Do you remember last week? No? Let us refresh your memory with five days worth of Chatterbox, condensed into one post. You'll find everything here – as long as by 'everything' you mean Minecraft, the arrival of Pro Evo 2011 and why Wales in October might not have been the best choice of Ryder Cup venue. Controversial stuff as always.
This week's editor is RustyJames – he's so concise he's not listed the daily contributors. So well done anonymous chroniclers!
Monday
The week starts off with the usual tales of woe and joy from the weekend. Simian lets the blog know about his ill health: "basically my liver is not reacting well to the drugs I'm taking; I'm approaching a point from the blood test results where my liver is close to shutting down. Their advice, no more alcohol."
I'm not sure what's worse, the condition or the advice. The Chatterbox was on hand to offer sympathy and abuse in equal measure.
The spectre of the Ryder Cup loomed large all day. Resident SpecOps agent HereComesTreble was concerned over the choice of venue:
"Say what you like about the high standard of the golf, but the rain ruined it. Singles on a Monday? I guess that's what you get for holding a major international event in Wales. I hate to say I told you so, but I did. Repeatedly. Maybe next time the European Tour will take the time to read my letters fully, rather than just getting the police involved at the drop of a hat. I was never actually planning to go through with most of the threats, I was just trying to get my point across, that Wales wasn't up to this. Well who's laughing now?"
Whereas Shadowmind summed up the competition thus: "Golf is horrible to play and boring to watch."
There was also a lot of chat about the Eurogamer expo. The Chatterbox sent along a representative contingent – Chubster, RustyJames, OneDave, manboet, dylillama and SuperSmashIn all attended and sampled delights including Dead Space 2, Killzone 3, Gran Turismo 5, Assassins Creed: Brotherhood, Motorstorm 3D, Kinect ("wobbly") and Crysis 2 ("buggy as hell").
SerenVickity was unimpressed overall: "Sooooooo disappointed in this. It was so disorganised. Too many children taking up games for too long. I could feel a clothesline coming on.... on a windmill.... probably both." She was so unhappy she ended up buying a PS3. CunningStunt was also underwhelmed "Very disappointing. No booth babes or cosplayers for a start. May as well just download the demos on offer at home."
A last word from 'box Methuselah; HenryPootle: "A sedan chair really is the only way to travel if it's too wet to stretch your legs with a good walk. I've heard talk that speeds above 30mph can give passengers nosebleeds and possibly cause fainting or a fit of the vapours."
Tuesday
The weekend now distant memory; the week: a blank reality. Named after a proto-Germanic god of war, this Tuesday had little to offer. People talked about war: Modern Warfare 2, a challenging and fun approximation of war.
The Chatterbox doors were nudged open by the usual quotations from books, songs and films: of mysterious significance. Minecraft came up in conversation, more than once. By mid-morning RobLindsay had unleashed this blast: "No gaming for me last night, went over to my parents for some dinner, came back home to give my desk a tidy". It is definitely good to talk.
Grumbles about major retailer Argos reached critical mass. What goes on out back? Who knows ... Onedaveofmany explained: "David Lynch faithfully recreated this in Mulholland Drive with the scene behind the diner. The little people run everything."
Wednesday
The Oxford English Dictionary probably defines Wednesday as, 'The fourth day of the week; third day of the working week', and for me, there's something quite moving about that. Too often, we get so caught up in our work that we lose sight of what is really important – and that is not working. That's where the blog comes in.
Wednesday saw the five Ds of Chatterbox' (Demon's Souls, Drink, Deals, Despair, and Demon's Souls) [Is Demon's Souls really worth counting twice? - - RustyJames] getting their usual airing. The day got off to a touching start with SuperSmashin's tender tale of unrequited lust, of a Tiger Woods look-a-like, all set amidst the anonymity of the overcrowded London transport system.For that fleeting second that their eyes met, they were the only two people on earth, it's like they were sharing the same heart.
Love was certainly in the air. Blind, unconditional, dangerous love. PES 2011 was about to hit, and with fevered anticipation for release day (Friday) reaching boiling point, Goody's announcement of the new online blog community was as timely as it was informative. As is normally the case, it was met with the kind of bewilderment you come to expect from a group that consistently struggles to comprehend even the most basic of instructions.
Gaming talk centred mostly on Bad Company 2 and Minecraft, which was causing a real stir amongst bloggers. Word was trickling through that to play this game was a real 'experience', BLC07 recalling a moment of profound self-awareness, when the full extent of his Welshness hit home – "I'm sat playing a computer game. What am I doing in this game? Mining coal. I'm Welsh, I live in South Wales, and I'm mining f**king coal in a computer game."
