- Blackstone’s 2024 holiday video is even cheesier than you can imagine. And, surprisingly, a bit catchy.
Forget “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer.” There’s a new king of awful holiday songs. And it comes from Blackstone.
For the seventh year in a row, the investment management firm has released its overproduced, cringey, deliberately cheesy holiday video. And this year, it might have outdone itself, which is saying a lot after last year's Taylor Swift parody.
The 2024 entry is a country-western song, though it takes a while to get there.
The video starts off with a recap of its derided “Alternatives Era Tour” video from last year, acknowledging just how awkward it was, with a slew of (very real) media clips about last year’s offering and some jokes from people who were in it: “We were rejected by every venue, even the ones we own,” said one Alternatives Era performer.
From there, things enter fever-dream territory, as the financial gurus enter the world of reality TV. There’s “The Real Executives of Park Avenue,” “The Inve$tor” (a "Bachelor" send-up) and “Blackstone Island.” (No. Really.)
There’s also Blackstone CEO Stephen Schwarzman’s own reality show, “Keeping Up with Schwarzman” And … we’re not even going to describe what goes on there.
Then, after a brief nod to “America’s Got Talent,” we get to the main event: The country-western spectacular that is corny, cringey—and actually a fair bit catchier than it has any right to be.
No cliché is left unturned. There are pickup trucks driving down Wall Street (with a bumper sticker reading “Don’t mess with BX”). Boots? Yep. Belt buckles that are approximately the size of Rhode Island? Check! Shirts with fringe? Of course! Banjos and fiddles? C’mon, do you think these people are amateurs? Cowboy hats? More 10 gallons than your can count.
And, yes, you bet your sweet Alternative Multi-Strategy Fund there’s conference room board dancing. Many, many times, in fact.
Then there are the horses… One’s being ridden down Wall Street. A couple Shetland ponies are hanging out in the conference room (sadly, they don’t line dance). One, wearing a cowboy hat of its own, is led down a hallway. And the coup de grâce shows Schwarzman riding one off into the sunset.
Listen, we realize there’s a lot of work to wrap up before the holidays. And bosses are keeping a close eye on end-of-year productivity at many offices. Ignore that. Spend eight minutes watching this video. You’ll either hate us or thank us. Probably both.
