Sometimes we can have the best intentions but things still don’t go our way. Reddit user AccordingLine9649 recently experienced this harsh truth firsthand.
After one of his sisters eloped with her partner, he sent them a $100 gift card in what he believed to be a nice gesture to celebrate their big day.
But instead of receiving a thank you, the man received complaints about it being cheaper than what the woman had expected.
So he turned to the subreddit ‘Am I the [Jerk]?‘ hoping for some advice.
This man wanted to congratulate his sister on eloping with her partner
Image credits: Jeremy Wong / pexels (not the actual photo)
But she didn’t appreciate his gesture at all
Image credits: Mikael Kristenson / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: freestocks.org / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: AccordingLine9649
There are no hard rules on what to get as an elopement gift, but it does depend on a few factors
Since elopement is conducted in a sudden and secretive fashion, gift aren’t always expected. However, according to Diane Gottsman, who is a well-respected leader in etiquette training, and founder of the Protocol School of Texas, a company specializing in adult corporate and social etiquette training, there are a few factors to consider when deciding whether to get something for the occasion, such as if they’ve previously given you a gift for your wedding.
But “if you are close to the couple, the answer is yes,” Gottsman told Bored Panda.
It doesn’t have to be grand — you can buy everything from a pretty picture frame to a restaurant gift card — but, “the amount you spend depends on your budget, and the relationship you share with the couple.”
Showing someone you care is always a nice gesture and there are few better ways to convey your love and excitement for the newlyweds than putting some thought into it.
There are a lot of choices, and it sounds like the author of the post did pick a relevant one. However, was it enough?
“Because someone eloped, or had a small wedding doesn’t mean you shouldn’t gift them if your inclination is to celebrate their new relationship,” Gottsman reiterated. “You also shouldn’t feel obligated if you don’t want to give something to someone who didn’t invite you to the wedding.”
We can’t know for sure what caused such a reaction from his sister, but sibling rivalry could be one of the possible reasons. Megan Gilligan, PhD, an Iowa State University associate professor of human development and family studies, has seen it across the board. “We’ve found it when folks are in their 50s and 60s, and even after parental death,” she says.
It’s human nature to compare ourselves to whoever is around, and nobody is closer than a brother or sister. “They’re one of the first people that we compare ourselves to,” Gilligan adds.
Even beyond middle age, siblings still remember the way they felt as kids, which affects their relationships with each other and their psychological well-being.
If that’s the case here as well, there might not be a simple solution to the conflict. “These are decades of patterns of behavior,” Gilligan says. “It’s not just going to come back together, even during major life events. If someone really wants to repair a sibling relationship, it’s something that they have to be really intentional and thoughtful about.”
Hopefully, these three will find a way to stick together.
As his story went viral, the man provided more context in the comments
Some people said he did nothing wrong
But some thought he could’ve been more generous
