Cheating Matt Hanock has recalled the "dread" he felt at his affair being publicly revealed - and how he broke the news to his devastated wife.
The West Suffolk MP's relationship with Gina Coladangelo, his old Oxford pal and former aide, was exposed when CCTV images emerged of the couple sharing a kiss in his offices, which breached his own social distancing guidelines.
Hancock, who has written a new book, described the moment when he told his wife about the affair as the "very worst conversation of my life".
The former Health Secretary, 44, who is now back in the UK having controversially taken part in ITV's I'm A Celebrity, says he felt "terrible black dread" at the prospect of his affair with Gina being revealed, and recalled the "devastating implications of our feelings for each other".
About his affair, the Tory MP wrote: "Accompanying the joy of falling in love – if you are supposed to be happily married – is the turmoil. You know, with terrible black dread, that sooner or later the relationship must be revealed and everything will come crashing down."
Hancock had the party whip suspended for signing up to the Jungle and, after leaving Australia having finished third, was greeted by girlfriend Gina.
He says that the pair "knew the devastating implications of our feelings for each other" - but they "were trying to work out the least painful way of being together".
After receiving the damning phone call from the Sun, Hancock says he "knew immediately" that he had to speak to his wife because the revelation had to come from him first.
"I also knew I had to tell the children – it was going to be incredibly painful, but I couldn't hide away from them for ever," he wrote in the Pandemic Diaries, serialised in the Mail on Sunday.
"They deserved to know, too. Having the Health Secretary for a husband or father during a global pandemic has been incredibly tough for the family, and I feel wretched."
Before heading to see his family, Hancock says he told then-PM Boris Johnson who was "thoughtful, considered and as supportive as he could be for everyone involved".
Elsewhere in the book, the MP complained that public anger over his rule-breaking affair had made "life miserable".
“As a consequence of our decision to live life, we have had a shockingly awful 18 months. It’s been absolutely horrific. I’ve had an absolute bucket of s*** poured over my head. The even bigger bucket of s*** has been poured over Gina’s," he wrote.
Hancock was forced to quit his Cabinet job after footage emerged of their snog in his Whitehall office.
He left his wife and children to set up home with Gina, also 44, on the night their affair became public last year.
Meanwhile, Hancock has not been invited into the 2022 I'm A Celebrity casts' WhatsApp group, former campmate Scarlette Douglas revealed.
Less than a week after the disgraced MP made it the final, the stars have created a chat to keep in touch and organise future meet-ups but Hancock is noticeably not invited.
A Place In The Sun star Scarlette, who was second to be evicted in the show, revealed Mike Tindall is group admin but decided to not add Hancock into the group as he "might be too busy".
Scarlette made the remarks while speaking at the UK premiere of Will Smith’s upcoming film Emancipation on Friday.
She said: "I’m not the admin of that WhatsApp group so if Mike (Tindall) wants to invite him he absolutely can, but it’s not me to put the invitation out so we’ll see what happens.
"He might be busy you never know, he’s doing a lot of stuff, he’s got a lot of press coming up so he might be too busy."
