Brits are being urged to befriend someone who is lonely this winter as research shows almost four million Britons are classed as chronically lonely – up from 2.6 million in 2020. The Campaign to End Loneliness and the Office of National Statistics found that the number rose significantly during the pandemic lockdown, while the cost-of-living crisis is forcing people to stay at home to save cash.
Robin Hewings, of the Campaign to End Loneliness, told the Mirror: “Covid had a seismic impact on feelings of loneliness and that hasn’t gone. The cost-of-living crisis will make it harder to reconnect with friends and family as money worries make people less likely to go out.”
Charities are calling on people to sign up to local befriending schemes and visit those in need of company for a cuppa and a chat. Mr Hewings added: “Now, more than ever, befriending can be a low-cost lifeline.”
Childline and Silver Line founder Dame Esther Rantzen said loneliness is “everybody’s responsibility” as she urged people to volunteer. She said: “We all have the capacity to relieve people’s loneliness. And I think having nearly four million people who feel so lonely is a reflection of how needed volunteers are.”
Neston Angels, Blind Veterans UK, Time to Talk Befriending and Widows Empowerment Trust are all members of Befriending Networks. The organisation offers guidance and training to more than 370 projects supporting more than 65,000 people across the UK.
Its chief executive Sarah Van Putten said: “Befriending can and does make a real difference to those receiving support, and is also good for the volunteer befriender too.”
Among those who have benefitted from the scheme are four people as described below:
Joanna & Lucia
The pandemic was hard for Joanna Collins, 57, who suffers from depression and mobility issues. Even when the Covid restrictions lifted she continued to do her shopping online and rarely saw her three grown-up children.
Before Lucia Cruz started visiting her earlier this year, Joanna had not left her home in 10 months. But she was put in touch with psychology student Lucia, 21, after contacting bereavement charity the Widows Empowerment Trust.
Lucia signed up to be a befriender in March after seeing how lonely her own grandmother became after she was widowed in 2019. Though Joanna is not a widow, she was “very lonely” – and she and Lucia hit it off straight away.
The student visits Joanna’s flat in Clayton, Greater Manchester, once a week to take her out shopping then joins her for tea. Joanna, who worked in banking before her health issues forced her to quit, said: “Without Lucia, I would be more lonely, sitting sedentary on the sofa. She’s a bubbly person… easy to get on with. Sometimes we do crystal art together at home, and she’s going to help me put up my Christmas tree.”
Lucia, from Rusholme, said: “For a lot of people my age, it is hard to relate to someone who is all alone. This goes beyond volunteering. This helps with empathy and stepping into people’s shoes. I love learning about Joanna’s Caribbean background, her heritage and stories from the past.”
Lucia, who has visited several lonely people during her eight-month stint as a befriender, says some people are so desperate a bit of company that they even speak to the radio or television. She said: “I encourage clients to do free activities like Widows Empowerment Trust workshops that offer crocheting or karaoke.”
The two Tonys
Tony Lazzam and Tony Nash clicked when they first spoke on the phone during the pandemic – and now joke that they’re “the two Tonys”. Retired cabbie Mr Lazzam, 73, moved to Portslade, East Sussex, a few years ago and signed up as a volunteer befriender after receiving a pamphlet from Time to Talk Befriending.
In early 2021, the charity paired him with Mr Nash, 88, a former miner and great-grandfather who lives alone in nearby Hove. The country was still in lockdown and Mr Nash had been in and out of hospital with sepsis and other infections during 2020. With his family living elsewhere and his mobility limited, had been feeling isolated. Initially the Tonys chatted over the phone about football, cricket and boxing then, once restrictions were lifted, Mr Lazzam began visiting his new friend in person.
Mr Nash, 88, whose wife Pauline died six years ago, said: “One particular day I felt very low. I felt very depressed and anxious. “Tony phoned me and said, ‘You all right?’ I said ‘So-so’… I didn’t tell him I felt low, but he came round and we spent an hour-and-a-half just chatting, and it was such a lift for me.
