Some of you will probably remember that old golfing ditty, Straight Down the Middle, by Bing Crosby.
As for this correspondent? Well, I can often be heard humming another of Bing’s recordings, I’m an Old Cowhand, as I thrash and gouge my way through a round of inept, agricultural toil.
Crosby, of course, was an avid golfer of tireless enthusiasm. Apparently, he held memberships at 75 different clubs. One place he could not get into, though, was the Los Angeles Country Club, the host venue of this week’s 123rd US Open.
Despite owning a house near the 14th, Crosby was not welcome due to his ties with the entertainment industry. The Hollywood blacklist was all-encompassing. When Victor Mature was informed that actors need not apply, he pleaded: “I’m no actor, and I’ve got 27 pictures that prove it.”
This is a place of eye-watering exclusivity that guards its privacy with a miser’s care. Maintaining a low-profile while being plonked in the middle of Beverly Hills is no mean feat, mind you.
Singing superstar Lionel Richie, for instance, lives in a vast pile near the fourth hole. It would have been nice if he appeared on his balcony as the first group approached this morning and cheerily warbled, “Hello, is it the tee you’re looking for?” Unfortunately, auld Lionel is doing a gig over here in Blighty at Blenheim Palace.
One man who certainly will not be in is Hugh Hefner. He passed away six years ago but what was once his infamous Playboy Mansion still stands and backs on to the 13th.
The groans, moans, shrieks and squeals that would emanate from one of Hefner’s polyamorous parties back in the day were probably nothing compared to the howls and yelps that greeted the sleazy union of the PGA Tour, DP World Tour and the Saudi Public Investment Fund recently.
All golfing eyes will be on this outrageously expensive patch of golfing real estate this week as the US Open returns to La La Land for the first time since it was staged at nearby Riviera way back in 1948.
Golf’s bombshell merger remains the talk of the steamie. Well, for those who want to talk about it. Rory McIlroy, left completely scunnered by the whole wearisome saga over these last few months, pulled out of his pre-championship media conference the other day.
Meanwhile, the PGA Tour’s embattled commissioner, Jay Monahan, has been laid low by a “medical situation” as the upheaval at the top end of the men’s game continues to leave all and sundry in a desperate fankle.
Just about the only person not getting themselves worked up into a frenzy is Brooks Koepka. In fact, the 33-year-old, fresh from his PGA Championship triumph last month, is revelling in the tumult while others look tortured by it.
“I enjoy the chaos,” said the Floridian, who was one of the most high-profile defectors to the breakaway LIV series before the surprising armistice was called. “The more chaotic things get, the easier it gets for me. Everything starts to slow down and I am able to focus on whatever I need to focus on while everybody else is dealing with distractions.”
Koepka tends to get dialled into Majors as effortlessly as someone nonchalantly birling the tuning knob of a digital radio to find their preferred station.
The US Open is a showpiece occasion he holds dear. Koepka made his Major debut in this championship in 2012 while he notched his first top-five in a Major at the US Open two years later. And, of course, his Major breakthrough came at this event in 2017 before he retained the title a year later and added two PGA Championships to his haul in 2018 and 2019 during a purple patch of tremendous plunder.
Victory No.5 in golf’s grand slam events arrived at Oak Hill last month and underlined Koepka’s billing as the major player of his generation. He is not one to rest on the laurels.
“Double digits, that’s what I’m trying to get to,” Koepka said as he reiterated his golfing desires. “I don’t think it’s out of the question for me. I’m only 33, so I’ve definitely got time.”
As others continue to reel from last week’s events, Koepka remains on an even keel. “Just golf, man,” he said with a shrug.
In the shadow of Hollywood, Brooks appears primed for another blockbuster. It’s now lights, camera, US Open action…
