Here’s Ed Aarons’ report on a vigorous but ultimately disappointing game. Thanks for your company, emails and music tips. Goodnight.
Updated
Spot the outlier
These are the results of the last 15 games between Palace and Newcastle.
5-1, 1-0, 1-0, 1-1, 0-0, 0-1, 1-0, 1-0, 0-2, 1-2, 1-1, 1-0, 0-0, 0-0, 0-0.
The updated Premier League table
This time last year, Newcastle were 19th, with 12 points from 20 games. Oh and they’d conceded 43 goals, compared to 11 this season.
| Pos | Team | P | GD | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Arsenal | 18 | 28 | 47 |
| 2 | Man City | 19 | 30 | 42 |
| 3 | Newcastle | 20 | 22 | 39 |
| 4 | Man Utd | 19 | 8 | 39 |
| 5 | Tottenham Hotspur | 20 | 8 | 33 |
| 6 | Brighton | 19 | 10 | 31 |
| 7 | Fulham | 20 | 3 | 31 |
| 8 | Liverpool | 19 | 9 | 29 |
| 9 | Brentford | 19 | 4 | 29 |
| 10 | Chelsea | 20 | 1 | 29 |
| 11 | Aston Villa | 20 | -4 | 28 |
| 12 | Crystal Palace | 20 | -9 | 24 |
| 13 | Nottm Forest | 20 | -19 | 21 |
| 14 | Leicester | 20 | -7 | 18 |
| 15 | West Ham | 20 | -8 | 18 |
| 16 | Leeds | 18 | -7 | 17 |
| 17 | Wolverhampton | 19 | -15 | 17 |
| 18 | AFC Bournemouth | 20 | -23 | 17 |
| 19 | Everton | 20 | -13 | 15 |
| 20 | Southampton | 20 | -18 | 15 |
Full time: Crystal Palace 0-0 Newcastle
Newcastle set a new club-record of 15 top-flight games without defeat, and keep yet another clean sheet, but they’ll be a bit frustrated by this result. They were the better team throughout, albeit without creating too many clear chances. In fact the best save was made by Nick Pope, who, having had nothing to do for 73 minutes, reacted quite brilliantly to tip Jean-Philippe Mateta’s shot over the bar.
This is an excellent result for Palace, who continue to turn up against the big teams. Palace looked weary in attack. They looked weary in defence, in truth, but they fought admirably to keep Newcastle at arm’s length for most of the game.
Updated
90+4 min Joelinton reacts badly after being pulled back by Olise. He swung his arm back towards Olise and then shoved him, before the other players intervened. Both players are booked.
90+2 min Four minutes of added time.
90+1 min “Pixies predated Nirvana and had showcased Come on Pilgrim and Surfer Rosa before Nirvana dreamt of their first white vinyl,” says Brian Hudner. “As one physicist famously said to another: ‘You’re not even wrong’.”
I know. It’s an old, entirely infantile joke that I’ve been amusing myself with on these liveblogs since about 2004.
90 min: Palace substitution David Ozoh, 17, becomes Palace’s youngest ever Premier League player. He’s on for Odsonne Edouard.
89 min: Chance for Newcastle! Murphy plays a one-two with Schar and flashes the most inviting ball that rolls right across the six-yard box. Eventually it reaches Saint-Maximin beyond the far post, but his first touch is slightly heavy and that allows the outrushing Palace defenders to block his shot.
88 min “The Flaming Lips are probably the band that I’ve seen live more times than any other,” writes Simon McMahon. “Despite that, I’ve not yet listened to my copy of Zaireeka, the experimental concept album of four discs that needs to be played on separate systems at the same time. I’m guessing Pep Guardiola is a fan though.”
87 min Doucoure is booked for a cynical foul on the breaking Saint-Maximin. For the team, he took one.
86 min: Newcastle substitution Jacob Murphy replaces Miguel Almiron, who must wish the World Cup never happened.
86 min Trippier’s near-post corner hits Schar on the back and loops over the bar.
