Boris Johnson has mocked a fellow Tory who served as a minister in his Cabinet in a 1,200-word ramble about weight loss drugs and Julius Caesar.
In his first article in his new newspaper column - which is said to be part of a £1million contract - the ex-PM told a long-winded story about how a Cabinet member had "miraculous changed his appearance" when he lost weight.
He went on to say how he was suspicious the minister - who Mr Johnson chooses not to name - was going to have a stab at running for leader of the Conservative party.
It emerged earlier today the disgraced ex-PM has landed a new job as a columnist for the Daily Mail - just days after quitting as an MP over a damning Partygate report.
Since then the business appointments watchdog said he had committed a “clear breach” of the rules by only informing it of the job half an hour before the public announcement.
The ex-PM is understood to be raking in £1million over two years for his new role at the Daily Mail, as he cashes in on his disastrous time in No10.
In his first instalment, Mr Johnson goes on a bizarre rant about his colleague's change in appearance, adding when he realised the change was weight-related he was left thinking of Julius Ceasar.
"I got it! He had lost weight, stones and stones of belly and dewlap; and I immediately thought of Julius Caesar, and his preference for well-fed colleagues," the former Prime Minister writes.
"‘Let me have men about me that are fat,’ said the Roman dictator, shortly before his assassination. ‘Yond Cassius has a lean and hungry look.'"
Mr Johnson goes on: "If an otherwise healthy middle-aged man displays sudden weight loss, I reasoned, there are only two possible explanations. Either he has fallen hopelessly in love, or else he is about to mount a Tory leadership bid."
The ex-PM explains he found out the answer had in fact been a "wonder drug" that stops you wanting to eat.
After a lengthy explanation of the drug, hormones and a giant Mexican lizard's digestive systems , Mr Johnson writes that he decided to get the drug.
He said: "After 40 years of moral failure, 40 years of weakness in the face of temptation — of akrasia — I was going to acquire a new and invincible chemical willpower. I was going to become an ex-glutton, a person of moderation and grace and restraint, and like my Cabinet colleagues I was going to start to resemble a chiselled whippet.
"So for weeks I jabbed my stomach, and for weeks it worked. Effortlessly, I pushed aside the puddings and the second helpings. Wasn’t it amazing, I said to myself, how little food you really need."
But he says the drug - which is injected into the stomach, - started to make him feel ill.
The message of the ex-PM's article, which isn't made clear until near the end, is that he is in favour of using these drugs to help people lose weight as the "obesity crisis in this country is appalling".
In 2020 Mr Johnson knocked tackling obesity up the political agenda after he said he was "way overweight" when he got struck down with Covid.
The Daily Mail confirmed Mr Johnson will be its new columnist in a tweet on its Mail Online account: “We are delighted to announce Boris Johnson as our new columnist.
“Famed as one of the wittiest and most original writers in the business, Boris’s column will appear in the Daily Mail every Saturday and you’ll be able to get a preview on MailOnline and The Mail+ on Fridays.”
In a video shared by the Daily Mail, the ex-PM said: “I am thrilled to have been asked to contribute a column to the Daily Mail."
He promised to offer uncensored views in his new newspaper column.
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