Welcome back to FTW’s Beverage of the Week series. Here, we mostly chronicle and review beers, but happily expand that scope to any beverage that pairs well with sports. Yes, even cookie dough whiskey.
When it comes to non-alcoholic beer, Athletic Brewing Company quickly established itself as the top option in a stale market. No longer would you have to subject yourself to O’Doul’s or Clausthaler if you were looking to replicate all the rituals of a cold one without (most) of the booze. Athletic’s NA offerings couldn’t fully lock down the taste of a great pale ale or Mexican lager, but they came closer than anyone else.
This success led to a broad expansion, which led to a partnership with Super Coffee, which led to this week’s installment of BotW. Friends, it’s a weird one. Athletic leaned in to its “beer for fit people” tendencies dark to create a dark, coffee-infused brew that isn’t just an NA offering but also a protein-enriched pre-workout concoction.
Weird sentence, I know.
I’m not generally a pre-workout drink guy in the first place. Something about that niacin-induced tingling gets me anxious. Sure, it makes me want to work out to get rid of it, but it also makes me want to rub up against the walls like an itchy bear in hopes of shedding whatever top layer of skin has suddenly decided it’s time to party.
Regardless, I jumped in with high hopes when I cracked this beer at 9 a.m. in preparation of a morning workout. It was … an experience, certainly.
Athletic Suped Up: D
This pours lovely — a dark brown bordering on black and with a proper thickness you’d expect from a dark beer. But I don’t know if that’s a selling point for a pre-workout drink. My stance on those is typically that they get drank fast, not savored like a stout or a heavy porter. The head on top springs for about half an inch before dissipating. The smell is chocolate and coffee and breakfast malts right off the top. Like the pour itself, it’s pretty appealing.
The first sip is thinner than expected and hooooo, it’s much more acidic than you’d expect. The coffee involved comes through harshly, though it’s not overly bitter. Right behind it is that strong malty flavor you’ll recognize from most non-alcoholic beers. As is tradition, Athletic keeps that from becoming too cloying — the brewery’s strength is making NA beers that aren’t immediately identifiable as such. This holds true with Suped Up.
i drank Athletic Brewing's new pre-workout Suped Up na beer/coffee brew. it looks great and smells great and then, oh no pic.twitter.com/2MuExaRh20
— Christian D'Andrea (@TrainIsland) April 21, 2023
But man, I’m not entirely sure what Suped Up is. It’s trapped between a few different worlds, which makes sense because it’s trying to bridge the gap between coffee stout, non-alcoholic beer and pre-workout drink. It’s got a very distinct tang that makes me scrunch up my nose with each sip but the thing is … I don’t hate it. I keep going back for more.
This is raising concerns however. My stomach is used to coffee in the morning. But since drinking Suped Up there’s been some sounds emanating from my midsection that are … concerning. Like two feral cats have decided today was the day to fight inside a haunted house. I’m about halfway through my glass and willing to soldier on, but I would not be so keen if I were at an actual gym or simply around other people and not at home.
The brew tastes mostly the same as it warms up — the acids of that roasted coffee fighting with the malt. Still, there’s something that keeps me coming back. Welp, the can’s finished. Let’s give it a few minutes and see if I can notice a difference with my workout.
(one typical, someone’s-dad workout later)
OK, so the problem I have with pre-workout drinks is that, in general, they make me feel bad. Suped Up succeeds in that I feel bad, only in a very different way. I feel bloated and a little lethargic, which is very weird for a coffee-protein blend. Something like C4 makes me feel like I NEED to work out or else I’m never gonna get rid of those jitters. Suped Up moves in the opposite direction.
Fortunately, once I got going I had a fairly normal workout and felt good throughout. Were the extra couple reps I was able to tack on here and there the product of a dedicated pre-workout beverage? No idea! But my stomach calmed down and, 45 minutes later, I’m feeling pretty good.
Other than the toxic burps that make it seem like I’ve been pounding stouts at 10 am. That I could do without.
Would I drink it instead of a Hamm's?
Welcome to a new feature on these reviews; a pass/fail mechanism where I compare whatever I’m drinking to my baseline cheap beer. That’s the standby from the land of sky-blue waters, Hamm’s. So the question to answer is: on a typical day, would I opt for Suped Up over a cold can of Hamm’s?
Absolutely not. I think I’d have a better workout after the Hamm’s. Or at least a more comfortable one.
