He covers his body in safety pads and he’s the only contestant in the history of Dancing On Ice to need a crash helmet, but Happy Mondays star Bez is still standing. Just.
No one is more shocked that he lives to fight another day than the man himself, and as he prepares to take to the ice again tonight Bez admits he feels guilty better skaters are being dumped from the show.
He even says he wouldn’t be there at all if it were a “proper skate competition”.
“I can’t see me lasting too long because I am such a rubbish skater!” he admits during a chat after another gruelling training session with his professional partner Angela Egan, 34.
“I feel terrible about it because if it was a proper skate competition, well, I wouldn’t even be in the competition.
“But it’s just the nature of the show, unfortunately.
“The only thing that makes me feel better about better skaters going out rather than me, is the final decision is with the judges in the skate-off, and they’re judging purely by skating skills.
“So that makes me feel a little bit better about being really rubbish because as soon as I’m in the skate
off, I’m out!”
Rugby ace Ben Foden, 36, and ITV ’s Lorraine’s entertainment presenter Ria Hebden, 39, have already been frozen out after they failed to get enough votes from fans at home to keep them out of the dreaded skate-off.
But after taking to the ice in a helmet designed to look like a melon – a cheeky nod to the Happy Mondays lyric “You’re twistin’ my melon, man” – dad-of-three Bez has quickly become one of the show’s stand out stars.
At 57 he’s the oldest male celebrity competing each week and says that, along with Coronation Street legend Sally Dynevor, 58, he hopes to inspire others in their 50s to try something new.
“Me and Sally, we’re in our 50s, you know what I mean?” he says.
“This shows the older generation like ourselves that you can go out there and learn new skills, it might inspire other people to give it a go, then that’ll be a nice thing to do.”
Bez admits the pressure of learning a new routine each week is affecting his sleep.
He adds: “I end up waking up at three or four o’clock in the morning having a panic about the routine.
“The other week, the day before the show, I woke myself up and I dreamt I’d drank a bottle of whisky just before I was about to go on.
“Then I realised it was a Dancing On Ice nightmare! I hope I don’t get another this week!”
Some might argue a little tipple before the show might improve his skating.
But having suffered quite a few tumbles – including one where he hit his head so hard his helmet flew off – Bez is lucky to still be in one piece. But it’ll take more than a fall to rattle him.
Bez says: “Because I have got every pad on, I’m able to bounce back up. It doesn’t affect my confidence. I just get a bit annoyed for not being able to do it. But I’ve come to terms with it now that me and the ice are not naturally suited.”
That doesn’t mean he hasn’t been putting in hard graft during training. Like all the celebrities, Bez has been training for four months. And while his skating’s not improved his physique has. Or part of it, at least.
“I’m getting a Brazilian butt!” he says, bursting out laughing.
“I’ve got a bit of a curve issue on me butt now. You know what I mean?
“My bum muscles and my thigh muscles, I can see them burning away.”
That must go down well at home with his wife-to-be, personal trainer Firouzeh Razavi, 34. Bez proposed last October after seven years together.
“Oh yeah, my missus is enjoying the Brazilian butt!” he chuckles. “It’s got a lovely curvature to it. She wants to get a curvy bum too now!”
So will fans see him follow rugby hunk Ben’s example and flash some flesh?
“I don’t think anyone wants to see me ripping my shirt off, I lost my youthful body years ago!,” Bez admits.
“I’m moving to the slightly porky side of life now. If I got me belly out, I’d put people off their tea!”
Olympic skating legend and judge Christopher Dean, has already likened Bez to former EastEnders star Todd Carty, who became the stand out star in 2009 when he hilariously crashed off the ice rink, and back down the entrance tunnel, on live TV.
So does Bez – real name Mark Berry – think he can follow the trail blazed by Todd?
“Well, I don’t know about that!” he laughs.
“I’m having fun. I’m trying me hardest to improve and get better, and then just enjoy the whole experience. I’m just out there doing what I do.
“I thought the judges were really kind to me with the scoring, to be honest, because I wouldn’t have scored me so high. So yeah, I’m just out there to take part in the show as best as I can.”
It’s an ethos Bez has followed for most of his career. Born in Salford, then part of Lancashire, in 1964, his mum was an auxiliary nurse and his dad a “typical hard-drinking, hard-living” detective inspector.
His younger sister went to Oxford University, but Bez rebelled, got mixed up in gangs and spent the ages of 17 to 20 in a detention centre.
By 28, he had two sons of his own – Arlo, now 30, and Jack, now 28 – and was immersed in the 1990s Manchester music scene, joining Shaun Ryder in the Happy Mondays. Bez’s schtick was simple – he danced frenetically and shook his maracas.
His unique skills have led to a three decade-plus career. After following Shaun to his next band Black Grape, he then went back to the Happy Mondays.
He won Celebrity Big Brother in 2005 (after entering to pay off a tax bill) and has rarely been out of the limelight since, including regular stints on Channel 4 ’s Celebrity Googlebox.
Now living in Urmston, Greater Manchester, avid beekeeper Bez has another son Leo, 13, from a previous relationship, and a grandson, Arlo’s son, Luca, nine. He calls himself a “hands-on dad”, and has “a good relationship with [all] their mums”.
Bez also ran for MP of Salford and Eccles in 2015 and was about as successful as his skating, coming sixth. Naturally, he won’t be expecting to top the DOI leaderboard either.
But he’s a big fan of the bookies’ favourites, ex-Strictly star Brendan Cole and dancer Regan Gascoigne, son of footballer Paul, aka Gazza. He says; “It doesn’t matter if they’re dancers, they’ve actually mastered skating. You’ve got to applaud them for it. You know what I mean?”
As Bez keeps practising despite knowing he’s on thin ice, perhaps he deserves a round of applause too.
