A common pitfall of dating and life in general is the ever-present question of who pays for what. From social responsibility to gender norms to differences in income, every person has their own formula at play.
Recently, TikTok user thewaterboy shared a video of a first date where the woman was quite unhappy that he insisted on splitting the bill. The situation sparked a discussion among commenters, who shared their thoughts and how they would have acted in a similar situation. We reached out to thewaterboy via Instagram DM and will update the article when he gets back to us.
To understand the dynamics at play, let's delve into the history of dating norms. In the late 19th century, during the Industrial Revolution, working-class men and women found themselves living in close proximity in towns and cities, with both genders contributing to the workforce. However, women were often paid considerably less than men, leaving them with limited disposable income.
During courtship in those times, it was expected that the man would 'treat' his date by paying for their activities, such as event tickets or other forms of entertainment. Women, who often had to send money back to their families, had little left for leisure activities, including what we consider as a date today.
In the past, the notion of dating differed from the concept of courtship. Public events weren't the norm for dates, but rather couples would meet at each other's homes or at the court of a ruler. However, this approach was not applicable to the majority of the population.
Fast forward to the 21st century, where times have changed significantly. Although a wage gap still exists, it is not uncommon for women to go out with men who earn less than them. Yet, some social expectations remain unchanged. Many commenters noted that if you ask someone out, you should also cover the expenses. This perspective aligns with the position of the unhappy woman in the TikTok video.
It's worth noting that the woman continued to bring up the bill issue even after it had seemingly been settled. This suggests that she felt strongly about her beliefs and was willing to sacrifice the enjoyment of the rest of her night to argue her case. While it can be argued that she shouldn't have to pay since he asked her out, it raises the question of why she felt entitled to order appetizers.
Some commenters defended thewaterboy, pointing out that it was only a first date. They questioned why the woman felt entitled to a free meal with sides simply for showing up. If she expected to be paid for during a date, that's her prerogative. However, prolonging the argument afterwards seems petty, unless she genuinely expected him to reimburse her. In a way, this experience serves as a prime example of why first dates exist – to gauge compatibility and understand expectations.
Ultimately, without a clear resolution, this scenario highlights the importance of communication in dating. It didn't have to turn into a negative experience, but because both parties had differing expectations regarding the bill, everything spiraled downward. Dating etiquette has evolved, and there is no longer a single standard for who pays. Therefore, it's crucial to be open and establish clear communication to avoid misunderstandings.
Navigating the complexities of dating can be challenging, but by understanding each other's perspectives and addressing expectations upfront, both individuals can ensure a more enjoyable and harmonious experience.
