The ceremony closes: As Le Bon belts out the final chorus of Ordinary World, the sky over Alexander Stadium explodes in colour as thousdands of fireworks are set off. It’s quite the spectacular way in which to sign off on what has been a heartfelt love letter to Birmingham, whose Commonwealth Games begin in earnest tomorrow morning.
It's time for Duran Duran!!!
Barely looking barely a day older than the smouldering sex-symbol whose image used to be Blu Tacked to my older sister’s bedroom wall in the mid-eighties, Simon Le Bonis is a vision in a salmon pink blazer, black T-shirt and silver strides as he, John Taylor, Nick Rhodes and The Other One launch into a medley of their greatest hits, accompanied by the City of Brimingham Symphony Orchestra.
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Over to you, Prince Charles: Dame Louise opens the baton to remove a message from the Queen which is read by her first born son, who proceeds to declare the Games open. Cue: pyrotechnics as, clutching their shards, the central characters of this ceremony retreat to their wedding cake shaped house at one end of the stadium. So long, Stella and the Dreamers ... it’s been emotional. And quite weird and a little sinister. Welcome to Birmingham!
The Queen’s Baton relay concludes: Diving’s Tom Daley, hockey’s Alex Danson, table-tennis’s Kim Daybell, boxing’s Galal Yafai, gymnast Max Whitlock, and track and field’s Denise Lewis do the honours before handing the baton over to Dame Louise Martin.
Daley is accompanied by a group of LBGT+ flag-bearers, Whitlock has to earn his corn, despite not competing this year – he takes the baton up the back of the stand before climbing an impromptu human staircase to hand the baton to Lewis on the upper tier.
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The flag is raised to much fanfare: At which point Dame Louise Martin, the Commonwealth Games Federation President, thanks the city of Birmingham for hosting the games and welcomes all comers. “I am thrilled to see this stadium full of supporters and teams from right across the Commonwealth,” she says.
We’re not done yet. The ceremonial flag of the Commonwealth Games federation is carried into the stadium by assorted former athletes and will need hoisting ahead of some speechifying from various dignitaries and a set from Duran Duran.
England’s sizeable contingent whip them in: Wearing red blazers, white T-shirts and cream troos, Team England’s athletes are led out, with diving’s Jack Laugher and weightlifting’s Emily Campbell waving the flag.
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Wales march out: Fresh from his third place finish on the Tour de France, Cav’s former team-mate Geraint Thomas is carrying the flag for Wales alongside squash player Tesni Evans.
Lenny Henry introduces the European representatives: Accompanied by the swimmer Laura Kinley, Mark Cavendish is one of two flag-bearers for the Isle of Man. Winning a second Commonwealth Games medal is unlikely to make up for his disappointment at not getting picked to have a crack at beating Eddie Merckx’s Tour de France stage record in the past few weeks, but he seems genuinely chuffed to be in Birmingham.
Moment of the ceremony from Joe Lycett pic.twitter.com/eKvzMFerzS
— Suzy Swaysland (@suzysways) July 28, 2022
Noreen Khan: The BBC Asian Network presenter and Brummie lass introduces the athletes representing Caribbean nations. There’s no near-the-knuckle Lycett-style insubordination from her.
Joe Lycett takes the microphone: Wearing a tremendously garish tracksuit that looks like something Dame Edna Everage might wear to a spin class, the comedian introduces the Asian contingent.
“I’m going to do something now that the British government doesn’t always do and welcome some foreigners,” he tells the cheering crowd. Needless to say, the BBC commentary team studiously ignore this genuine LOL moment.
This opening ceremony seems designed to give young children nightmares and you have to respect that
— Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) July 28, 2022
Duran Duran: Ladies of a certain age will be delighted to learn that the 80s heartthrobs are due to close tonight’s ceremony with four hits from their back catalogue.
“The Birmingham 2022 Commonwealth Games is a momentous event for the great city of Birmingham,” said lead singer Simon Le Bon. “And we in Duran Duran are honoured to be a part of it in our home town.”
His bandmate Roger Taylor is similarly enthused. “It is so good to be participating in the Opening Ceremony of the Commonwealth Games this year, performing for the first time with the City of Birmingham Symphony Orchestra,” he said.