“Tony’s got loads of jokes and really bucked me up. If he hadn’t come round, I would have felt low all day. I have carers come in every day… them and Tony I look forward to. Otherwise every day would feel the same.”
Grandfather-of-three Mr Lazzam added: “We share the same interests. Sometimes we sit down to play cards but get carried away chatting and don’t get around to playing. He can’t get out but he’s very sharp and funny and has a million stories. He’s a talker, like me.”
Currently, Time to Talk Befriending has matched more than 535 lonely older people with volunteers. Emily Kenward, founder of the charity, said: “Since the pandemic, referrals to our service have increased but volunteer applications can’t keep up. We are always looking for more people to join our community.”
Mr Lazzam urged other people to volunteer their time. He said: “Befriending is good for your mental health. If you like people and you like to talk, you’ll benefit greatly from it.”
Lorna & Chrissie
A blind veteran says she has been given a new lease of life with the support of befriender Chrissie Parker. Lorna Thomas – a former Army switchboard operator and decoder – lost her sight after being diagnosed with macular degeneration in 2019.
The 90-year-old said: “I felt helpless… I’d always been so active and independent. I left home at 15 and had been responsible for myself ever since but suddenly, I found I was unable to get around and could no longer be involved in the activities I enjoyed such as dressmaking, knitting and being part of the operatic society.”
Lorna, who lives near Caldicot, Monmouthshire, told how there is only one taxi in the area and she often missed appointments and could not socialise. She said: “I sat inside for two years during the pandemic and lost my confidence to get out and about. I felt my life was coming to an end.”
Desperate for help, she contacted Blind Veterans UK earlier this year, who put her in touch with volunteer Chrissie. She served in the Royal Navy for more than two decades and lives in nearby Newport.
Chrissie, 55, said: “Being a veteran myself means there is a natural camaraderie between myself and Lorna. We hit it off straight away and have so much in common. I even discovered that I served alongside Lorna’s niece. Supporting Lorna is incredibly rewarding.”
Lorna eagerly anticipates her visits from Chrissie, who takes her to appointments, to shops and out for meals. “She is a little goldmine to me,” Lorna said. “It’s like we’ve always known each other. Nothing is too much trouble. I really don’t know what I would do without her.”
Alan & Mel
She may be half his age, but Melanie Gelling and Alan Smith have formed a close bond, thanks to their shared love of board games. Before he met Mel, 46, earlier this year, Alan would rarely leave his small flat in Neston, Cheshire, where he lives by himself.
His daughter – who can’t visit much due to her own health issues – suggested the 92-year-old reach out to local charity Neston Angels in June. Alan, a grandfather of one, says it has made the world of difference to his life.
Retired architect Alan, who has early-stage dementia, said: “My wife died six years ago and apart from going out for the newspaper, I was all alone. Things have gone from being not very good to being absolutely marvellous.
“Mel is such a nice lady – she’s very friendly. We sometimes go out for lunch, play cards or we talk. Next month we’re going Christmas shopping. I didn’t have any reason to go out before.”
Neston Angels aims to recruit 10 more volunteers to cope with demand this winter. Civil servant Mel offered her services to the charity in April after suffering depression and anxiety – and the mum of two says Alan has also improved her own mental health.
The pensioner has also inspired her to travel more after telling her all about the time he spent in Australia, New Zealand and America. Mel said: “I’ve got so much out of it and Alan has, too. I would consider Alan my friend – and friends are priceless.
“So many elderly people spent months being so lonely during the pandemic. Now they have come out the other side of that, they’re being isolated again, staying in by themselves to save money. This can be a lifeline.”
You can sign up to the scheme by clicking here.
For stories from where you live, visit InYourArea.
Find recommendations for eating out, attractions and events near you here on our sister website 2Chill
Find recommendations for dog owners and more doggy stories on our sister site Teamdogs
