Christine McGuinness says she was 'pretending to be someone else' during her marriage to comedian and TV presenter Paddy. Her comments come after the couple split in July.
The model, who was diagnosed with autism last year, said she 'faked' being the perfect wife during her 11-year marriage to Top Gear star Paddy. She said she had been suppressing an element of her autism, otherwise known as 'masking', throughout her life.
In a rare interview, she said: "I’d become expert at playing a role to try to fit in. I was often alone and missed a lot of school before I left at 14.
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“My mum entered me for pageants to try to help with my confidence and I’d morph into a different character to copy what other girls were doing, ending up playing somebody who wasn’t me at all.
“I’d always wanted to be a wife so once I met Patrick, I fully went into ‘perfect wife’ mode. You know, ‘I’ll stay in, I’ll cook and clean and make sure I’m the best wife I can be’.
“I was always pretending to be something else rather than simply just me. That’s all part of masking.” The MirrorOnline reports Christine said she still “grieves” for her younger self and the life she had before she knew she had autism.
Christine, 34, says she and Paddy “still get on” and remain in the same house because their kids – who all have autism – rely on routine. But after previously thinking her kids might “never work, have a relationship or live independently”, she is now looking forward to seeing what they do later in life.
Of her present life with Paddy, she said: “I want the children to be able to see Mummy and Daddy getting along so we still have family days out and live in the same home. We’re kind of in and out with our own busy schedules but we get on.
“We have a bond for life with the children and I’ll always look on Patrick as family. We don’t want any dramatic changes overnight so it’s going to be a slow process moving forward. We don’t really know what the future holds. Our priority is for the children to remain comfortable and happy in a loving family.”
Christine said she was “doing OK” after the split and added that her children’s resilience had inspired her to get through the tough times. Speaking to Psychologies magazine, she said: “The way they deal with challenges at such a young age makes me think that, if they can get through it, surely as a grown woman, I can too.
“I feel so blessed. I do fully believe that I was meant to be their mum. And I believe that they were meant to be my children.”
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