She has grown up on our screens and has always seemed a confident young woman. But underneath, Maisie Smith was suffering from crippling self doubt.
The EastEnders star was self-conscious about whether she could cut it in the industry.
“Growing up in the limelight, it does put certain pressures on you,” she says. “In everything I do I’m quite conscious of myself in many ways, I think.
“Even for my job, for acting, singing, dancing, I’ve always questioned if I’ve got what it takes. I think it is a bit of imposter syndrome.”
So taking part in Celebrity SAS: Who Dares Wins was a challenge. “When I do a show like this, that was my first thought, am I good enough? Can I do this?” she says.
But after spending weeks being put through her paces by a team of former special forces soldiers on Channel 4 ’s gruelling reality show, she has had something of an epiphany about herself, and what she’s truly capable of.
“It changed my outlook about myself,” she says. “It was honestly the best thing I’ve ever done. It got that demon off my shoulder. I went in there with everything I had and I came out feeling like I could literally conquer the world.”
The actress and Strictly star was just seven when she landed her role in the BBC soap playing Tiffany, the mouthy daughter of Bianca Jackson.
So far this series fans have watched as the pint-sized 21-year-old has been gassed, forced to fight reality star Ferne McCann in a brutal boxing match, jumped from a helicopter into the sea off the coast of Jordan, as well as suffered daily beastings at the hands of the show’s tough-talking instructors.
At just over five feet tall, she’s the smallest star to take on the course this year and has found that comes with its problems.
“Oh 100% I’m underestimated because I’m young and small,” she admits. “I think people have certain mindsets of young women in particular. I wanted to show I can go toe to toe with the guys.
“I don’t think you’d ever expect me to actually be the kind of person that would put myself out of my comfort zone and test limits that I didn’t even know I could.
“It felt empowering to prove them wrong.”
While many famous faces have not been able to cut it on the course since the celebrity spin-off launched in 2019, Maisie has tackled every challenge so far with courage.
And she says she quite liked being screamed at by the show’s directing staff – Rudy Reyes, Jason Fox, Billy Billingham and Remi Adeleke. “I quite liked their aggressive approach,” she says with a smile.
“It was different. Do you know what I mean? You never experience that aggression in normal life.
“It’s that sort of fiery energy that made you never want to stop because you didn’t want to give up for yourself, you didn’t want to let them down.
“They said all the words under the sun, but it was all out of motivation. They don’t want you to give up. They want you to push to the bitter end.”
But she admits: “I did find them quite intimidating. I feel like there were certain moments where if I’m out of my comfort zone or if I didn’t do well in a task, they were quite easy at making you feel belittled.
“I felt like I was a little kid at school again getting told off. I’m not an argumentative person. So, when they were shouting at me for completely messing everything up or just doing something really stupid, it was like, ‘Oh, God.’ But they’re not doing it to make you feel like c**p, they want you to succeed.
“It’s tough love, I guess.”
It certainly worked for the actress. Maisie believes the SAS experience has had a profound impact on her. Since filming the show last year she’s gone from strength to strength, not only making the shock decision to quit EastEnders to pursue new opportunities, but finding love on the Strictly nationwide tour when she fell for The Wanted singer Max George.
“How’s it changed me?” she wonders. “I definitely go into things with a much clearer, positive mindset.
“I don’t doubt myself as much because I look back and see how much I’ve proved to myself, and what I can do. I feel like I say yes now to a lot more than I would have before. When I did the Strictly tour, it was opening night and we were going on stage, I felt sick through nerves, but in my head I was like, ‘Maisie, right, everything you’ve done, you can do this.’
“It makes me feel tougher. Even if it’s nothing to do with SAS, that’s always in my head. If I can survive on that show, I can survive anywhere.”
Maisie is tight-lipped about how far she goes on the show, but admits adjusting to civilian life after days in the desert was tough.
She adds: “For quite a while I’d wake up in a panic. Little noises would make me jump as I’d think, ‘Oh God. What does that mean? All right. Run a mile, where’s my bag?’
“It was quite a while until I was back into relax mode but I wouldn’t change a second, it changed my life.”
*Celebrity SAS: Who Dares Wins, Channel 4, Sundays at 9pm.
