Way back in 1975, the very first show of “Saturday Night Live” included a commercial parody that remains a classic today.
The product was called Triopenin, and it was an arthritis pain relief medicine. The smooth announcer says Triopenin “spreads soothing relief where needed,” that it is “gentle, non-habit-forming” and that it “aids in soothing muscles and liberating stiff, painful joints.”
Meanwhile, we see a pair of arthritic hands attempting to unscrew the top of the medicine bottle, and failing. Frustrated, the hands try pounding the plastic bottle against the table, to no avail.
Finally, we see a bottle lying on its side, pills spilling out of it, clearly after it has been hit by a hammer, as the announcer triumphantly declares, “Now with the new childproof safety cap.”
The medicine is pronounced “Try openin’.”
I have been thinking about this commercial parody ever since I received an email from a reader.
Naomi Runtz, of Ladue, Missouri, is 89 years old. She still cooks three meals a day for herself and her husband, and sometimes for her whole family. The day before she wrote to me, she had cooked a corned beef dinner for eight.
It’s not the cooking that is a problem for her. It is getting into the food packages and jars.
“It’s nice that everything is sealed well for preservation and to prevent leaks. However, it takes me so long to get things open,” she wrote.
I completely understand. When my wife can’t open a tight lid on a jar, she hands it to me so I can open it and feel strong and manly.
Except when I don’t. Some of those lids are seriously hard to open, especially when they are under pressure or are just a little bit tight. And although I have an Adonis-like physique made up almost entirely of cascading and/or rippling muscles, my grip strength is a little weak.
I’m a lover, not a fighter — nor an opener of tight lids. Sometimes I have to use a rubber band. Occasionally I gently bang the lid against the counter.
It works, the lid comes off, and I haven’t broken a jar yet. I mean, not doing that.
It isn’t just jars, either. Some foods, like certain kinds of rice, come in thick plastic bags. You are supposed to be able to pull two parts of the bag apart at a seam, so that it can be resealed.
I often can’t do that. I use scissors on those easy-open bags probably more than I should admit.
My delightful correspondent, Ms. Runtz, proposed a solution.
”I wish the manufacturer would add a little ‘pull tab’ to save 10 to 15 minutes of frustration. Maybe you could use your influence to promote this idea. A simple thing like this would make food preparation so much more enjoyable.”
I am deeply flattered that she thinks I have any influence at all. That’s sweet. I also like the idea of a pull tab, if it could be added to packages cheaply and efficiently. I see it as a pull tab on a zipper that would attach to the side of a jar lid or to one of those thick plastic bags I have such trouble with.
If not a pull tab, perhaps some brilliant engineer or designer could come up with a novel way to open tight food packaging. After all, this country’s population is only getting older.
It can be done. The childproof cap on the last bottle of medicine I got was a lot easier to open than they used to be.
