Doctor Who viewers will be relieved to learn that after her ordeal on Christmas Day, Davina McCall has safely returned to her DNA-documentary beat. The makers of Long Lost Family now bring us Born from the Same Stranger, an unwieldy title for a sweet and sensitive four-part series that is about seeking, and sometimes finding, connections with blood relatives.
The first episode follows children who were conceived using donor sperm in the 1990s, when donors were promised complete anonymity. The law changed in 2005, so that those conceived by donor since then can access the donor’s details. However, for those conceived before that point, tracking down their biological parent – the term used to describe the donor is personal and varies according to preference – is a lot more difficult. We follow Liam and Sarah, who have very different stories, as they attempt to find their sperm donors, with the help of the internet and new technology.
Liam grew up in Jersey with his mum, Julie, who was single but always wanted children, and so conceived him and raised him alone. Julie did a few newspaper interviews about her experience as a single mum in the 90s, and there is a brilliant bit in which Liam looks over old press clippings at the kitchen table; headlines include “My darling sperm bank baby” and “I’ll never know my dad – Mum got him from a catalogue”. Liam sings the praises of his mum, who sounds fabulous, but he is frank, too, about the sense of curiosity he felt. He says that, as a child, he would write Father’s Day cards to an imaginary dad. Julie is supportive of the search but admits that she does worry about her son. There is a difference, she says, between looking for a biological father and looking for a dad.
Sarah, meanwhile, grew up in Singapore, another only child, but unlike Liam, she did not know that she was donor-conceived until her mother told her four years ago, after the death of her father. She, too, speaks of a low-key alienation and the sense of mystery that she feels. “I look in the mirror and I’m like, who am I looking at?” she says.
For Liam and Sarah, technology has changed everything. The proliferation of commercial DNA testing websites means that previously untraceable blood relatives may now be much easier to find, if not through their own profile on the site, then through the profiles of their parents or siblings. Before they send off their DNA, Liam and Sarah have access only to scraps of information about their donor: their height, eye and hair colour and hobbies. Both have strong reactions to these disembodied snippets. For Liam, it makes his donor into a real person, but for Sarah, it leaves her feeling: “It could be literally anyone.”
After they send off their DNA, however, they find much more than they had dared to hope. There is a device running through this hour, of text chat groups, which pop up on screen. Liam has one for the DNA matches he finds, while Sarah has the support of a group of people who have been through the same experience as her, and offer help, advice and sympathy. As a storytelling tool, I wasn’t sure if it would work, but it is surprisingly effective, not least because that is how most people communicate now. The speed at which half-siblings can be brought together is astonishing. As Liam puts it, it has been “a rollercoaster of a week”.
You can imagine another channel, or a streaming site, taking these stories and turning them into something much more exploitative and salacious, but Born from the Same Stranger is a very ITV-type documentary. Long Lost Family fans will know exactly what to expect, tone-wise. It is tactful, gentle, lovely and warm. The thorny subject of ethics comes up towards the end, mostly to acknowledge that, yes, this is an ethical minefield, and it can be very complicated, but also to explore the notion that this is not a simple or straightforward process for anyone. There are tough decisions that must be taken with so many complicated considerations in mind, and Liam and Sarah are courageous in being so open about how they are thinking it all through. This is not a case of fairytale endings but the programme allows for nuance and complexity, which is important and fair. Later in the series, we will meet sperm and egg donors who are looking for their recipients, which should offer yet another side to the story.
• Born from the Same Stranger aired on ITV1 and is available on ITVX
