Having happily lived alone for more than 20 years, Diana Luke had no desire to move in with her partner - despite being together for 14 years. In fact, the 69-year-old, from Sheffield, admits she’d even go as far as saying having separate houses and bedrooms could be fundamental to making a relationship work.
When Diana, a radio presenter, first met her partner Tim Hollingworth, 68, in 2008, they were both getting over relationships with “people who had a lot of drama”, so they decided to keep their individual homes. However, with the recent rise in the cost of living, both Diana and Tim thought it would make sense to only have one set of bills, instead of two, so they started to look for a joint property.
Although they’re both in agreement about one thing in that their new home must have separate bedrooms and Diana even argues that intimacy isn't compromised - creating 'sexual titillation.' And they're not alone. A survey of 1,000 people aged over 65 by Boom Radio revealed almost half (46 per cent) said sleeping in different bedrooms is vital to keeping the spark alive, with 24 per cent saying they regularly decamped to the spare room.
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Diana, who presents a late-night weekday show on Boom Radio - a station launched for baby boomers - said: "Tim and I have never lived together.
"I’ve not had a great run with marriage, and I’ve become quite independent. I’ve lived for more than 20 years on my own. Tim was getting over a tough relationship too.
"We get on fine, and we never row, so why would we move in together?
"But, in the current economy, and with all these crazy bills paying for two houses - I rent my house too - we thought what would it be like to be in a different situation, without that pressure.
"We’re going to have two separate bedrooms. So, if there’s snoring, if you want to stay up and read or watch something or the other person doesn’t, or if you’ve got different times that you'd like to go to bed and wake up; you're not disturbing the other person.
"My perfect situation would be to buy two houses that are attached with an adjoining door. You live your own lives, you come over to each other, but you’re not always in each other’s company.”
Diana, who has four children from a previous relationship, and Tim, a cameraman, who has three children, met through a dating website 14 years ago and hit it off instantly.
Having both been in "drama-filled” relationships, the couple decided to stay living apart - opting for “the quiet life”.
Diana, who also works as a hypnotherapist and psychotherapist, said: "We had such dramatic relationships in the past. We used to joke that my ex and his ex would have been great together as they were both drama freaks.
"Both of us wanted a quiet life. And both our sets of children understood that. They know we’re really independent and need to have that breathing space.
"But as you get older, I think you need to know someone’s around.
"One of the biggest problems I’ve noticed with couples’ counselling in lockdown is that I’ve never worked with so many people struggling to be together all the time.
"Home also became the workplace, and if your partner’s there all the time, you can’t get away from that, and you don’t have any time to yourself.
"That’s why it’s important to have your own space in your home. There’s very little drama in this relationship which is fantastic.”
Despite living an hour’s drive from one another, Diana says she and Tim see each other at least every weekend - often going to her "tin tent”, a caravan in Newark.
Another point Diana believes to be key, is for parents to spend individual time with their children when they’re in a new relationship.
"At the weekend, we’ll go to the van in Newark and ride our bikes and go to a pub, and sit by the river and then we'll go for a meal and we go for walks, we see concerts,” Diana says.
"Then he’ll spend time with his kids and I’ll spend time with my kids or we'll do it together. And it's just easy. There's no drama and I think that's the key point.
"When it comes to new relationships, for children, they need time alone with their parent. Because the conversation you have with your children goes back further, and they need that space to have that connection with you, and I think that’s important for a healthy relationship with your kid.”
Diana is keen to point out that having separate rooms doesn’t indicate a lack of intimacy.
In line with the Boom survey, which found 90 per cent of listeners said kissing their partner is the secret to happiness, and 81 per cent said holding hands, Diana says she and Tim are "very romantic”.
"Isn’t it lovely to see people showing affection at our age?” she said.
"We’re very romantic when we’re together. We kiss and hold hands in public. Hugging is a big one - it’s brilliant for connection.
"We’re intimate in the bedroom too - not as often as when we were younger. But it’s still part of who we are. We've got it right this time - so far!
"It’s more fun to have separate bedrooms - so you can go to his bedroom, and get more of what you want, and if you come to my room, you get more of what you want.
"It’s more of a sexual titillation. How he likes his bedroom is very different to how I have my bedroom - I have a four poster bed. It’s a different energy.”
Diana’s new home will also have a space where she can record her Boom Radio show.
"I often talk about my relationships on my show. It’s so refreshing to work for a radio station where I can be authentic. Others just want you to be like the men, and not to talk about relationships and feelings,” Diana says.
"When I record my show from home, Tim knows how to be quiet, he’s a professional!”
Although Diana admits, not having lived with a partner for more than 20 years, it’s a mixture of emotions she’s feeling about the prospect of moving in with Tim.
"It’s a combination of excitement and fear,” she said.
"We’re both looking at our houses thinking ‘how are we going to get those two houses into one’? What are going to have to let go of? It’s tough, and scary.
"It’s probably not a great time to be moving. You get very settled in your ways.
"But we’re both on the same page, we’re both scared. And then the other part is saying, won’t it be lovely.
"It’s something people don’t talk about. We’re really nervous but equally we’re moving ahead with it.
"And once we’ve moved in and we can breathe again, it will be lovely!”
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