Deborah James says she's scared of dying and not watching her children grow up in her heartbreaking final column.
The 40 year old presenter who has been battling bowel cancer since 2016 says that her body "can't continue anymore" as she moves into a hospice.
Deborah, who presents the BBC's You Me and the Big C, says that she and her husband Sebastien Bowen have made memory boxes for her children Hugo, 14 and Eloise, 12.
Writing in her last column for The Sun, she said: "I do not want to die – I can’t get my head around the idea that I will not see my kids' weddings or see them grow up – that I will no longer be a part of life that I love so much.
"I am not brave – I am not dignified going towards my death – I am simply a scared girl who is doing something she has no choice in but I know I am grateful for the life that I have had."
She said that she and Seb have bought them gifts for key future birthdays, which she will tragically miss out on.
Deborah has been campaigning and raising money for her fundraiser Bowelbabe which has already gathered more than £1million.
She said that her body is "emaciated" and that she has completely lost the use of her arms and legs.
The journalist, who has been living in The Royal Marsden hospital since January, described the last six months as "hellish"
She said that the last five days have been "very emotional" and that she's fighting daily to stay awake enough to work through a to-do list that she wants to complete before she dies.
The mum-of-two has now left the hospital, where she was being monitored every day to have end of life care at her home.
She said that her new care focuses on symptom management and keeping her comfortable to have "the best quality death" she can.
Deborah is now at her parents house and is surrounded by her "incredible" family, who have been doing all they can for her.
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Bowel cancer can sometimes be called colon or rectal cancer, depending on where in the large bowel it is.
It's one of the most common types of cancer diagnosed in the UK, most people who get it are over the age of 60 - which makes Deborah's case rare.
The three main symptoms of bowel cancer are persistent blood in your poo, continuous change in your bowel habits and constant lower tummy pain.
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