84 min Ayew’s brilliant cross from the left just evades Mateta, who was well blocked by Burn. Excellent defending. At the other end Isak twists away from Guehi on the left side of the area, but Guehi stretches to make a fine tackle. Palace’s defenders have put in an admirable shift.
84 min If it stays like this it will be the third goalless draw between Palace and Newcastle this season, and Newcastle’s third 0-0 in the last four Premier Leagu e games.
83 min Longstaff goes over in the area after bumping into Mitchell, but the only penalty appeals come from the away fans.
Updated
82 min Trippier’s very deep corner is headed straight at Guaita by Burn (I think). A quarter chance really.
82 min “Ex-Fire Engines maverick Davie Henderson went on to form and deform the magnificent, post T.Rex, riff-swagger beast, Nectarine #9,” says Shane O’Leary, although he didn’t use the word ‘maverick’, “and Ballboy are cello-drenched teachers who write songs about the perfect murder.”
You are literally the first person I have ever heard talk about Ballboy. Who knew the MBM readership hated themselves so much were so discerning?
Updated
81 min Newcastle are really pushing for a winner now, pinning Palace back with a number of set pieces.
79 min: Chance for Isak! Almiron plays in the overlapping Trippier, who stands up a decent cross towards Isak. He hangs in the air for ages but heads straight at Guaita. There was no pace on the ball, so it wasn’t the easiest chance.
79 min “I feel like I was misreading the room with a comment about the match rather than late 90s alternative music,” says Tom Frater. “So in that vein I should also say that it’s only this year I first properly listened to Neutral Milk Hotel’s ‘In the Aeroplane Over The Sea’. Wholly worth the wait – although it’s slightly making me question my at-the-time-but-still-there love of the Decemberists, given how derivative the Portland outfit could be accused of being of the earlier act.”
Nothing wrong with being derivative. People rave about the Pixies, and I’m a huge fan myself, but really they’re just a Nirvana tribute band.
Updated
78 min Isak tries to run Richards, who times his tackle well. Corner to Newcastle.
76 min That was Palace’s first shot on target. I know he’s not the greatest with the ball at his feet, and he has occasionally looked nervous when playing for England, but Nick Pope is an outrageously good shot-stopper.
75 min Hughes is booked for repeating offending.
73 min: Brilliant save from Pope! He’s had bugger all to do all game, which makes this save even better. Ayew’s speculative ball forward bounced off a couple of players in the area and fell to Mateta, 12 yards from goal. He nailed a rising shot across goal, but Pope flew to his right and stretched to tip it over the bar. That’s a spectacular reaction save.
Updated
72 min “Another Grandaddy fan here who thinks they’re underrated,” says J.R. in Illinois. “Do yourself a favor (or favour) and check out the song MGM Grand. (It’s from the Signal to Snow Ratio EP). Of course I’m also an early Flaming Lips fan. In the early 90s a friend hired a bus and about 30 of us went to see them at a small club a couple hours away in Indianapolis where we were over half the crowd. Ah, those were the days.”
71 min: Palace substitution Jairo Riedewald replaces Joel Ward, who looks pretty tired and in no mood to spend 20 minutes chasing Allan Saint-Maximin.
70 min “Well if your viewers are left disappointed by this game for any reason,” deadpans Colin Young, “they can come on down to ‘Emo-Therapy’, which is a covers band, doing pretty much what it says in the name; Blink 182, My Chemical Romance, etc.. at the Cavendish Arms Stockwell London. If that floats anyone’s boat. Starts at 8pm so get a shufty on.”
You do Sparklehorse, right?
69 min: Double substitution for Newcastle Isak and Saint-Maximin replace Callum Wilson and Joe Willock. That presumably means Joelinton will move back into midfield.
69 min “They probably can’t be connected with the American bands brought up already,” says John Davis, “but the discussion has reminded me of the criminally unknown Slint. Every time I see Jamaal Lascelles achieve another booking as a non-playing substitute, I start humming ‘Good Morning Captain’.”
They’re on my list of Bands I Really Should Get Into But Let’s Be Honest If It Was Going To Happen It Needed To Be About 15 Years Ago.
