DEAR ABBY: I am a 49-year-old woman who never had a father in my life. He was gone shortly after my mother announced she was pregnant. When she contacted him via his family to let him know I was born, he said he didn’t care, he was already with someone else and she was pregnant.
I have always known his name and that he lived in Ohio. Well, thanks to technology, I found him. I would look him up every so often. I just learned he died seven months ago. I saw from his obituary that I have two brothers.
I’m not sure what, if anything, to do. If they don’t know about me, wouldn’t that be a shock? I haven’t told my mother anything about this. I’m not sure how, to be honest. So where am I supposed to go from here? — FEELING LOST AND CONFUSED
DEAR FEELING LOST: You should discuss the fact that you have been searching with your mother. It’s long overdue, and she may be able to share more details with you. If you were seeking the father you never had, he was gone long before his death, and for that I am sorry. If you are looking for a family relationship with your half-brothers, the chances of you finding one are slim. They may have never been told about their father’s “past.”
What a healthy person would do in a case like this is build a family of your choosing, with friends who are caring and supportive, and concentrate on the future rather than the past, which you cannot change.
DEAR ABBY: “Seeking Help in Texas” (July 19) sought assistance for her 24-year-old grandson with Asperger’s syndrome and a bipolar diagnosis. He could apply for career counseling and job placement services from the Vocational Rehabilitation agency serving job seekers with disabilities in his state. In Texas he could contact 800-628-5115 or visit twc.state.tx.us/.
Residents in other states can find their VR agencies at rsa.ed.gov/about/states/. Job seekers are generally eligible for VR Services if they have a physical, mental or visual disability that is a barrier to employment and need vocational rehabilitation services to get or keep a job.
Other employment-related services could include training or college education assistive technology, self-employment programs and other programs needed to reach career goals. Vocational rehabilitation programs introduce or reinstate people with disabilities into the workforce, create taxpayers and reduce dependence on disability benefits and government assistance.
The workplace could also be a great place for the young man to meet people and possibly develop socially, which was a concern in the letter. — JODY HARLAN, OKLAHOMA DEPT. OF REHABILITATION SERVICES
DEAR JODY: Thank you for providing additional resources for the young man who is in need of a jump-start in his life. I am sure they will prove helpful — not only to that family, but also to many other readers with whom that letter resonated.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: “Abby’s Favorite Recipes” and “More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $16 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)
