Dame Deborah James has revealed that she is “scared” to fall asleep at night now that she is receiving at-home end-of-life care.
The activist and podcast host is battling stage four bowel cancer and recently told her Instagram followers that her body “just can’t continue anymore”.
Speaking to The Sun, the 40-year-old said she is not sure “how long” she has left.
“I don’t feel like I’m on my deathbed,” James told the publication.
“I’m not planning on dying anytime soon but it’s just so unpredictable.
“I’m scared to fall asleep and that’s one of the biggest reasons I’m so tired. I am scared to go to sleep.”
When asked if she was in pain, James explained that it’s mostly discomfort due to stomach issues.
“It’s ironic, I’ve spent the last five years talking about poo, and breaking the poo taboo,” she said.
“It’s typical I suffer with a s*** stomach now.
“I think my family are knackered, they have all been incredible - going above and beyond to look after me and nurse me.”
James continued: “What I have seen from them in the last two weeks is true love, deep love. It’s overwhelming.
“They have all been amazing. I know the pressure on them at the moment is huge, I can’t do anything anymore without their help.”
She went on to explain how she wanted to protect her children, Eloise, 12, and Hugo, 14, from seeing her in pain.
“I feel very strongly that I don’t want my kids to see me agitated and distressed,” she said.
“I want to make sure they see me when I’m having a good day.”
For now, James said her focus is to continue raising awareness and money for bowel cancer.
“I just think the more awareness I can help raise, the better,” she said.
“I’ve hopefully got a few things on this week.”