68 min Newcastle are readying two high-class substitutes: Alexander Isak and Allan Saint-Maximin.
66 min Willock twists the weary Ward one way and then the other, but Ward recovers to block Willock’s cross at the expense of a corner.
65 min: Triple substitution for Palace Michael Olise, Will Hughes and Jean-Philippe Mateta replace Jeff Schlupp, Eberechi Eze and the injured Wilfried Zaha.
63 min “I see your point about those three albums as a triptych of some kind,” says Matt Dony. “Although, Deserter’s Songs is obviously the finest and set a bar that the other two could never realistically meet. Similarly, I group Steal My Sunshine by Len and Drinking In LA by Bran Van 3000 together. The songs are not necessarily alike, but always appear in my head together. I have nothing to add in regard to the match, sorry.”
We can talk about Liverpool if you like. Gakpo? Nunez? I know what you mean about those songs, both part of the 1999 One-Hit Wonder club I suppose, though I tend to put Steal My Sunshine alongside You Get What You Give by the New Radicals.
This must be all sorts of fun for people who don’t like late-90s alternative music, or music, or anything other than football.
62 min: Chance for Newcastle! Trippier’s outswinging corner is headed wide of the near post by Botman. That’s another really good chance. He eased Edouard out of the way and then powered a header just wide.
62 min Trippier gets to the byline and stretches to slide a cutback that is kicked behind by Richards at the near post. Zaha is still on the field, but he’s struggling.
61 min Zaha is going to try to run off his hamstring injury. Diego Costa tried that game in the 2014 Champions League final, and if he can’t manage it…
60 min Guimares, who looks a class apart, shapes a terrific cross from the right side of the area that is headed behind by the stooping Ward.
59 min Zaha has pulled his hamstring. This is a serious blow to Palace, and to Zaha, who punches the ground angrily.
57 min Trippier is booked for fouling Zaha. He probably should have been booked in the first half, so he can’t really complain.
57 min Joelinton curls straight at Guaita from 22 yards. A fairly tame effort.
57 min “If we’re talking criminally underrated bands of that era,” says Mark, “I’d like to throw my hat in for recently reformed Scottish indie band, The Delgados - American Trilogy.”
It’s a yes from me.
56 min Newcastle continue to dominate every facet of the game except the most important one. I’m not sure what’s up with Palace, who are playing with none of their usual vibrancy. Maybe they’re just tired after playing in midweek.
54 min “You asked at the start of the game what was the point of Crystal Palace always finishing 12-15th,” says David Bowden. “It means having a solvent club run by a true fan and seemingly decent bloke which invests in the local community, pays a living wage to its non-playing employees (even in lockdown) and the occasional chance to be a thorn in the side of the big boys
“In an age of sportswashing, sovereign investment funds, private equity moneyball and other dubious political links it does feel like simply just doing your best as a club within your means possibly outweighs going on a European run or winning the transfer window.
“Difficult to begrudge the Geordies having some fun after the Ashley years, but not sure how much joy I’d feel about a state or oligarch owned Palace winning the Champions League either compared to how I felt watching Olise’s goal on Wed.”
At the risk of despicable egotism, I should say that I didn’t ask what the point was; I said some would wonder what the point was, and that’s undeniably the case. Anyone with a brain knows that clubs like Palace make the Premier League a better, more soulful place. But also, think how many teams have been relegated in the ten years since Palace were promoted. To never really be in a relegation battle in that time is, quietly, a serious achievement. I was going to say it’s a remarkable achievement but then nobody really remarks upon it.
53 min: Chance for Newcastle! Trippier takes a short corner on the left, gets the ball back and curls a lovely inswinging cross towards Wilson on the six-yard line. He heads straight at Guaita, and instantly regrets it. That was a really good chance, although he was moving slightly away from goal as he made contact.
Updated
52 min Joelinton gallops away from Ward down the left and cuts the ball back to Wilson, back to goal on the six-yard line. Richards gets a foot in and then Guimaraes’s cross is deflected behind. From which…
50 min Since that early burst from Newcastle, nada. Nowt. Diddly. Bugger all.
