DEAR ABBY: My nephew is getting married soon, and he and his father are having issues with the guest list. My brother-in-law has a few immediate family members who don’t know their limit when it comes to alcohol, and my nephew is worried that if they’re invited, they’ll abuse the open bar and embarrass the family.
My nephew doesn’t want to invite these family members to his wedding. My brother-in-law says he will speak to them beforehand to warn them about their alcohol intake, but he insists he won’t attend the wedding if these family members aren’t invited.
Neither one is budging, and what is supposed to be a happy occasion is becoming a battleground. Please offer some words of advice that will work for all. — ANTI-ALCOHOL AUNTIE
DEAR AUNTIE: I’ll try. A wedding celebrates more than the joining of two people in matrimony, it is also the joining together of TWO FAMILIES. Sooner or later, your nephew’s wife and in-laws are going to be exposed to these relatives. Because Dad feels so strongly about them being included, and is willing to talk to them about this beforehand, HE should be put in charge of evicting anyone who acts out because they had too much to drink. This solution isn’t perfect, but it may defuse the situation.
DEAR ABBY: Why is it, as a man who is capable of going to the symphony as well as watching “The Bachelor,” spending a day shooting rifles or sipping wine, having silly conversations or those where I listen (compared to providing feedback), and is an animal lover (but allergic to some), I cannot attract the women I want? What do you think? — CONFUSED IN TENNESSEE
DEAR CONFUSED: So you’re someone with broad interests who cannot find a broad who finds you interesting. If you start looking for candidates who enjoy the symphony and/or watching “The Bachelor,” shooting rifles and sipping wine, enjoy conversation and have a particular affinity for an animal to which you are NOT allergic, you may find someone who thinks you are interesting and attractive.
Although you listed the various interests YOU have, not once did you mention any qualities you would like a prospective mate to have. You might find it helpful to concentrate on that for a while. Emotional compatibility should be at the top of the list.
DEAR ABBY: We lost our daughter to gun violence, horribly, publicly and violently. We were the subject of news, speculation and gossip. It was several years ago, but people still ask for “details” and ask intrusive questions. It drives me up the wall and hurts my heart. I still struggle with how to respond to these people. What should I say? — DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT
DEAR DON’T: Please accept my sympathy for your tragic loss. Consider responding this way: “I’m sure you mean well, but I do not want to discuss this with you, now or ever. Please don’t ask again.”
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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