Billie Eilish has revealed that she “grieves” the little girl she was before her career took off.
Speaking of the moment she put out her first music at the age of 13, the Happier Than Ever singer said that she “strives to be a kid again”.
In a new cover story for Vogue, Eilish invited a group of young activists to have a chat about many topics, including combating the climate crisis.
At one point in the interview, climate activist Tori Tsui asked Eilish “how she deals with the weight of millions of people’s expectations.”
“It’s wild,” Eilish replied. “In my head, nobody knows who I am. Nobody knows what I look like.
“I was 13 when I put stuff out for the first time,” she added. “I look back at who I was, when fewer eyes were on me. I grieve that. I strive to be that kid again.”
Eilish’s career took off after she put out her single “Ocean Eyes” on SoundCloud.
Ever since then, the “Oxytocin” singer has released two chart-topping albums, headlined at some of the biggest music festivals such as Glastonbury and Coachella, and won seven Grammy awards.
Last year, Eilish was discussing her experience growing up in the limelight in an interview for BBC 100 Women in Conversation and said she feels “most powerful” when she feels “masculine”.
“I feel the most powerful when I feel masculine,” she said, adding: “I also can find power in femininity, it’s kind of a balance of both.”
This prompted the interviewer to question what she meant by “masculine”.
“I don’t know - depending on how I walk and stand and my clothes and my face - and my jewellery and my fingers, just everything that I am day to day,” she explained.
“I like to feel more masculine than feminine, it just makes me feel better,” she added.
