“Dad I’m fed up of losing all my friends to suicide, this has got to stop.”
These were the haunting last words said by Ross McPherson in a conversation with his dad just hours before he took his own life.
Speaking exclusively to Lanarkshire Live, as he bids to raise awareness of the scourge of male suicide, Neil McPherson revealed that the sudden death of his 22-year-old son caught him completely off-guard.
Ross, known locally in his hometown of East Kilbride as ‘Skinny’, tragically died by suicide on August 7, last year.
In what became a shocking double tragedy in the South Lanarkshire town, his friend Scott Carrigan, 23, had taken his own life just days earlier.
Their loved ones have since spoken out in a bid to break the stigma surrounding mental health and are urging others to speak out if they are struggling.
“Everything was 100 miles an hour with Ross, typical of anyone that age, his gran used to call him a whirlwind”, Neil said. “You almost had to sit down and have a rest after he’d been in.
“I used to drive Ross to work every morning and that was my time for speaking to him, that’s when we had our chats.
“That’s been the biggest therapy for me. Soon after he passed I started speaking to him in the mornings as if he was still in the car with me because I felt that he was still with me. That’s been a big help.
“I’ve thought over and over again whether that was his way of saying he was thinking of doing it, but the way he put it was that he was fed up of losing his friends to suicide so I didn’t think he was in any danger.”
Last week Neil and Ross’ mum Peggie, both 53, were joined by 15 of his friends on a poignant week-long fundraiser along the West Highland Way in support of Lanarkshire suicide prevention charity Chris’s House.
The Westwood couple are being supported in their grief through the charity’s weekly crisis counselling group and were eager to give something back while spreading mental health awareness. The charity trek has so far raised £5300.
HGV driver assessor Neil explained: “We’re raising money for Chris’s House in Wishaw. They do a lot of work in suicide prevention.
“It’s just nice to meet other parents who have had the same experience. Talking in the groups has been a big help to us.
“Ross was our only child. Your whole life revolves around them and every decision you make is for them. Then all of a sudden they’re not there anymore, so it’s quite difficult to find another path in life.
“You either give up and go down a bad path or you decide to get on with life.”
Unaware of Ross’ mental health battles leading up to his death, Neil revealed that he was only aware of some issues with anxiety a few years prior.
He claimed that Ross was given medication by his doctor and referred to Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAHMS) but came away feeling like he didn’t fit the criteria for professional help.
“You come from a reasonably affluent family and are relatively alright”, said Neil. “Unless they can put you in a box they don’t seem to be greatly interested in you and tell you to just get on with it.
“I wish we’d have known about Chris’ House when Ross had his anxiety. Maybe if he’d had the chance to go and speak to people at that time things might have been different.
“He really was doing well. He had a good job at McQueen’s Dairies which he was excelling in as a team leader - they thought the world of him. He was in his own wee flat, he was just back from Ibiza and due to go to Creamfields and Magaluf.”
And he added: “It’s unfortunate we didn’t get any sort of warning.”
Neil claims that the local police on duty that fateful night told him that over the course of a two-week shift pattern, officers would attend at least one suicide and staggeringly, in some cases, four or five.
Ross was home alone when he died. He would have been 23 a month later.
Neil added: “The last time I saw Ross he gave me a hug and said he was going to his bed.
“It was the worst day of my life. I couldn’t get a hold of him and messaged his pal who went down and kicked the door in and found him. By the time we got to his flat the ambulance was there. They wouldn’t let me in and strongly advised me not to come in.
“I’m forever glad that I took their advice. I don’t think I could ever have a worst day in my life.”
Neil said that one day along the West Highland Way hit him particularly badly when he thought of his son.
“I was on my own, going up the Devil’s Staircase, the sun was out, the views were good and I just thought Ross would have loved this - he enjoyed going hillwalking when he was younger”, he said.
“That particular day just broke my heart, it really did. It wasn’t an easy week but we got there. Ross’ peer group were really hit hard by his death, some of them have really struggled with it so I think a lot of them got something out of the trip.”
Suicide rates among men are more than three times higher than females in Scotland.
According to the latest figures, the number of probable deaths by suicide in Lanarkshire dropped by just under a quarter last year.
Statistics revealed by the National Records of Scotland, show the rate decreasing by six per cent in the country as a whole - with the fall largely attributed to a drop in female suicides.
Overall in Lanarkshire, the total number dropped from 112 to 89 - a decrease of 20 per cent.
But, despite the drop, suicide prevention campaigners say the figures are still shockingly high.
A recent report by Public Health Scotland highlights that suicide was the leading cause of death among children and young adults, accounting for one in four lives lost (820 young people), during the period 2011 to 2020.
It also highlights that those across the 5-24 age group who died by suicide were less likely to have had contact with a healthcare service in the period before death, compared to older adults who died by suicide.
Neil continued: “The biggest thing that shocks me is that if you’re a man from Scotland and you’re under 35 the most likely reason for you to die is suicide.
“How have we come to this particular situation? I just don’t get it.
“Ross was a good lad, I miss him a lot and I’m sad we’ve lost him, and the world has lost him, because he brought so much good to the world in a lot of ways.
“Hopefully in his name we can spread a bit of awareness and try and help somebody.”
Reflecting on his son’s sudden death as a “horrendous time” which continues to cause the family so much pain, Neil says he is determined to do “anything he can” to stop another family going through this.
You can make a donation to the cause here.
If you are struggling and need help and support there are a number of organisations who can be contacted.
■ Samaritans are on 116 123 (24hr) or email jo@samaritans.org – calls are free and confidential.
■ Breathing Space 0800 83 85 87 (6pm – 2am daily and 24 hours weekends) is a free, confidential service for anyone experiencing low mood or depression.
■ For help and support for your mental health, speak to your GP or if out of hours, call NHS 24 on 111.
■ Lanarkshire Suicide Prevention App – search for SP Lanarkshire with your App store provider.
■ ChildLine 0800 1111 – a free 24-hour helpline for children and young people in the UK.
■ HopeLine UK (0800 24 20 24) is a free service for children and young people under the age of 35 who are experiencing thoughts of suicide and for anyone concerned that a young person could be thinking about suicide.
■ For more focused support see www.elament.org.uk
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