Despite his history with the island, Bali remains a place where Jason McCartney feels relaxed.
The former North Melbourne footballer was left with shrapnel wounds and burns to more than half his body when a suicide bomber detonated a backpack explosive inside Kuta nightspot Paddy's Bar on October 12, 2002.
He still bears the scars of that fateful night, but 20 years on, the love he feels for Bali remains undimmed.
"Being a player and now an administrator [with Greater Western Sydney], there aren't too many places I can say that about. You feel constantly in the spotlight to a degree, so Bali has always provided me with that ability to really shut off," he says.
"If I've only got a week or two weeks, I know I'm going to have a good time going back there."
His sons, 16-year-old Lucas and 14-year-old Aidan, have also grown up loving the Indonesian tourist mecca.
McCartney says he believes people can find solace this October 12 in remembering the heroic acts of the Balinese and expats.
"Naturally enough when an incident like this occurs, the focus goes on the people who are injured and obviously families of people who are deceased — that's natural and nothing should change with that," he says.
"But honestly I got great exposure to some wonderful people, some expats that lived in Bali. .. and the work that they did sometimes certainly does go unnoticed."
In ICU and in the spotlight
Not long after the Paddy's Bar bomb went off, a much larger explosive detonated on the street outside the Sari Club.
The bombings by Al-Qaeda-linked Jemaah Islamiyah remain the single largest loss of Australian life due to a terrorist attack. Eighty-eight of the 202 people killed were Australian.
A week later on October 18, then-prime minister John Howard said in Bali Australians would "grapple inadequately and in despair to try and comprehend what has happened".
McCartney's story was made more public than those of other victims due to his job as an AFL footballer, and he became the face of the tragedy as the wounded nation began to heal.
After being seriously injured in the bombings, McCartney, then 28, was flown back to Melbourne.
A team of Alfred Hospital doctors helped put his scorched body back together, and within a year he had married and played one more emotional game with the Kangaroos.
McCartney was awarded an Order of Australia for his support to other victims. Over the years, he's spoken to tens of thousands of people and written a book, After Bali, about his ordeal.
But many times he's wished his recovery could take place in the shadows of privacy.
"There were just moments where like you're in excruciating pain and you're putting on a brave face and obviously, you're constantly being followed," he says.
"There are many times where you'd rather be doing that under no spotlight, in your own time, but as an AFL footballer, it's part and parcel of the gig.
"When your story is so public, you can't do anything about it, it's happening anyway."
McCartney was reminded how his story was not his alone to shape last year when he learned a production company was creating a drama series on the bombings for a streaming service.
"I was put in contact with the producers and had some conversations," he says.
"They've identified about 12 people: I know [the character of] Fiona Wood, the amazing burns surgeon in WA, is in it, the police commissioner and Balinese people that were impacted.
"I was just acutely aware to ask them to make sure they are extremely respectful and have that level of sensitivity in anything they do with it."
Remembering right
On the day of the bombings, McCartney had arrived in Bali with teammate Mick Martyn, after a full Kangaroos team trip to New Orleans.
Martyn is one of many people McCartney still thinks about when he reflects on the bombings.
His friend helped him onto a scooter to get away from the blast site.
The two men ended up at the same hospital, where volunteers and several "amazing" Balinese doctors had to cope with a sudden surge of 200 people in their emergency department.
"They just did what they could for me and most others," McCartney says.
"Obviously at that point in time, the operation had to be quick because unfortunately there were many other people waiting."
There were not enough dressings for the wounds of every victim in the hospital, and McCartney received an infection along with his other injuries.
"Let's face it, no-one's prepared for the enormity of something of that taking place," he says.
"They were quite remarkable ... and there are so many stories.
"There was a young couple from New South Wales who were living in Singapore. For whatever reason, they just spent a lot of time with me.
"I didn't know them but they were just wonderful. Just having that support there again on the Sunday after I was operated on [was important] because I never saw Mickey again [that day].
"He came back to see me the next day and he just couldn't find me.
"He was being told I could be on a list outside of missing or deceased. So that's an idea of just how tough it was with people scattered everywhere on that Sunday."
How to help a victim of terror
McCartney is conscious not everyone affected by the bombings is at the point he is.
"The hardest part is you just don't know," he says.
"Everyone's a little bit different in what stage of grieving they are at around this even though it is 20 years on.
"Some people, if they don't know me, might preface a question [about the bombings] being quite cautious around it.
"I'm really comfortable discussing it because I was in the spotlight. I've probably had no choice. I've spoken about it over and over and I know it's helped me with that recovery phase.
"But some people that may not have spoken about a lot and it's been built up and it still, you know, feels like it's quite recent.
"I think the best thing people can do is just be conscious that everyone deals with things very differently.
"It's just about being really caring and supporting."
