Stephen Colbert
Stephen Colbert returned from a week of a holiday to news of a new UK prime minister: Rishi Sunak, the former finance minister, who on Tuesday became Britain’s first prime minister of south Asian descent, its first Hindu prime minister and the nation’s first leader of color. “Which means Britons will be able to run their entire power grid off the turbines connected to Queen Victoria spinning in her grave,” the Late Show host joked.
Sunak took over from Liz Truss, who resigned on Thursday after just 45 days in office, the shortest tenure in British history. “That’s not a term in office. That’s a juice cleanse,” Colbert joked.
He then pivoted to domestic politics, namely the contentious Senate race between Democrat Raphael Warnock and former football star and “steroids Erkel” Herschel Walker in Georgia. Among numerous scandals, Walker has lied about his work with law enforcement and flashed an honorary sheriff badge during a debate.
“OK, but that doesn’t make you a real cop!” Colbert mocked. “That’s why flight attendants don’t ever say, ‘attention, passengers, we have a medical emergency in the cabin. Does anybody here have an honorary doctorate? Fine arts or better only.’”
Yet Walker has “grabbed that crazy ball and has run with it”, Colbert continued, as his campaign has ordered 1,000 imitation plastic law enforcement badges that say “I’m with Herschel” as a fundraising tool.
“A thousand toy badges? That’s perfect – there’s one for each of his secret children,” Colbert quipped.
Trevor Noah
Meet Rishi Sunak, Britain's new PM who is only 42, meaning he'll probably serve well into his 42-and-a-halves pic.twitter.com/I7fP8Ohi0j
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) October 25, 2022
On the Daily Show, Trevor Noah looked into dissatisfaction with Sunak as prime minister – not because of Sunak’s policies or immense personal wealth, but his skin color. As one caller to a British radio show put it: “Could you imagine me becoming the prime minister of Pakistan? Or Saudi Arabia? No! These things matter … Eighty-five per cent of English people are, yes, white English people. And they want to see a prime minister who reflects them.”
“This guy has a good point – could you imagine if white English people wanted to rule countries where no one looked like them?” Noah deadpanned. “That would never happen! Can you imagine that world?
“It’s funny how racists always say, ‘oh, colonization was fine, it was just business,’” Noah laughed. “Until they feel like they’re being colonized. Then they’re like, ‘something needs to be done!’
“British racists are looking at this all wrong,” he added. “This could be a good thing for you people. After 400 years you’ll get to legitimately blame a brown person for your country’s problems. You’re living your dreams!”
Noah did feel a little bad for England’s racists – “they voted for Brexit specifically to keep Britain white, and that vote started a seven-year chain of dominoes that has now led directly to an Indian prime minister.”
Jimmy Kimmel
And in Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel relished the heckling delivered to “the most repulsive man in America”, the Texas senator Ted Cruz, when he attended an American League championship game between the Yankees and the Houston Astros (the Astros won and will now face the Phillies in the World Series).
“You know, you would think Ted Cruz would be unwelcome in a place like the Bronx, and if you did think that, you would be correct,” he said, pointing to videos of fans shouting numerous expletives at Cruz.
“So even though they lost the game, I think New York won the battle last night,” he noted.
Kimmel then returned to his favorite target, Donald Trump, who sat for more than 20 interviews with journalist Bob Woodward over the course of 2020. Woodward previewed some of the tapes that he plans to release, which included audio of Trump waxing poetic about the North Korean leader, Kim Jong-un.
“You meet somebody, and you have a good chemistry, and there is a lot of truth to it,” Trump said. “You meet a woman. In one second, you know whether or not it’s all going to happen. OK? We had very good chemistry together.”
“Wait a minute … did Donald Trump have sex with Kim Jong-un?” Kimmel wondered. “I didn’t even know they were dating! All that talk about launching missiles, it was right in front of us the whole time.”
