ‘I love you - forever’."
Thanks to NHS medical and staff, Deborah survived the terrifying ordeal and was given more time to spend with her family.
Sadly, Deborah shared a heartbreaking health update this week in which she revealed she is now in a hospice in an emotional Instagram post.
The proud mum-of-two penned: "The message I never wanted to write. We have tried everything, but my body simply isn’t playing ball.
"My active care has stopped and I am now moved to hospice at home care, with my incredible family all around me and the focus is on making sure I’m not in pain and spending time with them.
"Nobody knows how long I’ve got left but I’m not unable to walk, I’m sleeping most of the days, and most things I took for granted are pipe dreams. I know we have left no stone unturned.
"But even with all the innovative cancer drugs in the world or some magic new breakthrough, my body just can’t continue anymore."
Deborah went on: "In over 5 years of writing about how I thought it would be my final Christmas, how I wouldn’t see my 40th birthday nor see my kids go to secondary school - I never envisaged writing the one where I would actually say goodbye.
"I think it’s been the rebellious hope in me. But I don’t think anyone can say the last 6 months has exactly been kind.
"It’s all heartbreaking to be going through but I’m surrounded by so much love that if anything can help me through I hope that will.
Deborah sked her supportive followers to donate as much as they could to fight bowel cancer - having set up her Bowelbabe fund.
She added: "Right now for me it’s all about taking it a day at a time, step by step and being grateful for another sunrise. My whole family are around me and we will dance through this together, sunbathing and laughing (I’ll cry!!) at every possible moment."
Deborah finished off her heartbreaking post by encouraging her fans to 'enjoy life' while they could.
"You are all incredible, thank you for playing your part in my journey. No regrets. Enjoy life x"
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