Every relationship has its own boundaries and norms. So it can be hard to immediately understand if there is something problematic going on outside of what we might consider directly, “abuse.” That being said, making your partner, particularly one with a heart condition, feel mortal danger is pretty clearly a major issue.
A woman asked the internet for advice after her competitive boyfriend “tried to prove a point” by holding her underwater. We reached out to the woman who shared the story via private message and will update the article when she gets back to us.
Pranks and contests in a relationship can be ok if both parties are into it
But one woman was worried after her boyfriend held her underwater as a “competition”
Image credits: Tim Mossholder/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Luisbaneres/Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Darya Sannikova/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ThrowRaa01923
The feeling of drowning can be deeply traumatizing
It goes without saying that even the sensation of drawing is enough to induce panic and stress. This is exactly how the infamous waterboarding method works, as it tricks the brain into thinking you are drowning. This is, for most people, a deeply traumatic experience. Allen Keller, the director of the Bellevue Hospital/New York University Program for Survivors of Torture has stated that waterboarding victims were “traumatized years later.”
Drowning is a common cause of death and something that terrifies people just as an idea. After all, it’s the third most common unintentional method of dying worldwide. The feeling of drowning is even worse, as your brain starts to think it’s about to die as you begin to lose oxygen. Most people panic when they are drowning, which makes rescue attempts difficult at times.
Just the fact that the boyfriend’s actions draws comparisons to actual torture methods should be enough of an indication that he didn’t just overstep a line, he took a running jump. Even worse, he thought it was funny and then had the gall to complain about the marks on his arm. At the same time, he also lies about apologizing.
Acting this way towards a partner is basically abuse
Even if he only held her underwater for a second, seeing himself as the victim and then lying about the aftermath is enough to consider a breakup. It does look like this is “normal” behavior for him, as the woman feels like she needs a second opinion. Even though it was not done “in anger” like most “conventional” physical abuse, subjecting your partner to a mock drowning is disturbing behavior. It’s the sort of thing that most folks would run away from immediately.
A common “accomplice” of abuse is isolation. The victim doesn’t have a support system or allies to turn to. Indeed, this also means they don’t have someone to tell them just how disturbing their partner’s behavior is. The woman states that she can’t go to her family over this issue, as, sadly, they would focus on her relationship and not the matter at hand. Ultimately, she needs to realize that he won’t stop this sort of behavior since he clearly enjoys it.
This man is a danger and she needs to leave him
Many of the comments (which can be found below) tell her to leave this man immediately. Even in the best case scenario, he is still a hazard to her health. After all, if we somehow believe that he truly wasn’t acting in malice, he is still willing to make a person with a heart condition believe they are dying. This is a direct risk to her mental and physical health.
Unfortunately, the more realistic possibility is that he is cruel and enjoys controlling someone. This can (and arguably has) manifested itself as control over their physical body. He has a pathologic need to “prove” he is superior, which could come from his own upbringing. Many abusers were themselves abused in the past. This doesn’t justify his actions, but simply reinforced the idea that he is not acting in good faith.
Regardless, when your partner is traumatized by your actions, you have clearly messed up. Particularly when she told him quite clearly that it was a problem for her. Instead, he gaslights and plays it off. In short, he will probably do something similar again, ignore her protests and then try to play the victim because she, perhaps literally, fought tooth and nail to protect herself.
Commenters did their best to warn the woman about her boyfriend
