Weddings are meant to be fun occasions, but sometimes, the pressure to go above and beyond and make the bride and groom happy can really feel too much. One woman complained that she was attending a very close family member's wedding as a bridesmaid, but things were getting a bit too much for her.
She took to Reddit to explain that she'd already spent over a thousand pounds on the wedding because it was at a destination abroad, and had been asked to get her hair and make-up done by a specific woman which would cost over £200. The woman was asking whether she would be in the wrong to not buy a present because of the amount of money she'd already spent.
She wrote: "I'll keep it short. I'm a bridesmaid in a very close family member's wedding. It's also a destination wedding on Christmas break. Between the bridal shower gift, the dress, the flights, hotel, and Uber, I'm up to £1,500 spent so far.
"She is requiring us to get our hair and makeup done by her lady, and that's another £250. She said as a bridesmaid gift, she'll give us £50 towards the hair and makeup. WIBTA [Would I be the a******] if I didn't give her a gift since I already spent so much money already?
"Other family members are gifting between £100 and £300, and it was suggested that I pay (by my parents) on the higher side since we're all so close.
"Additional information: The wedding was originally planned a few weeks after this date, but she changed it so everyone could get off from work. This jacked the price up. She was also originally paying for an Airbnb for the bridal party, but wanted to save money on that and put it towards the wedding.
"Transportation was also originally included. First, she changed the date, so we all agreed to the higher price on flights and booked it since it was our only expense.
"After the flights were booked (like a month after) she told us she couldn't pay for the Airbnb. Because of the time of year, hotel prices were crazy and we all booked whatever the cheapest option was. It was significantly higher.
"None of us thought we would be paying so much money when we agreed to be in the wedding party and the original information was presented to us."
People were quick to tell the woman that she wasn't being unreasonable by not wanting to pay more as a gift - pointing out it was enough for her to simply be there, given the cost.
One wrote: "You've already paid out a huge amount of money. I know some people will disagree but events like this are vanity projects and somehow it's your responsibility to pay to be an extra in someone else's show."
Another agreed, commenting: "Pay what you can afford. If you can't then don't. If she gets upset then that's on her. Destination weddings are a nightmare."
Others made suggestions about sweet presents she could give, rather than simply sending money.
Someone else wrote: "You've already contributed a lot towards her 'special day' and complied with all the things she has requested (to put it politely).
"I wouldn't tell anyone or say anything. Etiquette allows you up to three months after the wedding to send a present, and it doesn't have to be cash or something on their registry. I'd suggest getting a photo with her on the wedding day framed with a note about how much you'll treasure the memory."
One Redditor said it was enough that she was attending, writing: "Given how she’s changed her mind on several items that jacked up the costs for the bridal party, along with her miserly bridesmaid gift, all in the pursuit of her ‘perfect day’….she’s lucky that you guys are even attending.
"Your presence as a bridesmaid is your gift to her."
Do you think the bridesmaid is being unreasonable? Let us know in the comments.