47 min “I genuinely thought I was the only one who considered those Flamingdaddyrevs albums as part of something connected,” says Mark Grassick. “They’ve always been very much linked in my head, although I’d probably put Sparklehorse’s Good Morning Spider in there too. Going on a 90s nostalgia trip now.”
I always thought Sparklehorse was so singular that he just existed in his own (sad and beautiful) world. It’s such a personal thing though; you could make the same argument about the other three bands.
46 min A fast start from Newcastle. Guimaraes feeds a fine pass into Longstaff on the right side of the area, but his cross is behind everyone.
46 min Peep peep! Crystal Palace begin the second half, with no changes on either side. Yet.
“Newcastle look v classy – there’s pleasure to be taken in how easily they have snuffed out and recycled any Palace attacks – but also toothless,” says Tom Frater. “To what extent does this come down to Callum Wilson? He seems such a good egg and the team play better with him, but I’d be quite keen to see the expensive lad on the bench show what he can do in the second half.”
It’ll be interesting, if it stays 0-0, to see whether Eddie Howe will risk playing Isak and Wilson, as he did against Fulham last week.
Half-time reading
If you haven’t seen Kaoru Mitoma’s goal, get it done.
Half time: Crystal Palace 0-0 Newcastle
It’s goalless.
45+1 min: Chance for Palace! Eze curls a lovely outswinging cross to the far post, where Richards gets behind Burn and Botman but mistimes a header over the bar from six yards. That’s a really good chance, the best of the half, and he beats the ground in frustration at not taking it.
A BIG chance for Chris Richards and Crystal Palace just before half-time! 💥 pic.twitter.com/hUlea3YDlg
— Sky Sports Premier League (@SkySportsPL) January 21, 2023
Updated
45 min Doucoure sprays a long pass towards Zaha, who goes over on the edge of the area under challenge from Trippier. There was nothing much in that. The ball runs loose to Edouard, whose shot deflects wide off Trippier.
45 min The resulting free-kick, taken by Trippier, bounces off the unsighted Schar at the far post and dribbles through to Guaita. Newcastle look a threat at set-pieces.
44 min Eze wipes out Almiron and is maybe fortunate to avoid a booking. I haven’t a clue any more.
42 min Anyway, back to the football. Newcastle have been extremely good for three-quarters of the pitch, but it isn’t quite happening in the Palace area. Yet.
40 min “Seeing Grandaddy, one of the most criminally underrated bands, of the last 30 years, mentioned in the MBM makes my entire weekend,” says Cale Hand. “I love the Guardian, I love football, and I love Grandaddy. Keep up the stellar work.”
I had no idea Grandaddy were seen as underrated. I don’t know them that well apart from The Sophtware Slump, in truth, but Jason Lytle released a gorgeous song last year called Drop That Hero. He’s also in the charming Sparklehorse documentary that finally came out a few months ago.
39 min In the last 15 minutes, Newcastle have had 78 per cent of the possession. They are playing with the authority of a top team – but they are still aren’t creating that much. A speculative curler from Almiron, 20 yards out, goes well wide.
36 min: Good save by Guaita! The resulting corner ricochets around the Palace area until Joelinton cracks a close-range shot on the turn that is really well blocked by Guaita. The ball hit Mitchell’s hand on the way through to Guaita, but it was fairly tight to his chest. No penalty.
Updated
35 min Excellent defending from Zaha, who takes the ball off the toe of Almiron in the area. Almiron was shaping to shoot after being set up by Guimaraes.
34 min Ayew has a hopeful shot blocked. Given their ability, Palace look surprisingly timid in attack.
32 min Eze is receiving treatment, so both managers take the opportunity to have an impromptu teamtalk.
31 min Newcastle try a funky training-ground free-kick. Trippier plays the ball to Guimaraes, whose clip into the area is headed partially clear. Willock slices a difficult volley high and wide from the edge of the area.
30 min Guehi fouls Wilson 30 yards from goal. Newcastle enquire about the possibility of a second yellow card, and I’d argue that was more of a bookable offence than the first one. He could easily have been sent off there.
