A breach of trust is one of the quickest ways to damage a friendship. It can happen through betrayal, dishonesty, or, in this story‘s case, losing something you borrowed.
A woman lent her expensive hairstyler to a friend who claims to have accidentally lost it. The latter refused to pay for it and instead wanted to replace it with an older, cheaper version.
The author, who describes herself as a “bit of a people-pleaser,” is left confused about how to handle the situation. Scroll down for the entire text.
Losing something you borrowed from a friend can break trust and damage the relationship
A woman lost her friend’s expensive hairstyle and refuses to pay for it
The author refused a cheaper replacement but feels awful for her friend despite getting shortchanged
She now asks the internet whether she was being unreasonable for wanting a replacement
Lending something valuable to a friend will likely ruin the relationship
Whether it involves money or an expensive hairstyler, lending something valuable to a friend often leads to undesirable outcomes. A 2019 survey from Bankrate found that 46 percent of people who loaned close kin money had a negative outcome.
Thirty-seven percent of respondents reported losing the money they lent, while 21 percent claimed their relationship with the borrower was never the same again.
Loaning valuables also puts the lender in a difficult position, especially when asking for them back. It is an awkward situation overall, which is likely why the author finds it difficult to deal with the problem involving her friend.
Experts like Bankrate industry analyst Ted Rossman avoid lending cash and co-signing for a financial product because of the risks involved and mental stress.
“Proceed with great caution on this,” Rossman told CNBC. “Don’t lend money, don’t co-sign unless you’re prepared to lose that.”
While the author and her friend may still mend their relationship, it may take a while to reconcile completely.
Consistency and patience are key to regaining trust in a friendship
While it may be an uphill climb, regaining a friend’s trust isn’t impossible. However, there must be consistency in one’s actions, along with a show of patience. As author and TEDx Coach Michelle Tillis Lederman, CSP, SSC, pointed out, trust is quickly broken but slowly restored.
“If you are inconsistent, your actions may deepen the lack of trust rather than rebuild it,” Lederman wrote in an article for LinkedIn.
Along with consistency and patience, proactiveness in taking further steps to fix things is also essential. Lederman discourages asking what you can do to make it up to the person you offended, as this puts the onus on them to find a resolution.
Instead, ask them what else they would like to see you do.
“Having their input will keep them invested in the resolution, which is what you want,” she wrote.
Unfortunately for the author, her friend seems unwilling to take responsibility for her actions. The unreasonable replacement offer adds further insult to injury. She may need to rethink their friendship as such incidents may only happen again.
Most readers sided with the author, calling out the friend’s “unreasonable” behavior