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The parade goes on: Introduced by Birmingham comedian Shazia Mirza, whose valiant attempts at gags fall predictably flat in the face of a booming background soundtrack, the various African nations make their way out on to the arena.
Tony Iommi klaxon. #CommonwealthGames Though oddly not playing War Pigs, pic.twitter.com/jXmCop4Xyr
— John Brewin (@JohnBrewin_) July 28, 2022
The athletes’ parade begins: First out of the traps are Australia, who have come mob-handed with 433 athletes. They’re followed by the representatives of the Cook Islands.
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Our volunteer marshalls take to the arena: Dressed like so many Tommy Shelbys, an army of volunteers take their positions around our massive bull ahead of the athletes’ parade. But first, a word from Lenny Henry. “That was some ceremony,” he says. “Or else I had the wrong kind of mushrooms on my toast this morning.” Preach, Lenny.
The bull is riled up again! Birmingham’s journey towards multiculturalism is highlighted through the medium of – yep, you’ve guessed it – dance and we learn how the city has overcome moments of misunderstanding and tension as it has moved towards mutual tolerance.
“We witness the initial energy, joy and confidence of different cultural groups encountering each other as groups and dancers and musicians celebrate their own tribes.
“However, it’s not long before tensions arise. None listen to each other or learn. There is only growing competition, to silence challenge. The Bull roars in agony, collapses and bleeds. Stella and The Dreamers use their Shards to call for a moment of reflection; all are stilled and humbled.
“They recognise that this is Birmingham’s time for transformation – the chance for a fresh start. They can see that this Birmingham is a place for everyone, for all of us. Together they heal the hurt as the Bull’s armour is lifted away and he is revealed as a symbol of light and love.”
While I only have to copy and paste quite a lot of this stuff, spare a thought for the BBC commentary dream team of Andrew Cotter and Hazel Irvine who have to say it out loud. Without laughing. On live television.
Enter the bull! “Female chain-makers of the Industrial Revolution were underpaid and overworked,” we’re told. “Not only were they responsible for making some of the chains used in the slave trade, but they too were enslaved by their dire circumstances. That was until they took back control by participating in the 1910 minimum wage strike.
“As a frenetic beat pounds to remind us of the relentless, heartless drive of industry, 50 female chain-makers drag a giant, massively impressive heavily armoured bull into the bullring. Scarred by past hurt and enraged by the city’s inability to learn from its mistakes, the bull breaks away and escapes. This causes pandemonium and, in an act of emancipation, the women break their own chains.
“When Stella and the Dreamers encounter The Bull, they choose not to run. They offer compassion and understanding. Stella chooses to embrace this traumatised and scarred creature, starting a friendship between the two. In Stella’s single action, we can see that we are all worthy of love, whoever we are and whatever our circumstances may be.
“Now freed from the bonds that held them captive, the women and the bull can leave the shackles of the past behind and acknowledge each other in a gesture of mutual compassion and respect.”
No, really.
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Key event
Birmingham: Carnival of Firsts: Known as the City of a Thousand Trades and the Workshop of the World during 18th and 19th centuries, Birmingham was at the centre of the Industrial Revolution, with heavy industries dominating the Black Country landscape.
“The original Bullring Market was established in the 12th century and was used for bull-baiting, as well as the sale of goods. The Bullring remains a popular meeting place, most notably for its 6.5-tonne bronze bull by British sculptor Laurence Broderick.
“Experience the Bullring for yourself as our fabulous MC Ginny Lemon guides you around this mesmerising landmark. Featuring a performance by The Destroyers, you can see local characters as they set up stall, including the Miskin King, the Andy Carrier lady, Little Jimmy Win and Holy Joe.”
A procession of giant carnival floats enter, each giving you the chance to learn about a Birmingham first – objects born in the city, but now used all around the world.
Tony Iommi in the house! The Black Sabbath legend plays a guitar solo as dancers from the Birmingham Royal Ballet and other dancers strut their stuff, homage is paid to the many Irish workers who converged on Birmingham to help build the city’s canals. There follows a rendition of Hear My Voice, with dancers from Critical Mass, a 300-strong dance collective from across the West Midlands, bust some moves. Soweto Kinch, Indigo Marshall and Gambimi also participate.