Updated
27 min Newcastle’s domination is in danger of becoming a little sterile. Vicente Guaita has only had a couple of fairly routine saves to make, although that’s two more than Nick Pope at this juncture.
26 min “While I appreciate the love for The Flaming Lips, I’m sad that Grandaddy, always seem to get overlooked,” says Chris Brock. “Under The Western Freeway is a fabulous album.”
Isn’t The Sophtware Slump their best album? I’m a bit of a Grandaddy tourist, so I might be wrong on that. For no particular reason, I always think of that album as part of a trilogy: Deserter’s Songs by Mercury Rev in 1998, The Soft Bulletin by Flaming Lips in 1999 and The Sophtware Slump by Grandaddy in 2000.
25 min Palace want a yellow card for a foul by Guimaraes on Schlupp. It was not dissimilar to the tackle for which Guehi was booked, though I think Guehi’s was slightly worse.
Updated
24 min What comes next in this sequence: 1-0, 1-0, 1-1, 0-0, 0-1, 1-0, 1-0, 0-2, 1-2, 1-1, 1-0, 0-0, 0-0?
We’ll find out at about 7.24pm. Those are the scorelines in the last 13 games between these teams.
22 min A Sky Sports graphic informs us that, thus far, Wilfried Zaha has had two touches.
20 min: Chance for Newcastle! Schar rumbles forward from the back and pokes a nice pass to Joelinton, who gallops away from Ward in the area but shoots tamely at Guaita from about 10 yards.
19 min The Palace players are again unhappy when Craig Pawson gives a corner to Newcastle despite the ball coming off Almiron. All’s well that ends well: nothing comes of the corner.
16 min Trippier is pretty lucky not to be booked for pulling back Eze, and the Palace players are unimpressed.
15 min Newcastle are playing well here. They’re not massively on top, but they just look a bit sharper, a bit classier, a bit more confident.
14 min Trippier’s corner is headed away. Longstaff drives the ball back towards Trippier, who cushions a volley into the path of Burn just inside the area. He whistles a sweet half-volley but it’s straight at Guaita and he holds on.
13 min Almiron plays a nice pass down the right to Longstaff, whose low cross towards Wilson is put behind by Guehi (I think). Corner to Newcastle.
12 min “One more thing,” says Joe Pearson; .”Based on your ‘recommendation’, I have cued up ‘Transmissions from the Satellite Heart’ by Flaming Lips as the soundtrack of this match. Peter Drury? Who’s that?”
No no no no no, you need 7 Skies H3.
10 min Joelinton flicks a nonchalant pass to find Guimaraes in space on the left. The move peters out but Newcastle are having plenty of joy on that side.
8 min The lively Willock staggers away from Doucoure in the area, but Richards comes across to knock the ball off Willock and behind for a goalkick.
7 min “G’day Rob and my fellow Newcastle fans!” chirps Chris Paraskevas. “It’s 4:30 am here in Sydney and I’ve been roused by my alarm (no all-nighter for this one). My old high-school mate was a mad Palace fan, back in the ‘glory days’ of Simon Jordan, Iain Dowie (...not Shearer’s assistant vintage) and Andy Johnson. I remember him once trying to convince our school team why Palace were going to rise and become one of Europe’s great clubs. I think that bus ride is still going for him (metaphorically). HTL!”
6 min: Chance for Almiron! Willock plays a nice one-two with Guimaraes on the left, moves into the area and stands up a deep cross towards Almiron, who shins a right-footed volley into the side netting. For a second, the Newcastle fans at the other end thought it had gone in; their tenative cheers were drowned out by emphatic “AHHHHHHHHHHH”s from the home fans.
5 min Nothing to report apart from that yellow card. Newcastle look confident in possession though, as you’d expect given their recent form.
4 min Guehi overruns the ball, cleans out Botman and is booked.
Updated
3 min “Your preamble is certainly making the case that I should go out and run my Saturday errands instead of watching the match,” says Joe Pearson. “But I am lazy by nature, so I’ll stick with you and this goalless draw. You’re welcome!”
