More and more couples are choosing to cohabit – living together as if they were married or in a civil partnership, without being either. The latest data from the Office for National Statistics (ONS) showed that in 2020, 13% of people over 16 in England and Wales who were living together in a couple were cohabiting – up from 11% in 2010.
As we approach Valentine’s Day, some couples may be thinking about taking the big step and moving in together for the first time too.
Cohabitation can be hugely exciting, and a big step forward for a relationship.
But it also comes with its own responsibilities and considerations – both in terms of the relationship itself, and potentially less ‘romantic’ aspects like money, and the law.
Here, Fiona Turner, partner and family lawyer at national law firm Weightmans, shares her five top tips for couples thinking of moving in.
Have ‘the talk’ – and be realistic
You know you want to spend more time together. But, before making the choice to cohabit, it’s essential that you really understand why it is that you want to start cohabiting.
Whatever your reasons, make sure your partner is on the same page.
In our experience of working with couples, we often find there can be an expectation gap that can cause issues further down the line – an open, honest conversation can help to bridge that now.
When speaking, make sure you discuss your long-term goals and ambitions. There should of course be room for everyone to change their mind, but talking about things like where each of you see yourselves living, in five or ten years, or whether you’d like children, will help set and manage expectations.
Before committing to a move, also think about how you’ve handled conflict in the past – both together, and individually.
If you’re not prepared to compromise and accept the good with the bad that living together with someone can bring, you might be best holding off on your decision.
Discuss the money
Along with talking about future personal or family goals, it will be essential to talk about your finances too.
Discuss what you are each going to contribute to household finances each month – whether that’s based on your respective earnings, a use-by-use basis or a simple split.
Consider whether one or both of you has any liabilities – debts, like outstanding, potentially expensive, money owed on credit cards, that might limit what you can do financially, and that you might want to prioritise paying off as a couple to help improve your overall finances.
Then there’s the big question of a joint bank account. Should you open one, and how much will you be keeping aside for private spending?
Know your legal rights
Cohabiting partners have different – more limited – rights under the law should the worst happen, and a relationship break down.
Unlike married spouses or civil partners, cohabiting partners in England and Wales cannot claim maintenance for themselves, or a share of their partner’s capital assets (including their business), or their pension, even in cases where they’ve been together for decades.
Any claims that a partner has over assets or property that they might both live in will be limited to what they legally own under land or trust laws. People are often shocked to discover that they have no claim over their home in circumstances where they’ve lived with a partner for many years, but the property is owned by the other.
Given the legal considerations, seeking the advice of a solicitor can be a good idea so you know what to expect in the event of a split and can plan accordingly. You may also decide to agree an alternative arrangement with your partner once the relative lack of legal protection is considered and record it in a cohabitation agreement.
If you do decide to proceed, there are some other simple steps you can take to help manage the risk of your being left in a difficult position in the event of a split.
For example, if you choose to buy a property together, agree what your respective shares of the property are, and set it out clearly in a Declaration of Trust if you intend to hold it other than purely 50/50. Your conveyancing solicitor should also advise you about different ways of holding property jointly with someone else, as this can regulate what happens to an interest in a property if one of the owners were to pass away.
You should also consider making a Will. This can help ensure that your partner is provided for by your estate if you pass away – if that is what you want to happen. You can always update your Will if your wishes change in the future.
Put it on paper – consider a cohabitation agreement
Something that’s becoming more and more common – and can be a major help in managing the administrative and legal factors of living together – are cohabitation agreements.
These set out your respective financial positions. They can regulate who funds what expenses while you are together, and how your assets should be divided if your relationship comes to an end – including your rights and responsibilities towards each other and any children you may have.
If there’s disagreement, don’t just jump to court
Separating couples who have cohabited and who don’t have a cohabitation agreement in place or can’t agree on what should happen with shared items, like property, can be left with the prospect of having to apply to court to resolve disputes.
These cases can be complicated, lengthy and high risk.
Instead, where suitable, consider a non-court dispute resolution – something like mediation, arbitration or a collaborative solution. While a degree of co-operation is needed for this to work from the start, it can give couples the chance to take some control back over their situation and make it more personal to them – generally to both parties’ benefit.
