This week I had the absolute privilege of speaking to Phil Watson - a biological dad, part time teacher, adoptive dad and foster carer.
Phil and his wife foster for Liverpool City Council and also recruit foster carers in the city. Phil shared his experiences in such emotive detail that had me wondering if I could foster - something I’ve never even thought about before.
I don’t have a spare room, unfortunately, or I’d be submitting my application this week after spending just one hour with Phil. Here, he shared his journey and explains what life as a foster carer is really like.
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What prompted you to apply for fostering?
"My wife was working for the council and I was a secondary school teacher. Our biological kids were five and seven at the time. My wife took me to an information evening run by Liverpool City Council. Least romantic date ever! But, we did end up with more kids, so maybe it worked?
"A young lady who’d spent time in care spoke about her experience of the first night of going into foster care and how scary it was. At the end she said ‘do you think you could make that first night a little easier for someone?’ It got me thinking about when our son was going for his first sleepover. He was really nervous, so I assured him that if he wanted to come home any any point, he could call me to collect him.
"If you go into care, you don’t have any option to call home. You’re with complete strangers, in a strange home. I couldn’t stop thinking about how frightening that must be for a child."
What does the application process involve?
"They call it a form, but it’s really a book and it's very nosey! You’re required to provide details of all your family and friends, who can help you foster. We talked about it a lot and with our kids and eventually got approved to foster. We’ve fostered seven kids so far.
"Some of my happiest days have been taking a foster kid on a family day out and seeing them experience things for the first time. Me and my wife both still work and juggle jobs. Some people don’t work as you do get paid to foster. You won’t be rich, but you get something."
Is the criteria very strict?
"Yes and rightly so. Minimum age to foster is over 21 but there's no top age. You need to have a spare room and pass an assessment process that takes six months. But you can be any nationality, religion or sexuality. What’s most important is you have the right temperament. Foster carers are usually very relational, flexible people.
What kind of experiences have you had as a foster parent?
"We once got a phone call to take an emergency child at 1pm on a Monday. A 10 year old boy they thought might be Russian. We had no other information but said yes because we know we are a safe place and can solve any other issues, as they come.
"The poor lad had left his house in the morning, said bye to his mum and gone to school. While at school his mum experienced a serious medical condition and was taken to hospital. The doctors knew there was a child at home and called social services. A social worker found his school and called to let them know they were coming to get him.
"As the boy is about to leave the head teacher and social worker explained his mum was ill so he couldn’t go home and was going to live with these other people. Not surprisingly, he went into shock. The head teacher had to convince him to get into the car with social worker.
"Meanwhile, I’d been on YouTube to learn how to say hello in Russian. When I said it he looked at me like I was mad and said “why are you speaking Russian?! I’m from Moldova.” We ended up playing FIFA all evening.
"He was a lovely lad who’s mum just got ill. He got into a good routine and with regular updates about his mum, he was doing well. Eventually his mum got better and they moved to Moldova. He’s now at university, doing really well.
Does your own social life stop when you foster?
"Not at all. You have to be flexible, but the restrictions depend on the age of the child. If you foster babies, they might have regular contact with birth family, up to five times per week. They may also afford you very little sleep.
"If you foster older kids like we do, its different. We’ll go away for the weekend and our 20 year old daughter will look after them. You need to have a network of friends and family support, to help you foster.
"We have very good close friends who are now like aunts an uncles to our children. These people are already on our list approved by the council, so the kids can have exciting sleepovers if the child is comfortable enough and chooses to."
What effect has fostering had on your own children?
"We’ve always checked in with them and my daughter is 20 now and my son is 18 - he’s doing a degree for special needs and education. It’s made them very well rounded kids. They’re very inclusive.
"Once we fostered a three and a half year old who, when he arrived, just stared at the floor. He went to the fridge, took out a four pint of milk, bit the lid and foil off and spilled it all over as he drank. My six year old was so sweet and said 'in our house you don’t need to do it like that and get messy' and showed him how to use a cup. He didn’t know about blankets or a bed. He tried to sleep under his coat.
"The first thing we do with a child is keep them safe, then work on convincing them they’re safe. We watch their behaviour carefully and learn as much as we can about them.
"Within a month the boy was chatting away. We realised there was nothing wrong with him, just that he’d been in an environment where he hadn’t been safe. He didn’t have bath, bed, story every night like other kids. He was with us 16 months.
"In the beginning, he had regular contact with his family, but after hearing all the evidence, a judge made the decision that his family could never look after him safely. He had a final goodbye contact with his family and was put up for adoption.
"Social workers found his forever family and he transitioned into the adoption. We sent photos back and forth and they came to our house to meet him. We watch and help but try to keep out the way. It's very emotional, absolutely exhausting but worth it. He’s in a safe loving family."
You adopted one of your foster children?
"We took in a boy about six years old who’d had a very difficult time. After he’d been with us about eight years he was being very quiet, which is always a worry.
"I found him in the front room. He’d taken a family photo off the wall, broken the glass and took the frame off. With a Sharpie he'd drawn himself onto the photograph.
"We spoke to social workers and he had nowhere else to go so we discussed it with him and explained we could adopt him, if he’d like that? He said he would, so we adopted him. That was five years ago. He’s a smashing kid who’s had a very traumatic past, but has a very bright future ahead.
"He still has a lot of fear, which can manifest as anger. They often don’t know don’t know any other emotions. But why would you trust people if every adult before had let you down?
"One night he came into our room at 1am opened up about things that had happened to him. I guess when they really begin to feel safe, you get to know who they are. That's when they can begin to process what's happened.
"Most of us take it utterly for granted that we know our past. Foster children often struggle to put their what, when and why together. You can be part of helping someone do that. Fostering makes my life worthwhile."
The number of children in care in Liverpool is currently around 1,500 and going up. It’s nearly doubled in the last 10 years. So if you feel like you could help keep a child safe, please find out more. The Watsons foster for Liverpool City Council and Liverpool needs more foster carers. If you’d be interested please contact www.fostering.liverpool.gov.uk
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