Barometer! Trad-wife fringes are hot, cane corso dogs are petrifying

Going up!

Greasing the Tubes

(Ross Lydall)

Let's start afresh in 2025. If TfL doesn't just oil the Northern and Victoria lines, I suggest forming a guerrilla group and doing it ourselves.

Local bingo nights

Crappier the venue, better the night. The chie set patronises the fuss-free Mildmay Club, Stoke Newington. Buzz Bingos also work.

Trad-wife fringe

(Prada SS25)

Park Claudia Winkleman's and make like a Seventies housewife with blow-out curtain bangs - as convincingly demonstrated by Carey Mulligan's new Prada campaign.

It's Lacroix, sweetie

(Fox Searchlight pictures/ BBC Films)

The fashion biz is currently feeling a bit sheepish. Can a Christian Lacroix renaissance turn the tide? Ab Fab's beloved label has just been bought by Spanish company STL.

Going down…

The Strava set

(PA Archive)

My voice is hoarse from pleading people to, please, stop with the running selfies. Selective hearers, the lot of them. Now to cut them where it hurts: swift but effective unfollowing.

Beige-fluencers

(Netflix/Instagram)

They might have snared Meghan Markle as their latest recruit, but time we called quits on the mocha-jegging wearing. Molly-Mae masses. Try a print, ladies!

Character dressing

(AP)

We whined about the hideous Barbie red carpets. God laughed and sent out the Wicked circus. Let us pray for less crazed press tours this year.

Cane corsos

(Cane Corso)

The petrifying new status pooches, akin to... an "XL Bully on steroids". Blimey. Whatever happened to Jack Russells?