Welcome back to FTW’s Beverage of the Week series. Here, we mostly chronicle and review beers, but happily expand that scope to any beverage that pairs well with sports. Yes, even cookie dough whiskey.
I’d heard a lot about Topo Chico, but I kinda dismissed it as dumb seltzer hype. La Croix kinda ruined an entire genre by tasting like angry fizz and the vague recollection of a fruit you once liked.
But people kept talking it up, and when they added booze to the mix — not just a hard seltzer, but a straight-up cocktail — I was intrigued. Now that I’ve had it … well, I’m not obsessed, but I understand why people would be.
There’s something different about Topo Chico’s carbonation. The bubbles are different. Bigger. Softer. While most seltzers and sodas have tiny circles of CO2, Topo Chico’s beverages taste like they’re filled with ovals. It’s like the difference between a regular tap beer and a nitro one. It’s softer, maybe even a little creamier.
We’ll get into all that though. Let’s talk about each flavor.
Tequila & grapefruit: B
The first can out of the mixed back is the traditional Paloma and given this subject matter I’m drinking it by the (local, public) pool. It clocks in at 5.9% alcohol and smells like straight up grapefruit juice. There’s maybe a little touch of tequila and a small amount of salt as well.
The immediate thing you notice when you take a sip is the aforementioned smooth carbonation — it feels like the bubbles are larger than what you find in other seltzers. The grapefruit is muted, which is a good thing because it’s grapefruit. A little bit goes a long way.
The tequila honestly doesn’t really show up especially for a seltzer that clocks in at just about 6% alcohol. The lack of overarching flavor is actually kind of standard for seltzer but it’s a little disappointing. High Noon proved you could lean into bigger tastes with low calories with its canned cocktails, and that’s missing — at least a little — here.
That said, it’s an 85° day. I’m outside in the sun and this thing is going down smoooooooth. It is pretty easy to drink and maybe a little bit dangerous because of that extra ABV count. No complaints from me; this is solid even if it’s not my favorite.
Vodka & lemon: A
Round two is a Chilton classic vodka and lemon — halfway to the vodka lemonade that we drank way too often in college. It smells heavily like citrus with a little bit of vodka right off the top. It’s not really overpowering, and you can definitely tell it’s a seltzer
The first sip is again defined by that meaty, almost creamy carbonation. This is like drinking from a water fountain in Rhode Island or Wisconsin because it’s a straight up bubbler. I’m a big fan of the texture. It does really work out well in that sense and almost makes the lemon and vodka an afterthought.
Ultimately the lemon does shine through. The vodka is there as well, but it’s very minimal. This is a very, very easy drinking cocktail and excellent for a hot sunny day. It doesn’t really change as you drink it, but that’s not something I’m looking for from a pool or cookout or tailgate beverage. It’s just a solid cocktail in a can that works out really well, thanks in large part to that Topo Chico carbonation.
Tequila & lime: B+
We finish up with ranch water classic tequila lime — although at 5.9% ABV it’ll hit you a lot heavier than the last few ranch waters you might have had. It smells like a margarita right from the Mexican restaurant, salted rim included.
The first sip is much less harsh than the smell suggests. The bubbles are a little more muted here than they were the last time but they’re still very … thick. That’s a good thing; it’s like the bubbles are denser and heavier which makes it a little bit easier to drink. On the other hand, it does lack some of the crispness of a typical seltzer.
Like the last two it’s very easy to drink and there’s no indication that it’s as heavily boozed as it is this tastes just about as potent as one of the 4.5% ranch waters that would have come before it. At 130 calories it’s hard to see this as anything other than a massive upgrade.
Would I drink it instead of a Hamm's?
Welcome to a new feature on these reviews; a pass/fail mechanism where I compare whatever I’m drinking to my baseline cheap beer. That’s the standby from the land of sky-blue waters, Hamm’s. So the question to answer is: on a typical day, would I drink a Topo Chico Spirited over a cold can of Hamm’s?
Yes. There’s lots of flavor, more booze and fewer calories. I might skip the grapefruit after a couple trips through the rotation, but Topo Chico Spirited is lovely.
