Dame Deborah James’ husband, Sebastien Bowen, has opened up in a touching new interview about his wife's incredible determination and strength, the life they shared, her legacy, and her final days. The campaigner, journalist, and mum-of-two from London was just 40 years old when she died in June at her parents' home in Woking after being diagnosed with incurable bowel cancer in 2016.
Following her diagnosis Dame Deborah vowed to raise awareness to help others spot and tackle bowel cancer more quickly and, before she died, had raised more than £7m for bowel cancer research.. Sebastien, who married Deborah in 2008, spoke to The Times and touched on intimate and emotional details about his wife's struggles with the disease, her diagnosis, the magical days they spent together with their children Hugo, 14, and 12-year-old Eloise, and Deborah's final moments.
In the interview, he recalls her resilience and "grit" in recent years but especially her last days and said: "In my mind she became more radiant at the end because her strength and depth was so strong." He added: "I still can't believe what she achieved but that was her mindset – her ability to go through the darkest places you could imagine and still smile and plan another project."
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And while her sparky spirit and strength remained Sebastien details his wife's frailty in her final days, explaining: "She was so weak she couldn’t do much on her own, which she found frustrating as she was naturally fiercely independent. She was paralysed at the end from her waist down... She couldn’t go to the kitchen to get food or clean or dress herself." He also details how she dictated the final pages of her book How to Live When You Could Be Dead, published on August 18, as she was too weak to write.
And although this new experience of becoming her carer, alongside her parents and siblings, was not easy, he told The Times that it brought them all as a family closer to her and to each other. "All barriers broke down," he said.
Remembering her last moments Sebastien said Deborah' – whose motto was 'rebellious hope' – showed such strength. He said: "We made lunch and Deborah was being as bossy as ever, telling us what to do. Then at teatime she started to slip away – she was floating in and out of consciousness."
He said during this period he remained by her side and "slept with her all of Sunday and Monday night, holding her hand, but she wasn’t really there". He added: "On Tuesday her eyes opened and she came back into the room for a moment and then she was gone within 15 minutes with her sister, mother and father also surrounding her. Everyone was able to tell her how much they adored her."
In the interview Sebastien said his wife lives on in their family's lives and he still feels her presence. "To be honest it was extraordinary," he said. "Because the moment she stopped breathing I weirdly felt her presence and love enveloping the family and the kids and that hasn't stopped."
She had a funeral which Sebastien said was very much dictated by her wishes. "She wanted everyone to look smart and wear black, everyone to be sad in the church but then everyone to be happy at the wake and toast her life with tequila." After the service he and their two children took a trip to Deborah's "magic place", France, where the four of them had spent her last summer holiday. Of being back there he said: "It's been very bittersweet because the sun has been shining and I can feel Deborah everywhere."
Dame Deborah has left an inspirational legacy behind with her Bowelbabe Fund for Cancer Research UK, campaign work, award-winning You, Me, and the Big C podcast, her columns, and more. But alongside these "formal parts" Sebastien said remembering her sense of fun was important. He said: "She has this amazing ability to create pockets of magic in our lives, to do the extraordinary, to make a day feel special, that the three of us can keep doing."
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