Away to the right at the Kensington Oval – just beyond the swish electronic scoreboard – is the beach. Part with $100 and it is possible to spend the day there, eating and drinking as much as you like, lounging in the pool and observing the beach volleyball. And, if really bored, the Test match provides a gentle diversion for all but the purist revelling in the technical splendour of Ramnaresh Sarwan.
But the beach is not just for revellers; it has to be maintained. Yesterday there was a large pile of sand just behind the scoreboard and for most of the morning it was the duty of one sweat-stained labourer to transport that sand a distance of 50 yards to a spot underneath some recently planted palm trees. The wheels of his wheelbarrow sunk ever deeper into the sand as our man plodded back and forth with his load. His was a thankless task. But was it any more frustrating or futile than that confronted by Ryan Sidebottom or Stuart Broad 90 yards away?
There comes a moment in any mammoth innings when the contest between bat and ball and the outcome of the match becomes of secondary importance. Rather it is a case of bowlers retaining some professional pride and maintaining their standards long after any realistic expectation of a wicket has vanished. As for the batting side, the focus of attention drifts relentlessly to the record books. Regrettably we reached that point after an hour's play yesterday morning.
It is tough to keep going in the field in such circumstances. For the bowlers, the workhorses of the game, there can be an escape in black humour. As the third new ball is removed from its wrapper there will be the inevitable observation: "I thought we would be on to the colours by now."
On-field wagers can help, though no doubt the ICC is debating some way of issuing a directive to prevent them. It can be the role of the mid-off to lay the bets with the bowler. Odds on a maiden? With Sarwan at the crease England's bowlers needed better than even money.
The captain soon discovers that his colleagues have become mute. All the ideas that come flooding when the opposition is 50 for five dry up. Instead all he receives are raised eyebrows. When he seeks out a fresh bowler backs are mysteriously turned. It becomes unusually quiet out there. Yesterday the noble Sidebottom eventually tried a bit of sledging but at 607 for six even Dennis Lillee's tongue would have been impotent.
How to keep the fielding side alert? Warwickshire, when stuck in a wicketless phase of play under Dermot Reeve's captaincy, used to pass an imaginary football from fielder to fielder, presumably to raise a smile and keep them awake. But that was hardly appropriate under the eagle eyes of the cameras in a Test match.
Soon the captain becomes more of a foreman than a strategist. It is his job to ensure the punishment is handed out equably and that the part-timers bear some of the burden. Hence Paul Collingwood and Ravi Bopara were in tandem for much of the afternoon and there was some ugly off-spin from Kevin Pietersen and Owais Shah. The bowlers could hope only to keep their figures respectable and that the third new ball would do the trick.
The spinner often bears the brunt in these conditions. "This pitch is flat. Get the "step and fetch it bowlers on" was once an all too familiar refrain of one of England's greatest all-rounders, now resident in the Sky box. Here, Graeme Swann has bowled his quota of overs on what he described as "the best batting pitch I have ever played on" though Strauss showed him some sympathy yesterday.
It is emerging that Swann is far more effective bowling at left-handers in this series than at right-handers. Pat Pocock, one of the most fertile thinkers among finger spinners of his generation, is an admirer of Swann.
"We have seen how much success he has had when bowling round the wicket to left-handers when he pitches on the stumps and the ball holds up on the wicket," he says. However, Pocock is an exasperated admirer: "But why, oh why, does he give this chance away when bowling to right-handers?"
Pocock, his cricketing brain still buzzing, would like to see Swann delivering the ball from closer to the stumps and bowling straighter when confronted with right-handers. Meanwhile Swann would like to see the back of one particular right-hander, the little man from Wakenaam Island, Essequibo.
