I was highly amused by the excerpts from Becky Barnicoat’s graphic non-fiction book about being a new parent (‘Transforming into a parent is messy and primal: I drew it all’, 1 March). Being a new parent (and particularly a mother) is no joke, but it is good to be able to laugh at yourself and the huge clash with society’s expectations.
It’s easy to imagine that previous generations had helpful family around the corner and that life wasn’t so hectic or costly. But my experience and that of many of my generation – my children were born in the 80s and 90s – was difficult too. I had to finish work at a certain point in pregnancy – around seven months – and maternity pay was only for six weeks.
Many mums – myself included – returned to work when the baby was three months old! We needed the money to pay the mortgage. I worked part-time for years to minimise childcare costs, and in those days you didn’t have to pay pension contributions if you worked less than 25 hours a week – so many women chose not to. This impacted my workplace pension.
By the 90s, things were slightly better and I took six months off after my third child. But childcare costs were prohibitive, and we paid them so I could continue working as a nurse and not lose my registration. In those early years it did seem like it actually cost to work – but I figured that it was worth the trade-off as I remained in the workplace, and that helped me progress my career.
I did not have family around, having moved away to train as a nurse, and we didn’t have easy access to resources, WhatsApp support or Mumsnet. I have much sympathy with new mothers. It is a truly testing time. But the past was no more rosy than the present. My own experience of becoming a mother gave me great respect for all mothers everywhere.
Jacky Pugh
St Austell, Cornwall
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