The women’s team at Golf Monthly often find themselves as a solo female in a fourball at an industry event. We are a rare guest within a group of golfers who sometimes have no idea how to behave. Let’s remember that through circumstances many men have never played golf with a woman,
The round often begins and ends with loads of assumptions and hiccups, which are usually unintended, but many have an air of casual sexism. We arm ourselves with a sense of humour and the courage to pull them up on inappropriate comments or actions in the hope they will think twice when next paired up with a ‘girl’.
On arrival at the golf club, this can be immediately awkward when men discover that one of us is in the fourball - a face filter is something some golfers don’t possess! Often they are petrified about the minefield of what to say and what not to say, and also the stigma attached to the female golfer. She’s slow, she won’t know the rules, she won’t be any good. However, I can safely say that after a few years of playing golf with male colleagues, they enjoy both the company and the golf.
There’s the assumption that you use women’s clubs, or that the pink bag is yours. Perhaps you need help getting the bag out of the car and placing it on the trolley. Wait, no trolley? “You can’t possibly carry all the way round, let me get us a buggy.” Agreed, this is very gentlemanly.
Another assumption is that you’ll be playing from the forward tees. A starter on the Nicklaus course at St Mellion once asked me to pick up my ball and head to the ladies’ tee. I proceeded to say, “No,I’m ok thanks, I’m happy off the yellows.” I always see moments like this as a chance to really prove a point, so I stood up and hit the shot of my life down the middle. He quickly retreated into the starter’s hut.
Whoever you are playing golf with, throwaway comments are commonplace, but comments like, “You absolute girl” or “Oh dear, does your boyfriend play?” aimed at either themselves or other male members of your group do become a tad tiresome. We’ve all played golf with men that insult themselves with references to being feminine because they hit the ball short of the hole, or didn’t hit their drive very far. The comment, “That was a bit girly” is uttered before they’ve decelerated on a chip shot.
I played a round recently with a lovely man who I deem a pal. We all teed off from the same tee on the first hole and I hit my drive past all the men in the group. He said, “Please can I ask you not to do that again, it’s damaging my masculinity.” I then made sure I told him that I had a sore back and that the drive had flown at least 20 yards short of where it would usually land. Denting male pride is a big issue, regardless of how well you socialise with some playing partners.
Lack of toilets does limit the ability function on the course if the urge to pee strikes. The ease for guys nipping behind a bush or tree without giving it a second thought is enviable. I’ve played golf with men that continue our conversation, and trust me, they haven’t gone far off the back of the tee before they are audibly doing their business. I wonder what the reaction would be if I decided I could wait no longer.
Some men change nothing about their behaviour when playing golf with women, not stopping to think that comments and actions may offend. The old-fashioned punishment of men having to drop their trousers because their ball hasn’t reached the ladies tee is still alive and kicking. Firstly, they’re not ladies’ tees, they’re forward tees and secondly, what the hell! One of our female team members happened to be looking up at a golf club reflector mirror, only to be told, “You know that’s not to be used for putting your makeup on.”
This ability to ignore the presence of a female playing partner is more common than you think. We’ve played golf with men who walk well ahead of us, focused on where they’ve hit their ball, and we’ve regularly had to ask them to stand to the side. On the tee, they’re wandering off, as they’ve forgotten we need to tee off.
On a separate note off the golf course, when working in pro shops, it wouldn’t matter what I said on the phone, “Good morning, professional shop, Katie speaking.” A male caller would still say, “Is this the pro shop? Can I speak with a professional?” The assumption that I can’t possibly be the pro because I’m a woman, or even begin to know what the caller needs regarding golf.
Being referred to as “the woman professional” as though I’m in a separate category to the male pros, is a regular occurrence. Often I’m more qualified by a long stretch than my male counterparts yet I’m still overlooked on opinion and input to some areas of a club.
All that said, playing golf with a group of men is absolutely brilliant, and I’d recommend any woman to do this more. Men are extremely encouraging and always have so much fun. But don’t be scared to pull them up on any comments that might just not be ok!