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Malala Yousafzai speaks: The Pakistani activist for female education and the 2014 Nobel Peace Prize laureate, who moved to Birmingham to recover after being shot in the head by the Taliban, welcomes all present to her adopted home.
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From the official literature: “Radical Victorian preacher George Dawson wanted to create a new and better kind of Birmingham,” it declares. “He believed in universal access to education and culture, and that Birmingham should be home to the greatest collection of Shakespearean works in the world.
“This led to the creation of the first Shakespeare Memorial Room in 1864 to celebrate the 300th anniversary of Shakespeare’s birth. The Shakespeare collection was housed in Birmingham’s first free public library, in what is now known as Chamberlain Square.
“However, in 1879, the building was destroyed in a fire, together with most of its collection. Today, there is only one publicly owned Shakespeare First Folio and it sits in the new Library of Birmingham – now the largest public library in the UK.
“Stella and The Dreamers are welcomed to Birmingham, and so begins their journey of discovery into the city’s past and present. We see fresh talent such as parkour artists and stunt cyclists, followed by giant puppets who represent famous literary figures, musicians and scientists in history.
“Our adopted Brummie, Charlie Chaplin, is full of mischief and plays plenty of tricks throughout their journey. Suddenly, he accidentally sets the library on fire. Stella and The Dreamers rush to contain and ultimately extinguish the flames using their shards.”
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Oh no! One of the Charlie Chaplins has accidentally torched a replica of Birmingham’s first free public library, which famously housed a massive Shakespeare collection. Not to worry! Stella and her chums are on hand to douse the flames with their shards.
To be clear, your reporter has not been taking hallucinogenic drugs - I am simply reporting on the typically bonkers opening ceremony of a major Games.
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Back to Stella and her Dreamers: Emerging from their houses with pastel suitcases in tow, our heroine and her chums jump into assorted jeeps and motor off around the arena to meet various local and adopted luminaries: a giant puppet Edward Elgar and no end of Charlie Chaplins among others.
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National anthem: Mezzo-soprano and Birmingham Conservatoire graduate Samantha Oxborough gives a rousing rendition of God Save The Queen accompanied by the City of Birmingham Symphony Orchestra and a choir of 700 people from 15 different choirs across the West Midlands. Cue: a fly-by from the Red Arrows.
What’s this? Representing each of the 72 competing nations and territories, a similar number of houses from around the globe materialise above the stadium in special effects form. Following a montage honouring Her Majesty the queen’s long association with the Commmonwealth Games, there’s a nod to Birmingham’s car-manufacturing industry as dozens of automobiles of different stripes and shade motor into the arena. The last of them, a natty soft-top convertivle, is driven by Prince Charles, with his wife Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall riding shotgun.
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The ceremony is under way ...
The narrative of tonight’s Opening Ceremony will explore the rich and diverse history, culture and identity of Birmingham and the West Midlands, it says here.
“In our two-and-a-half hour Opening Ceremony, we’ll hear and see the story of Stella and The Dreamers, a group of young athletes from around the Commonwealth who explore Birmingham’s history and represent a better, brighter future for us all,” reads the official literature.
“Stella meets some of the city’s pioneers, discovers its quirky characters from times gone by, and witnesses the city’s struggles and successes.
“Through this experience, Stella learns she too can overcome her own fears of the new, the unknown and the unexpected. Let’s not forget our guardians of history, the Bards of Birmingham, including Samuel Johnson and Edward Elgar, who we see introduce Stella and The Dreamers to the city’s past and present.”
Tom Daley: Olympic diving champion Tom Daley will be involved in tonight’s ceremony, where he is expected to make a stand for LGBT+ rights in the Commonwealth.
Homosexuality remains illegal in more than half of the 54 countries competing at these Games.
Your competing countries and territories ...
