Big breaking news last Saturday as Simon Cowell revealed his favourite song of all time is Never Enough.
Aw, don't you just love it when the title of someone’s favourite song mirrors their attitude to Botox?
I’m not saying Cowell used Britain's Got Talent 's Covid -enforced hiatus to get some work done, but it certainly looked like he’d had a booster jab or two during the pandemic.
Unfortunately, his face was the only thing that had changed.
Elsewhere it was very much (funny) business as usual.
Ant and Dec were still acting like the nation is BGT-crazy. (Comparatively modest ratings suggest not).
The producers were shamelessly copying from other shows – Michael McIntyre should sue over that blatant Unexpected Star rip-off.
Cowell was yelling: "Well, we weren't expecting that," like someone who isn't oberfuhrer of the whole flipping enterprise.
The "impromptu" Gogglebox -style audience reactions were making me want to nuke my TV.
David Walliams was back doing his borderline offensive "my Simon" routine.
And Amanda Holden was still vowing to wear her most revealing outfits yet, despite Alesha Dixon providing regular visual evidence of the futility of Holden even bothering to try to pull focus.
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Oh, and Golden Buzzers were being dished out like confetti to acts that clearly didn't need nor deserve them. Speaking of which, last weekend saw the moment BGT finally went too far in the "treating viewers like absolute morons" stakes.
I refer to Cowell seriously expecting anyone to believe that he didn't know that the mystery American lady on stage preparing to sing his favourite song was Loren Allred, who actually recorded the hit for the actual movie from whence it came – The Greatest Showman.
Everyone knows BGT is the most contrived show on TV, but when a seasoned US pro with Hollywood connections like Allred is taking a Golden Buzzer from refreshingly entertaining British kids like Scooter Boys, then enough should be enough.
Otherwise, Simon, BGT will never be remembered as the greatest show, man. It'll be forever known as the greatest con, man.
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