Too often for a victim of family violence, their life ends up being defined by their last tragic moments.
Lija Matthews refuses to remember her best friend of seven years, Samantha Fraser, this way.
Sam was killed in her Phillip Island home on July 23, 2018.
Last month, her estranged husband, Adrian Basham was convicted of her murder.
"We met when our children started kinder together, and we just gravitated towards each other," Lija said.
'We just clicked'
Lija, a young mother herself and new to the island, was grateful for Sam's warmth.
But behind Sam's warm smile lay the heavy burden of what was happening at home.
"It wasn't until after a year of friendship that she did start to open up about her situation and all of the things that I had heard her say earlier on got put together in a big puzzle," Lija said.
Like too many victims of family violence, Sam carried the burden of her abuse alone.
"She felt the shame and the guilt. She was worried for her children and thought she should have gotten out earlier," Lija said.
At the time, the main domestic violence outreach support service was The Orange Door in Morwell, an hour-and-45-minute drive away.
"She's got three children to look after as well. You can't really juggle getting to Morwell and back in a day when you are juggling childcare, and kinder and a job and a life," Lija said
Sam eventually did seek help and began to tell her story, an experience both empowering and challenging.
"That was a really hard process for her. Going through family violence is traumatic and confusing and scary and hard. Where do you first look for help?" Lija said.
Despite the challenges, Sam was able to reach out to police and support services.
But her steps to recovery were never realised.
A community in mourning
Samantha's death shocked her family and loved ones, and according to Lija it galvanised the small community of Cowes to finally say "enough is enough".
The issue of family violence was now painfully obvious and the community demanded action.
Change for Sam was created as a committee of family violence service providers.
Lija took on the role of chairperson.
"We came together to make change. We knew that it was what Sam wanted and it was so desperately needed down here and everywhere really," she said.
A spotlight on darkness
Amid rising rates of family violence, the sector says the system is working because people are reporting incidents.
The latest data from the Crime Statistics Agency showed family violence incidents in Bass Coast are up 2.7 per cent from the previous year, with 920 recorded incidents in 2021 up from 896 in 2020.
It's an upward trend beyond the state average, despite an overall drop in general crime rates in the area.
Detective Senior Sergeant Rodney Finlay, who oversees the Family Violence Unit in Morwell covering the South Gippsland, Latrobe and Bass Coast regions, says the higher figures demonstrate victims feel confident about reporting cases.
"We've all known as a society that it's existed for a long time," Senior Sergeant Finlay said.
"But I think the pro-reporting and the pro-support culture we've created as an entire sector is what is driving our figures."
"There's always more that can be done.
"We could always use more people, that's an absolute, but I also think that we're doing the absolute best with what we've got at the moment."
Kris Atkinson at Salvocare, whose family violence support program at Leongatha provides support and therapeutic responses to family violence victims in the area, agrees more people in the sector would be helpful.
"Numbers are high, but we are managing and we always have and we always will," she said.
"And between Outreach and The Orange Door service, there is good collaboration and work going on."
Funding push for more services
Four years after Sam was killed, the momentum behind the push for change is still strong.
The Orange Door now has an outreach service in Wonthaggi after sustained campaigning from Change for Sam.
Lija says the group is lobbying for a service in Cowes.
"It will happen," she said.
She wants to see services be more collaborative to improve access for victims.
"It's so easy for people in such a traumatic situation to just hide in a corner and hope it goes away," she said.
"But help is out there and that is one of our main drivers as well."
The group want to establish key practical measures such as an emergency safe house on the island, and a loan library to give victims mobile safety pendants which would immediately contact others at the press of a button.
But they are limited by resourcing.
"We need more funding, we need more grants to continue to be able to do our work," Lija said.
The state government said it was committed to lead reform to end gendered violence and had invested $3.7 billion since the Royal Commission into Family Violence.
A spokesperson said it would continue to expand The Orange Door Network across Victoria
A cultural change
Integral to the success of any program combating family violence is addressing the underlying beliefs of gender roles and gender equality.
Those working in the sector say change is happening, but there's more to be done.
"I would love to say yes, [it's changing]," Kris Atkinson said.
"There is lots of work going through schools with relationship work and understanding, but a lot comes from education through families as well.
"It's a great start, but it's still about gender equality."
Detective Senior Sergeant Finlay agrees.
"We can't police our way out of family violence. You couldn't give me enough police, we can't stand a policeman at every front door and nor would we want to," he said.
"But with all amount of energy that's being put into it, I don't know how we cannot succeed."
Light up the night
Earlier this month, key buildings and institutions across Victoria were lit up in purple to remember the victims of family violence.
Lija took a moment and lit a candle to remember her friend.
"We spoke to our children about what it was all about," she said.
"I think starting with children is a great start because then they learn that violence is not OK."
Lija thinks about Sam all the time.
"We know she's not here and that's something that we are going to have to deal with for the rest of our lives.
"But it also makes me aware that there are so many other people going through this and if we can change just one life, save one life, it's all going to be worth it."