Deep breath: Anguilla, Antigua and Barbuda, Australia, Bahamas, Bangladesh, Barbados, Belize, Bermuda, Botswana, British Virgin Islands, Brunei, Cameroon, Canada, Cayman Islands, Cook Islands, Cyprus, Dominica, England, Eswatini, Falkland Islands, Fiji, Ghana, Gibraltar, Grenada, Guernsey, Guyana, India, Isle of Man, Jamaica, Jersey, Kenya, Kiribati, Lesotho, Malawi, Malaysia, Maldives, Malta, Mauritius, Montserrat, Mozambique, Namibia, Nauru, New Zealand, Nigeria, Niue, Norfolk Island, Northern Ireland, Pakistan, Papua New Guinea, Rwanda, Saint Helena, Saint Kitts and Nevis, Saint Lucia, Saint Vincent and the Grenadines, Samoa, Scotland, Seychelles, Sierra Leone, Singapore, Solomon Islands, South Africa, Sri Lanka, Tanzania, The Gambia, Tonga, Trinidad and Tobago, Turks and Caicos Islands, Tuvalu, Uganda, Vanuatu, Wales, Zambia.
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Games opener will be on par with London 2012
The opening ceremony for the Commonwealth Games in Birmingham “has a broadcast ambition that has never been conceived before” and will be comparable with the London 2012 Olympics ceremony, according to the show’s artistic director. The Guardian’s Midlands correspondent Jessica Murray reports.
The time has come...
— BBC Sport (@BBCSport) July 28, 2022
Who's ready for the 2022 Commonwealth Games!? 💪#BBCCWG pic.twitter.com/SBkwdkepVQ
8pm (BST): Tonight’s opening ceremony is due to kick off in a little under 30 minutes and if the official guide, from which this report will be quoting liberally and shamelessly, is anything to go by, it should be a belter.
The BBC have Clare Balding in the hotseat to chair proceedings and local treasures Lenny Henry, Denise Lewis and Ellie Simmonds have been joining her in bigging up a locale in which they all seem immensely proud.
Tonight’s venue: First opened in 1976, Alexander Stadium became the home of UK Athletics in 2011 following a refurbishment which saw the creation of the 5,000-seater East Stand on the back straight.
Since holding its first Diamond League Meeting that year, the stadium went on to stage the British Grand Prix up until its closure for redevelopment in 2019. With the new West Stand in place, the stadium will be able to hold 18,000 spectators in its permanent configuration, while additional temporary stands will allow 30,000 people to watch the athletics, para athletics and opening and closing ceremonies during the Games.
Post-Games, as well as continuing to stage major athletics events, the stadium will become a focal point for leisure and community activity within the regenerated Perry Barr district of Birmingham, which is receiving a £700million investment.
It's my kind of town!!!
The late Telly Savalas looks at Birmingham, albeit back in 1981 and possibly from the sanctuary of a soundproofed booth somewhere in Los Angeles ...
Commonwealth Games “far from irrelevant”: The organisers of the Games have defended its relevance on the eve of the competition, arguing that it continues to thrive. Tumaini Carayol reports ...
Reasons to be cheerful ...
England’s second city has a dodgy reputation that it doesn’t deserve. As the Commonwealth Games come to town, we round up the best it has to offer. Words: Jon Bounds.
While tonight is a largely celebratory affair ...
... it should not be forgotten there are many who believe the Comonwealth Games are a legacy of British exploitation and expansionism.
“What initially stood as an event for Britain and its colonies is now a helpful tool for Britain to divert attention from its ills of the past, presenting itself as a more compassionate nation compared with other former imperial powers, the country that dismantled its empire to become friends with former subjects,” writes Tumaini Carayol. Read on ...
Let the Games begin ...
Over the next 12 days, approximately 6,500 athletes from 72 different countries and territories ranging in size from Australia to the teeny-tiny south Pacific island of Niue will contest the XXII Commonwealth Games in Birmingham, keeping up the tradition of a sporting jamboree that began in 1930 and was known at the time as the British Empire Games.
Over 1.2m tickets have been sold for these Games, which will be staged in 15 different venues across the West Midlands (with the track cycling taking place at London’s Lee Valley velodrome), but before the first lawn bowls are rolled in anger tomorrow morning, we can look forward to tonight’s opening ceremony.
Masterminded by local lad and artistic director Iqbal Khan, and taking place at the Alexander Stadium, which has undergone a £72m refurb in the build-up to these games, tonight’s opening ceremony promises to be a “spectacular show which will share the innovative and surprising history of Birmingham, the West Midlands and its communities” with millions tuning in from around the world.
That’s all well and good but to be honest, this reporter of a certain age was sold when he heard Birmingham rock legend, Black Sabbath founder and guitarist Tony Iommi is involved.
