Funerals are more important for the living than for the dead. They are a way to honor a person’s memory and gain closure. That’s why people put a lot of importance on attending funerals and get mad if someone misses the event.
Of course, exceptional circumstances can prevent you from going, but the problem is you can’t escape other people’s judgment. This happened to a woman who was going through immense struggles. Despite knowing that, her mom blew up at her for not showing up to her great-grandmom’s funeral.
More info: Mumsnet
When other people expect you to give in to their demands regardless of your well-being, that’s probably the biggest red flag
The woman explained that her great-grandmother’s funeral was planned for the 2nd of September and that her mom and family were going to travel to the location a day before
The poster said that she wasn’t going to attend the funeral since she had recently lost her baby and was struggling with a whole bunch of life changes and responsibilities
Along with having so much to deal with, her mother-in-law kept sending messages criticizing her, and her mom called her selfish for not attending her great-grandma’s funeral
The woman felt heartbroken after having lost her baby and was also hurt by the messages she received from her mom and mother-in-law
Funerals are unexpected events and can’t be planned in advance by just marking a day on the calendar. When someone passes away, of course, everyone who loved them wants to be there and pay their respects. But, sometimes, life gets in the way of doing that. The poster also shared that she had way too much on her plate, which made it tough to attend the funeral.
Apart from moving houses, unpacking, dealing with a broken washing machine, and looking after two cats, the woman had to deal with the pain of losing her baby girl. She hardly had a week to deal with the grief of the loss and was somehow still expected to drive to the funeral. But how could she do that while feeling heartbroken and struggling with doing basic tasks?
A miscarriage is a life-altering and traumatic event. It can make a person feel an intense range of emotions, from shock, grief, and sadness to anger and resentment. It also causes a big change in hormone levels, which can lead to sickness and mood swings. It’s incredibly difficult, and it makes sense that a person would feel overwhelmed.
A person who’s lost their child needs a lot of love, care, and support from the people around them. Apart from professional help like counseling, it’s also essential to be cared for and attended to by loved ones. Family members and friends need to rally around the person and listen to their feelings while also taking care of basic needs they may be unable to manage.
The grieving woman definitely didn’t receive support and care from her loved ones. Instead, her mother-in-law was sending creepy and rude messages criticizing her ability to manage household tasks. Even her own mom was being dismissive of her feelings and the pain she was dealing with.
She told commenters, “My mum has always belittled my feelings and experiences, and she wasn’t even supportive when we moved into the new house. My partner’s mother is just helicopter, she’s constantly messaging him, and likes to try and cut me out of everything even when in my own home.”
Clearly, the behavior of both of these moms is a lesson in how not to support a person who’s had a miscarriage. The best way to be there for someone during such a tough time is to listen to what they have to share and avoid providing solutions or being judgmental. It helps a lot to have regular check-ins with them and understand that grief can look different from person to person.
This poor woman still tried to be sensitive to her mom and mother-in-law’s feelings despite going through so much. That’s why commenters reminded her it was time to turn off her phone and look after herself. Hopefully, she listened to the advice and took the time to grieve without listening to anyone else’s criticisms.
Do you think the OP was right not to attend the funeral? How do you feel about her mom and mother-in-law’s behavior?
People stood up for the poster and told her that she should not care about anyone’s mean comments