Wednesday wound down gently with the sort of thoughtful discussion the chatterbox excels at, tackling the big issues of the day. Bloggers jumped at the chance to finally put those expensive arts degrees to some use, with Timthemonkey welcoming William Hague's recent call for strengthened economic ties with France – "We'll be smelling of brie & wearing berets within a fortnight." Well I can only speak for myself, but I've got my cheese, I've got my beret (never went out of fashion), I'm ready to plough.
Thursday
The new Saturday? Only tomorrow morning's whimpering will reveal.
Early doors chat was about the previous night's Battlefield exploits with reports of a clan so serious they changed their X-Box gamer tags to include their clan name. Bit odd, obviously. Happily the brave boys and girls of NaN gave as good as they got.
Next up was The Return Of The Apprentice. Sadly not the latest Star Wars game, but the much loved/reviled reality show in which a gaggle of braying, chasm-gobbed berks tussle to become Lord Sugar's new tea maker. ImperfectRex summed things up: "Just stop it. If you people keep watching this sh**e, they will keep making it and Alan Sugar will keep pretending he's a successful businessman".
There was yet more cheerleading for Minecraft, but as it was more impenetrable to outsiders than diceblog we'll move swiftly on. The increasing salivating over the impending release of Fallout: New Vegas led to debate over which is best, Oblivion or Fallout? In spite of its greyness Fallout seems to shade it for most bloggers by dint of a properly working levelling system and shotguns being better than spells.
I'm told by my sources that there's some football game out tomorrow? Certain bloggers had it arrive early, but the next few weeks will be full of talk of little else so suffice it to say that initial impressions seemed promising and as the day wore on excitement levels rose and rose.
Elquesodiablo, lover of all things RPG and a serious contender for Geekiest Blogger, posed this question: "What JRPG tropes do people love or hate? What makes a JRPG quintessentially a JRPG?"
JRPGs and lists? This was bread and butter to the blog. PicPicPic was straight in with a pretty definitive inventory:
"A quintessential JRPG should contain the following:
A spiky haired protagonist with emotional issues
A cutesy sidekick, may or may not be human.
A plotline that incorporates something vaguely 'spiritual' and an evil antagonist who wishes to destroy the world and everything in it (including themselves) by some extraordinary means
A band of travellers, introduced one at a time, to aid our hero in his/her quest to save the world
Outlandish weapons
Pointless NPCs and poorly-translated dialogue
A world map
Random battles
Lots and lots of ellipses..."
The day drew to a close with some terrible revelations about which was the worst Thundercat. No-one covered themselves in glory, but timthemonkey sticking up for Snarf because he was funny was probably the low point. Friday could only get better...
Friday
The last gasp of the week: a wheezing, puffing man, groping for the finish line.
The day began with, primarily, talk about PES: the latest iteration of the popular footballing series. Change had come. The order of the boot had been applied. The consensus? Good, but different.
A stream of PES chat burbled on throughout the day. Goody84 cajoled and boasted, Sheep2 complained about the strips, Herecomestreble said he just didn't like it.
Elquesodiablo explained how CobraOB might persuade his other half that role-playing board games weren't that geeky. The secret? "Arkham Horror", "Game of Thrones" and "Ravenloft". Yes. These games would definitely change her mind.
Posters had been digging deep into Minecraft: Lava, glass and towers of doom? Wrestling names came up, along with that age old question "do gentlemen prefer blondes?" As if in response CunningStunt swaggered in; posting things like 'aye aye' and abbreviating words in a relentlessly hearty manner.
There were lots of in-jokes.
Quotes of the week
"Face Training. I used to be very self conscious about my face. People would stop me all the time and call my face names, or throw rocks at my face. I never once considered training my face, I just didn't have the time. So when I heard about this, I was really excited. Now I can train my face on a train, in a café, wherever I go! I'm really starting to see the results in my face, and other people do too! Now instead of throwing rocks at my face, people stop and ask me: 'What's your secret? You beautiful creature.'
I have added confidence to go out and meet new people. Face Training helped me meet my fiancée, Tracy! I even managed to get that promotion at work that I always wanted! Instead of laughing at the size of my face when I get changed in the locker room, my water-polo team now respect me, and my face! I've never been happier, Face Training really turned my life around....although, I think it's a wee bit expensive"
GrizzlyDeer auditions for the next Nintendo TV ad.
"I'm not too proud to root around a bin to make a saving."
BarryEans gets a jump on the proposed spending cuts.
"When I was a kid, we used to play this game were we'd sneak up behind girls, squirt lighter fluid all over their hair, and quickly set it alight. Hilarious scenes as they were engulfed by flames. These days, the PC brigade would be all over that, I'm sure. Sometimes I fear we're not allowing our children to be children anymore."
Herecomestreble reminiscing from his cell in Broadmoor.
