With a title like Dating Naked, Paramount+’s newest TV show was never destined for great things, but even so, it’s a shock to have all one’s fears confirmed at once. This is exactly what happens when you let reality shows fester for twenty-odd years: they culminate in a joyless flesh-fest that seems to drag on for eternity, despite only being 10 episodes long.
To start with, the premise is the same as more or less every other dating show: 10 singletons who profess to be looking for love (but are actually looking for some Instagram followers and sponsorship deals) rock up at a villa in an undisclosed tropical location. But then, as the title implies, there’s a twist. It has to be balmy, because they’ll be spending their entire time in the villa naked, and you wouldn’t want them to get cold, now, would you?
Yes, that’s right: they’ll be dating, but entirely in the nude, living their very best full-frontal life, 24/7. These contestants are quite literally baring everything in the hopes it’ll let them ‘connect’ on a deeper level. Or at least, that’s what the show tells us. The reality is, maybe the lure of watching naked people cavort around a villa will draw in some precious eyeballs for an episode or two.
The contestants are standard reality fare. There’s posh boy Dan, who talks like he’s rolling a marble around the inside of his mouth. There’s the requisite blonde, Lauren, whom all the boys fawn over. There’s Mike, who says things like “if Adam and Eve could find love naked, why can’t I?”
They’re all harmless enough, and stripping down in front of a group of strangers is an admirably brave (or indeed misguided) thing to do for a TV show, so kudos for that. And we do get to see a range of bodies on show (though tellingly, only women’s bodies: the men are all ripped), alongside a series of slightly insulting phrases about having “newfound body confidence.”
With these people as our guides and willing guinea pigs, we wearily jump through the same old hoops that we’ve seen before in countless reality TV shows.
Couples are encouraged to form, then brutally ditch each other in the Dumping Ground at the end of every episode. Hot new naked people are introduced, which in turn sparks arguments among the group. People go on ‘dates’ – which in episode one means popping a series of balloons filled with sex toys on the beach. And to be honest, after a while, the nakedness stops being shocking and becomes weirdly normal, which negates the whole point of the gimmick and makes the show feel a bit (whisper it) boring.
Basically, it’s a mashup of all the better TV shows that have gone before it. Love Island, if Love Island lost its way and became that dodgy uncle who likes to hang about at parties and make inappropriate comments. Naked Attraction, if Naked Attraction got uncomfortably horny.
There are no redeeming features here, not even host Rylan, whose perma-grin seems stapled to his face as he repeats the same few phrases on autopilot. The words “good news hun” feature a lot. As do a lot of erection jokes. And actual erections.
Does a £50k cash prize and a shot at fame really justify stripping off for the cameras? Though this lot seem to think so, this is one hot mess. Save yourself the bother; even if there’s no actual underwear in sight, this show is still pants.