1 min Peep peep! Newcastle, wearing their Saudi Arabia third strip, kick off from right to left.
“Is it not an axiom of association football that Crystal Palace will always stay 12th?” says Vibhanshu Bisht. “Whenever I take a look at the middle of the table, they are always firmly ensconced in that spot. Even before, during and after the last game against Man United, they were never under threat of being moved from that position.”
It’s a good point. Since being promoted in 2013, they have finished between 10th and 15th every time. Some might wonder what the point is, but given how tough the Premier League can be for the have-nots, going nowhere for a decade is actually quite an achievement.
Eddie Howe speaks
"The medical team and Bruno were more than happy for him to play today"
— Sky Sports Premier League (@SkySportsPL) January 21, 2023
How will Bruno Guimarães be for Newcastle today? 💭 pic.twitter.com/OhBnFkxL58
Palace and Newcastle have already played out two goalless draws this season, one in the league and one in the Carabao Cup, and their last 13 meetings have produced a whopping 15 goals.
Wait, come back!
Patrick Vieira speaks
Patrick Vieira explains why he's made four changes to his Crystal Palace side and how they will set up against Newcastle United 👇 pic.twitter.com/K5HlAQX5gB
— Sky Sports Premier League (@SkySportsPL) January 21, 2023
Classified results (Premier League department)
Bournemouth 1-1 Nottm Forest
Leicester 2-2 Brighton
Liverpool 0-0 Chelsea
Southampton 0-1 Aston Villa
West Ham 2-0 Everton
Crystal Palace will stay 12th whatever happens tonight. Newcastle, who start in fourth, will move above Manchester United if they draw.
The teams in (probable) formation
Crystal Palace (4-2-3-1) Guaita; Ward, Richards, Guehi, Mitchell; Doucoure, Schlupp; Ayew, Eze, Zaha; Edouard.
Substitutes: Johnstone, Clyne, Milivojevic, Olise, Hughes, Riedewald, Wells-Morrison, Ozoh, Mateta.
Newcastle (4-3-3) Pope; Trippier, Schar, Botman, Burn; Longstaff, Guimaraes, Willock; Almiron, Wilson, Joelinton.
Substitutes: Dubravka, Lascelles, Lewis, Manquillo, Ritchie, Murphy, Anderson, Saint-Maximin, Isak.
Referee Craig Pawson.
Team news
Michael Olise, who scored the equaliser against Man Utd on Wednesday, has been dropped/rotated. That’s one of four changes made by Patrick Vieira: Joel Ward, Jeff Schlupp, Eberechi Eze and Jordan Ayew replace Nathaniel Clyne, Will Hughes, Jean-Philippe Mateta and Olise.
Bruno Guimaraes is fit, so Newcastle are unchanged from the last Sunday’s victory over Fulham. Alexander Isak, who came off the bench to score the winner, remains among the substitutes.
Our side to face Newcastle 👊
— Crystal Palace F.C. (@CPFC) January 21, 2023
🧡 @shophumm #CPFC | #CRYNEW
HOWAY NEWCASTLE! 💪#CRYNEW pic.twitter.com/a5XlEa1LLF
— Newcastle United FC (@NUFC) January 21, 2023
Updated
Preamble
A remarkable thing happened on 4 November 2022: Nick Pope conceded a goal. Since Romain Perraud’s late non-consolation for Southampton in a 4-1 defeat at St Mary’s, Pope has gone 721 minutes without being beaten. That’s 12 hours and one minute – enough time to watch an entire season of Succession, or listen to side one of a Flaming Lips album.
Right here, right now, Newcastle have the best defence in the Premier League. It’s quite an achievement – and quite a change in identity for a club whose previous Premier League success, under Kevin Keegan and Sir Bobby Robson, involved scoring as many goals as possible and the hell with clean sheets.
Crystal Palace have already ended one run this week, stopping Manchester United’s winning sequence at nine thanks to Michael Olise’s marvellous free-kick, and they’d love to do the same today – not just by scoring past Pope, but by stopping Newcastle from setting a new club record of 15 top-flight games without defeat.
Kick off 5.30pm.
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