Bodies are incredible things. Capable of sporting marvels, yes, but just the sheer complexity of the numerous systems that keep us alive is mind-bending. Still, humans have been fascinated for millennia with one particular aspect of human biology: farts.
For one Reddit user, the thought of weaponizing farts against a table of unruly dude bros was just too good to pass up. He recently turned to the r/pettyrevenge community to recount the tale of him and a buddy dealing a double smelly smackdown after the rowdy table left their server in tears.
More info: Reddit
Rowdy restaurant goers kicked up a fuss about their drinks order, leaving their server in tears
Image credits: pressfoto (not the actual photo)
Friends quickly cooked up a stinky plan to punish the jerks at the nearby table
Image credits: Dom J (not the actual photo)
Guy and his friend took turns to go by the problem table, farting silently but violently as they passed
Image credits: Valeriya Kobzar (not the actual photo)
Gassed up guys at rude table quickly descended into finger pointing in all directions
Image credits: Helena Lopes (not the actual photo)
The manager came over and told the rude dudes they’d have to leave if they didn’t calm down
Image credits: Virtual-Pie5732
The rude table was finally assigned a buff male server to their table, which subdued them somewhat
The story begins with OP telling the community that he was out with some friends for a mate’s birthday. They were only at the birthday boy’s favorite restaurant for five minutes before they realized a close table of rude guys was probably going to be a problem.
According to OP, the offending table was rowdy, and gave their server a hard time. After a while, the same server came over to take OP and his friends’ drinks order. A bit later, there was a commotion at the obnoxious table. As it turned out, not all the rude dudes had IDs, so the server was explaining that she couldn’t place their order.
After more uproar, the server finally says she’ll go and get her manager, but quickly leaves in tears. This was too much for the birthday boy, who was getting really angry at this stage. While his GF was trying to calm him down, one of his friends smirked and said, “I have a better idea.”
The friend quickly explained that he had to pass wind. OP, being on the same wavelength, smiled and added that he did too. The two guys quickly agreed on their cunning strategy: to crop dust the table of obnoxious guys.
The table was situated on the way to the restaurant bathroom, giving OP and his friend the perfect opportunity to deliver their smelly packages. OP’s friend went first, and the fuss at the table was obvious, leaving the group of fools to blame one of their number. Then OP did his thing, coming face to face with his friend around the corner.
This time the offending table was thrown into turmoil, with fingers pointing in every direction. Not surprisingly, the manager came over and told the table of dude bros that they’d have to calm down or get out. The dude bros stayed, but their new server was a well-built guy with a look that said, “Mess around and find out.”
OP and his friend no doubt stirred things up with their bowel bombs and made the best use of their digestive systems in the scenario. It’s certainly not the first nor last time this kind of behavior has gone down. After all, farting and fart jokes occupy their own niche in popular comedy.
Image credits: Isabella Mendes (not the actual photo)
In her article on Mental Floss, author Jennifer M Wood writes that, if you want to sound super smart when someone steps on a duck, you’ll want to use the proper medical term for a fart: flatus. It comes from the Latin word meaning “the act of blowing.” The first known use of the word occurred in 1651 and is simply defined as “gas generated in the stomach or bowels.”
If you want to take your toot talk up one notch further, try using borborygmus—that’s the word gastroenterologists use to describe the rumbling noise your stomach makes when you’ve got some gas brewing.
According to Wood, everybody farts, adults about 14 times a day. If you’re a human being who breathes, you’re a human being who breaks wind—gas is essentially the byproduct of the air you swallow mixing with the (generally healthy) bacteria and other organic compounds in your large intestine, then finding its way out of your body via your rear-end.
Ninety-nine percent of what constitutes a toot has no smell at all, Wood adds. It’s made up of nitrogen, oxygen, carbon dioxide, hydrogen, and methane—all of which are odorless. It’s generally when sulfur makes its way into the mix, mainly via the foods you eat—think broccoli, cauliflower, Brussels sprouts, and dairy products—that things start to stink.
We’ve all heard stories, or seen YouTube videos, of people lighting a fart on fire. And yes, it’s true that a lit flame and a gaseous toot can make for an explosive combination. But here’s another fun, science-y fart fact: If a person lets rip in cold weather with their pants down, it would likely be visible—in the same way that we can see our breath in cold weather.
If you’d rather avoid the sulfur-like smell of any farts, there’s a pill for that. In 2014, a French inventor named Christian Poincheval claimed he could turn your flatus from sour to sweet with a pill that will make your gas smell like chocolate. If chocolate isn’t your thing, there are rose, violet, ginger, and lily of the valley varieties, too.
What do you think of OP and his friend’s rotten revenge? Have you ever been visited by an unwelcome odor in a public place? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
Reddit weighed in with many tales of woe from people who had worked as servers, as well as fart-related queries
