Only one thing was clear at the end of this uneasy fever dream of a 0-0 draw in Cologne. The best piece of news to emerge from England’s progress through Group C is that England’s progress through Group C is now finally over. Happiness is defined in some schools of thought as the relief from pain. In which case the world is at least a sightly happier place today.
Following England through these three games in Germany has been a gruelling experience, even as gruelling England tournament experiences go, the football equivalent of being very slowly and methodically beaten to death with a bin bag full of meat.
The players have looked quietly horrified much of the time. Watching on in Cologne, Gelsenkirchen and Frankfurt the thought has occurred: imagine if football actually is coming home, and this is what football really is? How could you keep it away, prevent it from gaining access? Draw the curtains. Hide behind the sofa. No thank you. We already have a yawning chasm of angst.
There is good news. England topped Group C on the back of the point gained here. They have let only one goal in. Just one stack of plastic cups was thrown at Gareth Southgate as he walked around the ground applauding the fans.
What can they take from this? How can Southgate regear this team before a possible meeting with the Netherlands, which will require them to actually play some football? Most importantly, there is the need to find a midfielder, any midfielder, to fill the gap at the heart of this team. Where are we with that?
Here England staged something new: the tragedy of Conor Gallagher. Cologne had been close and clammy all day, the kind of day that always seems to be grabbing you by the arm and saying we’re not done yet, there is heat still to endure.
England’s supporters filled three-quarters of this wonderful old Echt German stadium. The trees are lovely, the art deco colonnades striking, the meadow in front a beautiful soft thing. In the centre of this England absolutely stank the place out for the opening 45 minutes.
And once again it all came from midfield, or rather the vacant space where one should be.
This is not Gallagher’s fault. He is a good player and a very nice chap. But he just wasn’t the man for this England team.
The problem Southgate had identified was a lack of pressing. So he brought in a player who is very good at pressing. But is that how it works? Is it not more to do with shape and starting positions, with keeping the ball?
The problem England have had is a lack of fluency, brains, calm. Gallagher is energy. Gallagher plays at all times like he’s being chased by a swarm of hornets. He plays as though every minute of every game is extra time and he’s 2-1 down. But is this the way to find your rhythm? It felt even before kick-off like trying to fistfight your way out of a maths exam.
And so it came to pass, as Gallagher produced one of the most edgy, weird, fretful performances you’re likely to see at this level. It took him 10 minutes 48 seconds to touch the ball. Here is a list of things he did before he touched the ball. He fouled someone. He fell over. He stood in a strange non‑position. By the end of his 45 minutes he had one clearance, two fouls, 13 passes, all of them short and basically just a nervous tic, shuttling the ball away.
Gallagher is a muscular runner. But he is basically someone football happens to. His worst moment came just before half-time as Keiran Trippier crossed with his right foot, Gallagher made a good run and the ball just seemed to pass through his head in front of goal.
A fit Harry Kane might have got there behind him. Kane has looked quietly confused in Germany, determined to carry on, but essentially lost, a man walking quite near an athletic event. Here he looked as if he was playing underwater, while also heroically drowning. It is rare to see any elite professional athlete seem so exhausted.
Again, none of this is Gallagher’s fault. England and midfielders: this has been a non-love story. English football just doesn’t make them. There is no template for an English midfielder. You think of some box‑to-box dynamo, shoulder popped out, leg hanging off, diving headers bulleted, last-ditch tackles made. But this isn’t really a thing now. Midfield is about taking care of the ball. Gallagher just kept giving it away. But he hasn’t grown up being told to keep it.
The fact he is what England have is proof that this is not really a golden generation, or not a balanced one anyway. Adam Wharton could be very good. Nobody really knows just yet. The fact he’s one of the main alternatives is the point.
This is in no way to excuse Southgate, whose job it is to fix this. England had 17 games between Qatar and these Euros. Why don’t they have a midfield? Why has the attempt to find one become a kind of desperate speed dating exercise? Why did he give up on Kobbie Mainoo, then ask him to fix it here with half the game gone?
England were immediately better with Mainoo on at half-time, a midfielder who actually looks as if he enjoys playing football. Suddenly the ball was round. Football looked OK again, like a fun team sport not some kind of extended social humiliation.
Mainoo did the stuff you expect, and did it neatly. It’s never too late to fix things. But it is also always just a little later than you think; and this England team are approaching a kind of jumping off point.
