Breaking up with a long-term partner is never easy. Especially after you find out that they cheated. And more so during the holidays – it’s usually a time to spend with your loved ones and your family. It’s even worse if you bought a special gift for that person. What do you do with it now?
This woman came up with a creative solution for how to use a Christmas gift that was originally for her cheating boyfriend. After a tumultuous breakup, the woman went on to share her heartache on the TrueOffMyChest subreddit. She recounted how she took the breakup as an opportunity to bond with her little brother.
It’s never easy to navigate your life post-breakup
This woman got an expensive gift for her now-ex but changed her plans after finding out he was cheating on her
The OP posted an update 6 days later
Spending time with family and friends is crucial after a breakup
Image credits: cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo)
Finding out your partner cheated can turn your whole world upside down. That’s why having a strong social support system is important if you want to get back on your feet. Tribeca Therapy writes that even if you want to hide after a breakup, that is the last thing you should do.
“A team of friends, family, and a therapist can provide essential support, protection, and understanding in helping to end a relationship powerfully,” writes one of their therapists Rachael Benjamin.
As evident from the OP’s update, spending time with your family can help you navigate through this difficult time. Perhaps the OP cried so much not only because of her little brother’s surprise gift and his words. Being in a safe space around the people who love and support you also makes it easier to express your pent-up emotions.
A support system is beneficial in other instances as well. If you’re in a toxic relationship, getting an outside perspective would be useful. “One aspect of breaking up that is particularly challenging is that the toxic behaviors in the partner or relationship that cause you to have to cut it off often happen in private,” Benjamin writes. “And when you’re in it, it can be hard to see out. However, it’s essential to not hide and pretend that all is well.”
Benjamin also describes a breakup as a grieving process. She suggests telling your family and friends, “This person hurt me. I’m not in a relationship with them anymore. Part of me still cares for them. I’m sad, angry, and can’t imagine that this relationship came to this, but it’s better than the hurtful, harmful partnership we had.”
Family members and friends then can be there for you while you cry, feel sad or just need a hug. Their input can be as simple as a glance, a nod, an eye-to-eye look or a hands-up emoji. The important thing is that they’re letting you know they’re there for you during this grieving process.
3 reasons people might cheat in a relationship, according to a therapist
Image credits: Ron Lach / pexels (not the actual photo)
In a previous article, therapist and TEDx Speaker Kelly Armatage told Bored Panda the possible causes of infidelity. First, it’s possible the person learned to think that cheating is okay growing up. “It’s unclear whether there’s a so-called cheating gene, but some research suggests having a parent who had an affair leaves you at a greater risk of cheating on your spouse too.”
“A small study published in an edition of the Journal of Family Issues, for example, found that people who had at least one parent cheat on the other were twice as likely to commit infidelity compared to people whose parents remained faithful throughout their marriage,” Armatage explained to us back then.
The second reason can be the individual’s low self-esteem. “This trait is a known risk factor for cheating and often for these people, cheating can be a coping mechanism and an attempted means to feel validated, desired, and needed,” Armatage said.
The third reason might be that the partner feels sexually dissatisfied. “After being in a long-term relationship, it isn’t uncommon to feel your sexual desire for your partner fade. For some people, the same goes for emotional connection,” Kelly told Bored Panda a couple of months ago. “Unsurprisingly, dissatisfaction in the bedroom or a waning desire to be sexually intimate with your partner may be a risk factor for cheating.”
Armatage also told Bored Panda that the stereotypical opinion that “all men cheat” or that there’s a bigger chance that a man will cheat is only a “societal belief”. Yet it can impact one’s decision to cheat nevertheless. “It may influence men to possibly cheat more, due to these ‘societal programs,'”Armatage admits.
The OP also answered some questions in the comments
