Hair and makeup: Juliana Sergot using Nars & Kiehl's Photograph: Alex Lake/The Observer
Mum was really into getting me and my brothers to try different foods. Which is why I resent any depictions of working-class people just eating Turkey Twizzlers because my mum used to bake us focaccia and stuff. She worked in Tesco on the checkout but she’d have Greek food nights for us. We were always the children with weird packed lunches.
I’ve never had a bread that I didn’t like. I even went to get hypnotised out of eating bread. [Fellow comedian] Lou Sanders went to the same woman to get hypnotised out of eating sweets. Then I was at Lou’s house for dinner and I couldn’t eat because I’d had a load of toast beforehand. And Lou was eating sweets as the starter. We were both like: “I don’t think the hypnotist has worked … ” So yeah, that’s one of the stupidest things I’ve ever spent money on.
Being on the Off Menu podcast was good for getting a lot of food sent to you. But then I went to my first Comedy Awards do and my dress burst open because I’d been eating all the free food.
I’m autistic and I always used to be like: “Oh, I’m lucky I don’t have the thing a lot of autistic people have where they just want to eat beige foods.” But what I noticed is, when I get burnt out, the desire to eat lots of different flavours goes away. I just want to eat the plainest foods possible and I revert to toast and sweets. It’s terrible, but it’s a good way of alerting you to the fact you’re getting burnt out.
I was a vegetarian as a child, stopped and then I was veggie again at uni. But I had this really horrible boyfriend, who was a really smug vegetarian and every time he cheated on me I’d eat a bacon sandwich. So that stopped me from being veggie for years. I went back to being veggie when I moved to London, but, when I wrote my book [Strong Female Character], I started eating meat again. I think it was to do with the memories coming up of that horrible boyfriend.
I hate roasts. I hate everything around the culture of having a roast. And I hate how excited people are about having a roast. And when people get excited about Nando’s, I think: “Arrgh, a bit tragic.” A lot of people in the UK want their food to taste of as little as possible.
Last year, I decided I was going to start a coffee roastery in my shed – no other comedian is selling coffee on their website. The thing that motivated me was my local coffee shop was like: “You can’t start a roastery.” And I was like: “Watch me.” But then my partner put paid to that idea.
I’d never watched Bake Off before being on it. Then, when I finished filming, I watched it and it dawned on me: “I approached this the wrong way.” I went in as if I was in an actual competition, rather than one where you’re supposed to be really silly. What really wrecked my head was that I was so starstruck by Mel B, because she was my favourite Spice Girl as a child. The excitement over meeting her clashed with my extreme competitiveness. She kept coming over and asking how to make buttercream and I wanted to help her, but also wanted her to get away from my island. It was such a strange feeling.
My favourite things
Food
Malatang. It’s a Sichuan pepper-flavoured hot pot, but much tastier.
Drink
The happiest part of my day is drinking coffee.
Place to eat
Bocca Di Lupo in Soho, because the menu changes a lot and the staff are so nice. Loads of comedians go there now: I went for my anniversary dinner and Rosie Jones and her parents were sat behind me and I thought: “This is the end of romance.”
Dish to make
I liked making cardamom buns, but that memory has been tainted by Paul Hollywood. He was like: “Oh, they’re not equal size and shape.” Then I looked at my buns and I saw them with fresh perspective and they just looked shit and pathetic.
Fern Brady is on tour across the UK with her latest show, I Gave You Milk to Drink, from 20 Aug-20 Nov.
