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Liverpool Echo
Liverpool Echo
National
Paul McAuley

Dad's death encouraged son to be his 'true authentic self'

A Liverpool director has said he was encouraged to be his "true authentic self" after his dad died.

James Baker, who has directed plays at the Everyman Theatre, said the death of his dad, Andy, “armoured him for life” and pushed him “to live his truth”. The 40-year-old, who is originally from Leicester, pays tribute to his dad through his “quintessentially queer” work which focuses on the trials and tribulations of being LGBTQ+.

The former LIPA teacher, said: “My dad's passing still leaves a massive hole in my life even to this day. I know that my dad was a man who would have accepted me no matter what. It would have taken time because he was from a period of time when you couldn't be gay, but my dad would have been by my side all the way after he processed it.

"His death armoured me for life, and my work is very much a testament to him. I’m so grateful for what he did in his 41 years.”

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James' dad was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer when he was 39 and died two years later. James explained how because of the “toxic and masculine” environment his dad grew up and lived in, it took for him to be “coughing up blood” before he would seek help from the doctors.

He said: “When you’re faced with that level of reality and trauma and all of a sudden you lose your dad, who was such a male and masculine figure in my life, I couldn’t help but feel short changed at that moment.”

The English graduate first explored his sexuality “publicly” when he was the age of 16, however, knew years prior to this that “something was quite different” about himself in comparison to what he was being taught at school. After going through “misery”, James decided to be his true authentic self when his dad’s death changed his perspective on life.

He added: “Sadly, my dad passed away when I was 18 and it really forced me to take life for everything it is and everything it gives you. After it, I knew I had to live my truth. My dad was so young when he passed, he was 41, which is one year away from where I am and I knew I wasn’t going to live this long lying. It wasn’t an option.

“Losing my dad, I just decided to accept who I was and it was an amazing moment. It drove me to really investigate myself and what it meant to be queer and gay. Ultimately going through hardship and being dragged up in so many ways through life just forced me to be unapologetic when it came to making work.”

James Baker never got to come out to his dad but insists he would have supported him no matter what (James Baker)

The values which James’ dad taught him can be seen in his work including the recent Cherry Jezebel and the upcoming Masquerade - both of which shed a light on the city’s LGBTQ+ community.

James told the ECHO : “ He was a wonderful man in his own way. The biggest lesson he ever gave me was to work really hard and to pave your way. Have ambition and see it through. He gave me resilience and persistence and made me understand that life isn’t about sitting back and waiting for the opportunity or being privileged enough to be offered one. He made me realise you need to work, go out and create that noise and get that opportunity.”

The director's next piece of work, Masquerade at the Epstein Theatre, is said to be an "electrifying" play with "Liverpool's queer history at its heart". The "powerful and emotional" tale set is set in an iconic gay club in the 1980s and acts as a poignant tale of love and loss among the city's community during the AIDS crisis.

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