With the 2024 London mayoral election looming, Count Binface is back on the scene, plotting a comeback. “I love the earth capital with all my central fluid pumping organ. The temptation to run again is very very strong,” he told us. “A rematch with Lozza Fox would be quite fun. There’s lots of reasons for me to do it.”
The mayoralty isn’t the only thing Binface has his eye on: “There is also the prospect of a general election. So does old Binface concentrate on the House of Commons or go for City Hall? Or do something nobody has ever thought of? The double!” Binface previously ran against Boris Johnson in 2019.
“Would that make the British public go doolally? The idea of an intergalactic space warrior becoming an independent backbench MP and Mayor of London. I’m just putting it out there. It’s never been done before.”
When asked about his political plans, the Count replied: “I have spent my time since the last general election putting my money where my lid is and coming up with the most comprehensive fully costed suite of policies you could imagine.”
One of those policies, to counter what he calls Starmer’s “wishy-washy missions”, is to attach a plank onto the house of commons terrace and anyone who breaks the ministerial code should be forced to walk it.
“I think it should be shown on all terrestrial TV channels live so that everyone can enjoy them going into the drink. That’s what I call a live stream,” he joked. Binface’s ambition does not stop there.
“I’ve got a lot of places I could go an conquer. There’s a presidential election in the United States or maybe the next EU commission president. Ursula von der leyen got to have tea with the king. Why not Binface? Old Mr Zelensky was the novelty candidate and look at him – the greatest hero in Western democracy. It can be done.”
Will he be recycling previous pledges?
