James Nesbitt in moody, troubled detective role shocker! Oh no, hang on… this is exactly what he usually does.
In C4’s Suspect, Nesbitt – a man who is almost upstaged by his own eyebrows – plays “cop with a lot going on” Danny.
The crime thriller has a promising CV. It’s a remake of hit Danish noir series Forhøret, has a starry cast including Joely Richardson, Anne-Marie Duff and Richard E. Grant, and eight refreshingly easily-digestible 25-minute episodes.
But sadly, my excitement soon gave way to sheer boredom over what turned out to be cartoonish nonsense. Jeepers… at least Scooby-Doo had some banter.
Each formulaic episode is mostly a two-hander between Nesbitt and another actor, involving an intense argument, at least one attempted murder, followed by a heart-to-heart or an act of violence and The Next Clue.
It all begins when Danny visits pathologist Jackie (Richardson) for a routine report and discovers that the dead woman on her mortuary table is, in fact, his daughter Christina.
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Despite a report of suicide, Danny goes all Liam “I will look for you, I will find you” Neeson and is determined to track down Christina’s killer.
Danny is not quite the doting dad. He was estranged from Christina and has absolutely no idea about her life, which involves a wife, a gentlemen’s club, Baz’s Sauna and Gym and a hell of a lot of drugs.
By episode four, we meet master criminal Jaisal (Sacha Dhawan), who is eating burrata cheese like a maniac because that’s just the kind of crazy evil person he is.
He has CCTV, but will only hand it over in exchange for Danny sticking a plastic bag over someone’s head for intel. Danny then meets dodgy copper Ryan (Sam Heughan), who hilariously continues to lift weights while Danny interrogates him.
He needn’t have bothered – he’s in a coma by the end of the episode.
All the while, Danny sees ghostly apparitions of Christina who gives unhelpful clues like, “It’s right there in front of you!”
Richard E. Grant turns up later as Christina’s posh, duplicitous mentor, then Anne-Marie Duff strides in as Christina’s mother for a showdown with ex Danny.
In the final moments, it’s predictably the folded-up crisp packet that gives pathologist Jackie away as the killer.
Are we really expected to believe that this is a woman who eats crisps?
Nonetheless, Danny gets his Columbo moment, telling her how she’d done it.
She smirks so he stabs her with her own kitchen knife. Fair enough.
“It’s not over,” whispers the apparition of Christina as Danny is hauled off in a police car. I really hope she’s wrong.
