You know that feeling _ which probably takes a half-second, but seems like a half-hour _ when you're waiting for an umpire to make a call?
These days, that's how umpires feel for much of the day. The anticipation, the apprehension, the hint of optimism, the fear of impending doom. That especially is true for the minor-league umpires, who wonder if there even will be minor leagues in 2020.
Of the games, Trevor Dannegger said, "it's just kind of a waiting game."
You might recognize that name. The St. Louis native was a subject in this column space last August. As an umpire, he's one of the top prospects in the minors. Dannegger was named the 2019 Umpire of the Year by the California League, while also receiving a midseason promotion to the Eastern League, which is Class AA.
Now, he's filed for unemployment.
So has A.J. Choc, another St. Louisan who works as a minor-league ump. And have many others just like them _ dream chasers stuck in a nightmare.
"When I am being told that there may not be a minor-league season, I would say it's probably the safest thing," Choc, 29, said. "The thing that does upset me the most hearing that is _ you're trying to progress to get to the major leagues. That's the whole reason we're in it. We don't make enough money to just be minor-league umpires our whole life. The end goal has to be to try and make it to the major leagues. So to have a year off just isn't good for our career, because I'm not getting any younger."
Choc grew up in the Crestwood part of South County. His family didn't have cable TV, so he developed a love for baseball via 1120 AM, the late-night lullabies on the KMOX broadcasts of Jack Buck and Mike Shannon.
Around the time he got his driver's license, Choc began umpiring youth games in Affton. But it was "just more of a summer job to be honest," he explained. "Because when I was younger, or like around that age, I was pretty shy. And when you're an umpire, you can't really be shy. So I was like _ man, I don't even know if this is for me."
But behind the plate, he came out of his shell. He got good. As he grew, the job grew on him and by college he was an ump for high school games. After St. Louis University, he moved to Tampa in his early 20s, and continued to ump.
In the spring of 2016, the 25-year-old Choc went to umpire school in Florida for the first time. That was also the year a 20-year-old Dannegger went to umpire school. Dannegger passed and got his first gig, in rookie ball. Choc was asked to come back the next year. So that summer, like a pilot gaining hours, Choc gained innings of experience in an independent league.
He passed ump school in 2017, and as he rung up batters he climbed the rungs of the professional latter. For 2020, Choc was set to work in the Florida State League.
"I was excited about that because I know the area very well, I lived down there for a couple years," Choc said. "And they were going to do the automated strike zone in that league this year, so I thought it would be cool to kind of see how that is being tested ... . Every year, I had been getting promoted. So I was thinking 2021 would most likely be Double A."
Instead, it's possible that he'll begin 2021 as a 30-year-old ump in the Florida State League. In the meantime, like so many other umpires _ and St. Louisans _ he's just trying to get by during these trying times.
He said the umps are paid by the leagues, and because "the Florida State League isn't having games or anything, they're not paying us."
He applied for unemployment in Florida on April 12. Not until May 21, last Thursday, did he get notice they would begin processing his claim. Choc lives with his girlfriend in Dogtown, where he waits.
To get his baseball "fix," he watched old games on MLB Network or DVDs of classic Cardinal games.
"But I really want to watch a game where I don't know the outcome," he said.
He'll catch some footage of the professional games from Korea. He'll re-watch wild moments of plays _ and occasional wild moments after plays.
"Believe it or not, we like watching ejection videos as umpires because there's always something to learn from it," Choc said. "Like, what would I have done differently? Was it a good ejection?"
Dannegger watched Korean games and thinks about his three-man umpire crew from Class AA. How would they handle certain plays? Who would go to which base? He stays in touch with fellow umps via text. Called it a "brotherhood and sisterhood." He'll daydream daily about the job, the journey.
"I definitely feel like I'm missing a piece of me without the baseball season," Dannegger said.
It is not a luxurious lifestyle in the minor leagues. The umps deal with a lot of the bull seen in "Bull Durham." Long days on the road and long nights at the park ... or long nights on the road and long days at the park. It's a constant cycle, a grind, and you don't get paid much to go through that. But it's baseball. And it is a rite of passage to the big leagues.
Much has been made about what happens to the minor-league players who lose a season of development. Could change the course of some careers. Same with the umpires. And, inevitably, there are a few men and women who would've become umpires this year but won't get the chance, or will chose to go another direction professionally.
For Dannegger and Choc, they've dreamed of someday spending some summer days in St. Louis. But not this way.
