A bride-to-be has been left in a tough situation with her own mother over guests and money.
It's no secret that weddings are expensive. While it is an exciting time for two people to declare their love, the debates of guests, venue and food can quickly come flooding in. And then there's the parents.
The bride explained on a popular online forum that her parents have 'kindly' offered to help pay for her wedding but she now realises the offer comes with 'strings attached'.
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The bride and groom have said they want to keep their wedding small and modest with only close friends and family, however her mum now wants to invite her friends, and their partners - stretching the costs out further and moving away from the intimate ceremony they had planned.
Taking to Mumsnet to seek advice, she was met with many people telling her to pay for the wedding herself, with some going a step further to call her mum a 'bully' and thought she was being 'unreasonable'.
She explained: "My fiancé and I are planning on getting married in a small venue with 50 guests at an absolute maximum. With our immediate families and then grandparents, aunts and uncles, as well as my fiancé’s best man, and two bridesmaids for me, this comes to 47 which we were happy with.
"My parents have very kindly offered to help us to pay for the wedding. My mum is now saying that she wants to invite her friends to our wedding. We aren’t having a separate day/night do with extra guests arriving later etc, our only friends who are coming are in our bridal party because we wanted to keep it small and intimate.
"When I said this to my mum, she said I was being ungrateful and said I should remember that she is helping to pay for it.
"My fiancé and I aren’t even inviting all the friends we would have invited in an ideal world because we want to keep numbers and costs down, and we had also wanted to keep it intimate. I’ve tried to explain this to my mum and she keeps bringing up the money.
She added that her mother kept referring back to the payment: "I’ve tried to explain this to my mum and she keeps bringing up the money. She wants to invite her three best friends and their partners, as well as at least four other friends and their husbands too.
"This would take us over the 50 guest list limit and the only way we’d be able to accommodate it is if my fiancé and I cut down our list of family or don’t have anyone in our bridal party!
"I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to upset my mum and she is helping us financially but I can’t help thinking she has had her wedding, my fiancé and I don’t want to invite loads of people who aren’t our own close friends.
"I don’t know how to approach this with my mum without her getting defensive, angry or upset with us. Does anyone have any tips or had a similar experience?"
Over 200 people flooded to the comments, slamming her mother for offering to pay but with 'strings attached'. A number of fellow Mumsnet users were quick to tell the bride to give her the money back.
One said: "She's being completely unreasonable. I'd offer her her money back."
"I'd give her the money back too," a second echoed.
A third added: "She either butts out (you’d probably have to give her the money back) or she pays for the next package up (100 guests?) to accommodate all the people she wants to invite."
Another suggested how the bride could handle the situation: "Tell her that you're grateful, but you didn't realise when you accepted her offer that it came with strings attached and you'd rather pay for your own wedding than have a wedding you're not going to enjoy."
"I wouldn't describe your parents offering to contribute as "kindly offered". It's not a kind offer if your mother is demanding guests are added to the list when you are not even inviting your own other friends to the wedding.
"Her constantly reminding you of her paying is not kind either - she's trying to bully you into doing it. Decline her offer and invite who you want," a fifth piped up.
Another interjected: "The trouble with this generation of parents is that their weddings were controlled by their parents.
"They only had family and parents' friends and were expecting to have full control of their kid's weddings. So now they feel hard done by not having their wedding and not controlling yours. Not that this excuses her behaviour."
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